I almost relapsed

I have 535 days clean today. I’ve been going through more than my fair share of things lately. My mother has been telling me to go kill myself. Sayin she hopes I od and die. I block her text. She messages me on facebook. I block her there she goes out of her way to email me. She wont let me see my daughter even though I’ve done everything that I’m supposed to do for my sobriety. My grandmother was recently diagnosed with lou gerighs disease. She doesnt have much time left. She’s the only person in my family that im close to. That has never given up on me no matter what I’ve done. It took 4 days after the rest of my family found out to tell me because they assumed my mother would’ve told me. But she’s been too petty to put her hatred for me aside to tell me. There’s much more but that’s for me to deal with. Again today she told me to kill myself. I couldn’t take it anymore. I started making phone calls. I am on parole and get drug tested weekly. I’ve been home since January. Not one time have I been drug tested twice in one week. After a few phone calls something finally fell into place. I had my mind dead set on using. My alarm went off to call the automated line to see if I’ve been selected. I already had my test this week so I didn’t think I’d have to worry. I’m not a very spiritual person but God had his hand on my shoulder. Gently reminding me that he hasn’t left me. I was selected to test in the morning. I was dumb founded. A little angry at first but then this calm washed over me. There was no coincidence. Not once. Not once in 6 months have I had 2 tests in a week. The ONE night I give up… and bam. I looked at my recovery bible that I havent touched except to put it next to my bed since I came home and shook my head. And I thanked God for stopping me from losing my 535 days clean and giving me 536. No matter what you’re going through, don’t give up. God really is there to protect us from ourselves when we aren’t able to anymore. I am still in awe and had to share. I hope that this reaches someone who needs to hear it. And when you wake up, not sick, thank the lord for another day sober.


Thank god I just read your post. I’m crying… thank you. I had one foot out the door to use again. And I don’t want to!! I am so new to sobriety… but I still wanted to tell you that you helped me tonight and I admire your strength. You are an amazing lady!! Thank you sweetheart … stay strong that’s a lot of days sober!!


Keep fighting. Dont let your demons break through the surface. It’s a struggle and It is HARD. But you can do this. Pray baby. Just pray and have faith. I am glad I was able to help someone else tonight. I dont know what kind of music you listen to but mac Lemore-starting over and one of his other songs called other side help me a great deal.


What a great thing to read since I can’t sleep! :wink: God is watching over both of you and this proves it. You 2 are doing awesome and he only wants great things for you! Stay strong and God bless

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Hi, sorry your mother is horrid, mine was too… I blocked her but she kept contacting me… I wrote to her a letter saying if she continues bothering me i will contact police to get restraining order… Yours actually encouraging you to kill yourself… That’s another level… Obvs, she’s a control freak, so take control back!

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Thank you so much for sharing. Your post was really awesome, it definitely wasn’t a coincidence. Keep going, you’re so strong. You’re on the path to your baby girl. Be the mom for her that you didn’t have.

Reach out as often as you need. Those words can be really hard to hear from your mom when you’re in crisis.

I am in the same place. One foot out the door for a drink when I stumbled across this section of the app. I. Almost to thirty days and do not want to ruin that.