I cant seem to stay sober. Everytime I get through detox I am so happy and great and then I have a drink


I feel like I’m such a failure!!! I get sober and start actually feeling ok and then I have a drink and everything sucks again. I used to be able to drink a whole bottle and be fine the next day but now just one or two drinks and I am in bed detoxing and crying to myself thinking I’m going to die. Is this normal?


Obviously I dont want this to be normal and I am so sick bbn of drinking defining me and really want to get sober. But I really feel like I’m dying everytime I detox. I am going to Hawaii tomorrow and promised myself I am done and going to meetings when I get back but I just cant see myself even having fun drinking anymore. I nbn hate it!!! But I keep doing it. Why?!!


Hi @Lookingup11. Have you tried a meeting? For me the easy part was putting the poison down but I’d always pick it back up…eventually. It wasnt until I started working on the reasons WHY I drunk/drugged I was able to remain sober. One day at a time :butterfly:


I’ve only been to one and I was shitcanned. I actually did enjoy it. I dont want to die like this. Why is alcohol such an ok drug? I do want to actually start going daily and be done with this, it’s just the detox that gets me everytime. When I’m successful and get through it i feel great and am so productive. It’s just so hard with an alcoholic husband and friends who all want to meet for drinks. They try their best to be supportive but they never talk me out of having a drink.


I have found that my only success is to be isolated from everyone and it really sucks, especially from my husband.


Doing the same things and expecting different results haven’t worked for me. Try something different this time, it might just help!
Meetings are my medicine now.
I wish you well :butterfly:


Detoxing only addresses the physical aspect of alcohol. You need to focus on your mental perception of alcohol. Everyone has challenges, find ways to over come them. As for alcohol, it will always be around you. You control rather or not it touches your lips, break the routine and habit.

God speed and best wishes in your recovery.


Have you considered trying AA. I know meetings and my higher power make staying sober a lot easier


You need to take the time and effort to work on the emotional and spiritual aspects of your drinking. Detox will only deal with the physical. You need more. Others have suggested meetings and I highly recommend them. If it isn’t for you then I think you need to see a therapist of some sort. Be honest about yourself because I guarantee that alcohol is not your problem…it was a solution you had for a problem, but a bad solution that did nothing to help you. It is time to try some new solutions.


What @VSue said!


I think what you’re referring to is called kindling: over a period of quitting and relapsing, your body becomes sensitive to changes to neurotransmitters and each withdrawal is worse than the last (ex: you drink less now, but get just as sick as when you drank a whole bottle in the beginning). It’s common to get comfortable after you get through the detox and allow yourself to do it just a bit… before you know it, you’re back to square one. Make it a goal to delay drinking by just a little bit, and tell yourself that daily, hoping enough time goes by until you aren’t as tempted. Get a support network, and encourage your husband to seek help if he’s an alcoholic. You can reach out to me if you’re having cravings and I’ll do my best to talk you out of it.


Yes, it’s normal for an alcoholic to react poorly to consuming alcohol, and for it to get worse as time goes on.

Each bender harder to recover from than the last. Each fall from the wagon harder to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.

Alcoholism is a progressively terminal disease. Let that sink in. Absent any other accidental or other chronic condition, alcoholism will kill you, if left to progress, and before it does, it will take everything good in your life.

This is why you must put this disease in remission. How? By saying “no” to one drink…the drink that matters…the first drink. That’s really all there is to it. Say “no”, and be sober. Sober you can tackle those things you used to drink over. Sober you can heal. Sober you is free. Drunk you will be Dead you, eventually. Cirrhosis of the liver, jaundice, cancers, ulcers, “wet brain” and a whole list of other alcohol related conditions, and this is just the physical stuff.

Need a good reason to stay sober? How about saving your own life?


I’m going to suggest that since you say you keep relapsing that isolating yourself from others HASN’T been successful. Sure it allowed you to build up sober days but you still went back to drinking.

