I’m 26 days sober and proud and happy of that. However, I can’t let go of all the shame I have over what I did during my heavy drinking the past year or so. I feel like crap that I HAVE to be sober because I have a problem and other people don’t have this problem. I’m ashamed of driving buzzed, talking to people drunk, day drinking, blacking out at night on the phone talking to people. I just keep reliving them every day and I don’t know what to do about it. I want to run away and start a new life with people who don’t know the old me, but I can’t. I know people know, it was just never talked about or confirmed. Any advice? I’m already mentally exhausted from thinking about NOT drinking that this is consuming my brain!
Don’t think of it as you having to stay sober. Remember that those things you did in the past are the reasons why you want to stay sober. The past is the past. You can’t change it so there’s no reason to dwell on it. Instead try to learn from it and let it be the force that drives you to building a better future. I’ve had my fair share of shameful drunken conversations that I had to apologize for the next day. Ive gotten black out drunk and passed out on the toilet a time or 2. But oh well, shit happens (no pun intended ). It doesn’t matter what others think. What matters is how you think of yourself. Instead of feeling shame about your past drunken moments, you should be proud of your current sober moments and relieved that you won’t have to worry about the ‘old you’ doing something silly in the future. All we can do is be sober today and be better tomorrow. Keep your head up. We’ve got this
I feel that with time it goes away. I still think of the crazy embarrassing things I have done while drunk. As I have gotten older, some things i just laugh at. The nighttime drunk phone call thing, I was a pro at that!! I think we all want to be judged a certain way. But nobody is perfect. I don’t continuously go through the flaws of all my acquaintances, and they are probably not either when it comes to me. That being said, if they cant get past a couple of your drunken mistakes, then leave them behind along with the alcohol.
I’m sorry you’re feeling a deep sense of shame but know that you are not alone and most of us here can relate. But please don’t think of sobriety as a punishment. It is actually the greatest gift you can give yourself. Focus on your recovery and time will show you that.
Also, don’t be envious of people who “can still drink”. First of all, many people are doing the same things you were while drunk and are suffering, but they still continue to drink because alcohol is a nasty addictive poison. Definitely don’t envy them but rather have compassion that they cannot break free from this deadly cycle.
As for the normal drinkers… Well. I drank to get shitfaced wasted, let’s be real, so people drinking an odd beer here or there don’t make me very jealous because that would never be enough for me anyway. So yeah. They can drink this poison and carry on with their lives. I know i can’t so I just have to accept it.
Basically it all comes down to me accepting that just because some people are doing something doesn’t mean that they should and certainly doesn’t mean that I should. My life is better sober so I better focus on that.
Stop trying to forgive yourself for now. Find yourself. Trust in God pray. Work the steps and forgivnesd of yourself and what you have done will come. It will also remove the obsession to get loaded. You can recover from a hopless state if mind and body
Can you also tag me in those threads as well? Thanks!
First off, super congrats on your 26 days…that is wonderful. As for shame, you came to the right place, because we all have had plenty of that. But seriously, shame does little to serve you…you can get lost in thinking of yourself negatively…we all did that WAY too much when we were using…Shame is part of the nasty cycle of using and serves no purpose other than making you feel bad about yourself.
Fact is, everyone is human and everyone messes up sometimes…some of us more than others. Learning to care for yourself and cut yourself some slack are part of maturing. No one is perfect. Learning from our mistakes and challenges…moving forward with new ways of being and thinking…those are hallmarks of getting healthy.
Sure, we could all dwell on past regrets…I think we all have. But at some point you realize that today, right now, is all you have. Make THIS moment something to be proud of and leave the past in the past. You are worth so much more than your past behavior.
And, when all else fails to get me out of a funk, I move my body and/or quiet my mind. You can do this.
Thank you! Good points that it is part of the cycle and I can’t really break the whole cycle if I don’t change my thinking. I AM worth more than my past mistakes
Drunk or sober everyone has done things they are ashamed of. It’s just when you’re an alcoholic you don’t always remember exactly what you did and have to rely on other people’s interpretations. The past is gone. You can’t change it so look forwards instead of backwards and try to do things that make you happy. The bad feelings will fade.
Good luck amanda.
Thank you and you are right, idk if anyone else has a problem or not. Im not jealous they can drink, I just feel bad sometimes that IM an alcoholic and other people aren’t.
I understand. At least you admit it. A lot of alcoholics won’t admit it and continue drinking. With time, acceptance will come. Be patient, focus on your recovery and stay sober. You will get there.
I feel exactly the same ,have done awful things whilst being drunk and feel I’m never going to forgive myself
I’m new to this joined up today and this was the first thing I read ,i know I need to forget but don’t know where to start any advice would be gratefully received
Well done on staying sober
I feel the exact same way as well. Embarrassed of the times I tried to hide when I was drinking from others or engaged in other reckless activities. I’m starting to slowly realize I’ve engaged in all that because I didn’t love myself at all and struggled quite a lot with depression and anxiety at times. Of course, drinking more didn’t help that and fast forward to today and I realize I need to cut drinking out completely. It’s not been easy but the first important step to show my thanks to those that I love (and to myself) is focusing on sobriety. It’s nice to have a community of people who share similar feelings as me. It’s hard to explain to others who don’t quite understand.
I remember this. For months I felt nothing but shame and hatred for myself. I ruined so many lives. My sponsor had my family write letters to me telling me what I was like when i was drunk or high, and how they felt. That shit was rough. But he told me the first step to solving any problem is identifying it. This is why meetings and sponsors are so critical. They help you deal with what you’re feeling, because they have to
I feel similar about things I did or let happen in my addiction. But I HAD to hold myself accountable for those things, and then forgive myself. Addiction feeds off of shame and guilt and if you don’t validate those that were hurt or affected, including yourself, addiction will continue its vicious cycle. I am 58 days sober from narcotics and flourishing because I faced the music and am now moving forward with my sobriety and life. You can do this!
Checking back in on this, how are you doing?