Hi @PnwPaintedSoul … your story is familiar to me…I knew I had a problem with drink years ago…but I did not identify that I had a real problem until I actually did have a chronic problem! I tried moderation…how hard can that be? Well for me it was impossible and I failed miserably…and at the time I was being told it was not possible by recovery friends…who I chose to ignore…
My view is we all have our own journey…and we make our own choices…I get it that some people need to try and fail to prove to themselves that a certain path won’t work… so you might try the moderation route…I hope you don’t but you might have to try it 
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I read on another post something that really resonated with me about my drinking…
‘drinking to stay alive and dying doing it’
You might want to think whether that is where you are at?.. take care and keep on asking questions on this forum…