Two things I see here:

  1. Getting sober is more than just not drinking. As I said in my other reply you need to do the work on your emotional and spiritual self too. Just hiding from other people and alcohol is not a solution.
  2. No one can do this alone. You NEED a support network. You can get that from other people in recovery (such as through AA or other fellowship programs) or from your friends and family. Even if they themselves are still drinking they can still be the support network for you. (We do need to remember that not all people who drink are alcoholics and we need to learn to be around others that drink…they can still support us in our sobriety…as long as they are good people who will not try to convince you that it’s okay to have “just one”…OF COURSE those people need to GO!)


I want to add…keep your chin up. You can do this. You have an entire forum of people who believe in you.


Its SO hard to do this at first, especially when everyone around you drinks. But, listen to yourself love. You hate it, it’s literally damaging your body more every time you drink. I bet there are a lot more reasons you have to get sober. Write them all out, it will help you on your path by looking at it daily. I kept them in my pockets, taped to my wall, doors, car.

I had to change my entire life when I quit drinking. I had to stop looking at killing myself with my friends as “normal”. The thing that made it stuck is when I thought about what good alcohol brought me, I literally could not come up with one single good thing it did for me. Any thought I had, I literally asked myself-is that REALLY true? Nope. It was all bullshit excuses for me.

I don’t see my friends daily or weekly like I used to. My relationship fell apart because aside from the booze we had nothing together. My social calendar freed up totally. But all of these things made room for better things! Now, 11 months later drinking is honestly the last thing on my mind! I’m spiritually growing beyond my wildest dreams, I have been able to focus on building ME back up as I had forgotten who I even was. I was hurt, miserable and felt broken and lost. This is SO much better! My true relationships are much better and healthier. I can do anything any time. I’ve saved a ton of money. I’ve been discovering my passions again. My health is generally improving. Life is on this side is truly amazing if you do the work and put in the effort! Nothing changes if nothing changes. And that was just not an option I was willing to settle for as life is supposed to be really lived and ENJOYED! I hope you find what you need to beat this! :heart:


Thank you all!! I needed some uplift. I am going on vacation today which will be very hard but really want to start meetings when I get back. My main issue has been not having the support which I’m sure aa will do. My husband and I have been having issues since I’ve been trying to get sober. He thinks it’s all in my head and that I would be fine if I could just have a few drinks and not get wasted. Like I said before even two drinks gets me wasted and sick now. I just want to feel healthy again. Whenever we actually have time for eachother he wants to go to the bar. Just sucks. We met at a bar, he is a brewer and I am a bartender. We were made to fail it seems.


My wife never drinks and so she doesn’t know what it’s like to be like us. I explained it to her that it’s like being hungry, very hungry, the hungriest you could ever imagine being, and there is a piping hot pizza, right in front of you. One or two slices isn’t going to fill you up, your gonna want to eat the whole thing as fast possible. If I couldn’t eat the whole thing, I’d rather starve.

The good news is that you don’t ever have to be hungry. A well rounded recovery program will fill you up!


It’s sad your husband thinks that. I don’t know if I could cope if my wife thought that. She totally understands as I have told her everything, and obviously she had seen the hidden bottles and cans. And she could tell.
Obviously I don’t know what sort of conversation you have had with your husband, but does he know everything?


My husband simply thinks if you don’t want to drink you simply don’t drinks. He doesn’t understand either. He doesn’t understand the NEED to drink even when you don’t want to.


Yes it sucks. I won’t lie. However it DOES get better. The anxiety, depression, sickness may still be there. But not nearly as bad as it is now. Not saying that to scare you, just to say what may lay ahead.
I didn’t try AA till I was 7 months sober. I loved it. I go when I feel I need to. Who knows eventually I may need to go even more. But, give it a try with how you’re feeling now it may help. Remember the person next to you is no better or worse then you are.
My thing I did was write down the best things about being sober and the worst about drinking. I placed it in my wallet next to a picture of my wife/son and the picture of our unborn childs ultura sound. That really helped me. That way if I feel the need to buy something its all there.

Good luck. Dont be a stranger, reach out, we’re here for you!