I can't drink normally


#1

I’m done.

I went on a month long break from booze and decided to try to drink normally again. Ended up going to 3 bars, spent a hundred dollars, drove :frowning: I’m so ashamed and embarrassed. I spent Sunday hung over in disbelief at myself.

I want to be a social drinker but every time is worse than the last. While never a daily drinker, I’m an alcoholic binge drinker.

My dad is an alcoholic, which is why I don’t know him. I swore I’d keep it under control but I have to quit. Not even one.

I think this is me finally accepting it as part of my identity. I get drunk not just because I want to but I can’t help it once I start.

I’m not sure if AA is for me but I watched a lot of inspirational videos. This is something important I need to do for myself. And I can’t ever let my guard down because disaster will happen if I keep rolling the dice.

Thanks all.


Going to drink again one day
#2

I myself have stopped drinking a few times thinking I could go back to it with more control. Failed every time. Woke up feeling the same as you do. I wonder why it’s so hard to control.


#3

Smart decision! Most people I know would believe what you just described is normal behavior. Nice job recognizing that you can do better. Convincing myself that I’m not a social drinker is a battle I can see coming in my future.


#4

Alcohol is an addictive substance, ethanol, poison.

Try and change the way you are thinking of these things and the things you are thinking of will change.

Instead of I can’t drink normally tell yourself I don’t want to drink poison and in reality no human “should”. It’s no good. Even monkeys become addicted to it, no alcohol is the only 100%way to not become addicted or feed the addiction.


#5

I tried for years to “drink normally” and it never worked. Things just got worse in fact.
I’ve finally realized drinking is not MY “normal” and it never will be. I get weird and dark like I’m possessed by demons or something. I was also an alcoholic binge drinker, not daily drinker. As time went on I could never stop at one drink, ever. In the end I drank til blackout, every time.
You’re here because you know what you need to do. Put the drink down.
Choose happiness. It will be hard, so hard. I really didn’t want to go to AA but I did and it’s helped me tremendously to stay sober.
Good luck, friend.
:heart:


#6

That is happening to me more and more. I wake up and find I’ve sent the craziest texts. I’ve tried shutting my phone off but my kids still know. Ugh!!!


#7

Admitting this is your first step to recovery so good for you! Keep moving forward with this thought process. A sober life has a lot to offer if you fully embrace it. Keep reaching out!


#8

@Nullcorp I gotta say the same thing happens to me. First, I always convince myself that I’m gonna keep things social and under control, and indeed, sometimes I manage to do so. But usually it goes way out of hand. It is just a lie! Better not even get started.


#9

Thanks everyone. I’m in a much better place than I was. After my ex and I broke up (over my drinking, go figure) I was sauced twice a week. By day three I felt better and forgot all the stupid things I did and how I felt.

The month off was nice. I just thought I was better and clearly I’m not. Honestly I didn’t miss alcohol by then, but I wanted to prove a point.

Now there’s no doubt in my mind. The hangover Sunday was horrendous. I hurt too much to sleep and cried in the bathtub.

Stopping drinking was not the magic solution to my problems but it’s the only setting under which I can.


#10

I saw this with my ex, he would quit for some time but always kept thinking he could resume and become a regular drinker. But every time he started again it would end in month long benders. It’s all denial. Be honest with yourself. That’s the first step. Try a whole year sober and see how your life has improved. But really give it your all, not just white knuckle trhough it. Find some new sober hobbies. You will get better but you have to put in the hours and work.


#11

This is so true. If all you do is white knuckle it, you are what we call a dry drunk. You may not be drinking but you aren’t changing the negative thought patterns and negative ways of dealing with emotions to actually become a truly sober person. Addiction is a symptom of your problems not the cause. You need to learn to change the way you handle stress, sadness and even happiness. Learn to take pride in being productive and how alcohol inhibits you from being prideful in your life. Learn to forgive others for all their crimes against you and others so that you can learn to forgive yourself. Learn to love everyone regardless of their past transgressions so that you can truly love yourself. Remember, if you can’t do these things for those around you, you will never be able to truly do them for yourself.

One last thing to keep in mind, holding resentment against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It only hurts you, not them. Don’t let others have that power over you.


#12

Well good luck. I’m the same way. Either drunk or sober. Can’t drink socially. I hope it works out for you. This is a good group.


#13

Same thing,all in or all out.


#15

I think one of the things I was most surprised at when I joined this group was that the majority (or certainly a good proportion of) the people on here are binge drinkers rather than every day drinkers. And it’s funny how we say that we can’t drink like “normal” drinkers, because when you think about it, like @Oliverjava said, it’s NOT normal to be able to drink poison! So perhaps it’s our bodies that are the normal ones, the ones who absolutely do not cope with this harmful substance?!


#16

Right!? :laughing: Its like our bodies got SMART and finally figured out how to make that poison, ethanol labeled as alcohol, no longer be allowed in our bodies! Our minds had some catching up to do for sure but our bodies were “normal” and rejected alcohol just like any other poison. I like that way of thinking! :blush:


#17

I wouldn’t admit it to most people, but I drank everyday. I would take days off here and there and didn’t get visibly drunk when I did drink (most of the time). I have had therapists insist that my behavior was not alcoholism, but merely alcohol abuse based on my circumstances. I was more than happy at the time to hear that! But if that is the case, why do I have a lingering headache and can’t stop thinking about having a beer 8 days after my last drink? On the weekends, especially Sundays, I would start drinking around 11am. Mondays have been the worst day at work. I usually look terrible and have my gum and coffee to mask the smell at my morning meeting. I’m trying my best to keep those days behind me. So back to my question… is it normal to still have a headache 8 days later?


#18

I’m a female who has been drinking heavily for 12 years, I’m only 29. For the past year and a half I’ve drank every single day and usually drink 15 beers and sometimes mixed with vodka or wine…anything I can get my hands on really. It is causing a huge strain on my marriage and myself personally. Now I’m finding myself feeling useless, lethargic, and unworthy. My appearance has changed and I don’t even like taking pictures anymore. I stopped drinking when I was pregnant with my son he is now two, but 3 months after he was born I started drinking again which led to drinking everyday over time. I am tired of living like this and am hoping to have some positive encouragement from fellow addicts. I am going to be honest I am not ready to just totally quit. I’d like to be able to control myself and occasionally have a social drink with friends at dinner. Right now I have 1 and can’t stop until I drink everything I have or finally go to sleep. I am glad I found this app and am looking forward to a better me. Xoxo :heart:


#19

Your body has been stripped of certain nutrients like vitamin B, zinc, etc… you should look into getting some supplements. That might be the cause of your headache but honestly you’ve been damaging your body and it needs to heal.


#20

If you can’t stop after one, trying to be a social drinker is going to be a losing battle. Many if not all of us have tried that and failed. If you’re an alcoholic, you’re an alcoholic and trying to “just have one or two” isn’t an option, it will eventually always lead to more. The question for you I ask is why is it so important to alter your state of mind? If you learn to love yourself you won’t feel the urge to numb your feelings with substances. Do some soul searching. I highly recommend not drinking at all but we all have our own journey and sometimes we need to fail in order to truly want change. Best of luck!


#22

I was in denial for a long time because I’m not a stereotypical alcoholic. Wasn’t really addicted. No morning shots, not even drinking days in a row. But when I do, bad things happen. Even if bad things don’t happen, I obsess over the next drink, who’s drinking, how much, on and on. I’m not 30 yet so it still sort of flies but I’ve lost a solid month to hangovers in my life. I’m going to land in jail, lose my job, something. One blackout away.

Despite the setback I’m at peace. I’ve made a lot of progress and I know what I’ve got to do. Truly knowing I can’t drink is oddly satisfying and maybe that’s why I did it the other day.