I chickened out

I tried to go to a SA meeting today… I sat outside and got too scared to go in… I was so ready and then I got scared of how many people were there… can someone motivate me or give me some insight of the meetings? I’m just scared. I’m letting my fear get the best of me and I know deep down it will be good for me but I’m just scared.

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This has happened to the best of us, but I think you could look at this differently…you actually got to the meeting, just didn’t go in. You had the motivation and intent to go and showed up. Keep trying. You may just walk in that door next time! Keep in mind that everyone there will relate to your experience, you’ll be amongst peers and like you’ve seen through being on TS there is an instant bond there through shared experience. Try again! You may well summon up the courage to walk up to the door and open it to a new support system. I believe you can do it!

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You walk into a room, you’re warmly greeted by those near to you. Find a seat, probably on close to the exit (that’s where first timers usually sit). People will file in, chit chat, get coffee and sit down. The meeting will start. Just listen.

You are in a room full of people just like you. They know your struggles and you know theirs.

People will share their struggles or wins or feelings or how their day went. All you have to do is listen.

You may be called upon to share, all you have to do is shake your head, or say pass, or you can share. No one will judge you.

You may get some numbers of other members in the meeting to call if you need someone to talk to, they may offer literature too.

There may be “prayer” circles you can join if you’d like. I’m not religious or a believer in God, but I am a believer in human connection, so I joined on my first meeting. It was like a big group hug, felt nice.

It takes courage to walk through the door, courage to be vulnerable and you can do it.

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First of all, big props to you for just getting yourself to the parking lot outside the building. Seriously - that takes resolve. I know you didn’t go in this time, but you were almost there (and I’m willing to bet you’ll go in next time).

respect

As Rosa said above, it’s happened to all of us. Especially in the early days the nerves are intense. It’s a bit like learning to ride a bicycle. That first ride you’re like “How the hell do I balance this thing?!?! :flushed:” but once you get going you never look back.

Get back in the saddle and go to your next meeting. You are The Little Engine That Could: keep telling yourself “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can” and you will get there :innocent:

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I did the same damn thing with AA…5 times! I recently changed to Recovery Dharma…took me 2 weeks to finally hit a meeting

Guess what? You will look back and laugh at yourself for chickening out. I did!

What you are feeling is normal, just know that taking that first step into a meeting will change your life for the better!

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Maybe look at it this way: So many people there means addiction is a common human affliction, and seeking help for it shouldn’t be a source of shame or embarrassment. It’s a positive step towards freedom.

Needing to eat is common to all. Would hunger be something be to fear or a source of shame? Should you be afraid to enter a restaurant or grocery because there’s a lot of other people seeking to meet the need for food, same as you?

Sobriety is your natural human state. You will function better and ultimately be happier and more fulfilled by achieving this state. Boldly walk into the meeting and embrace the fellowship of those who want to be clean and sober for themselves, but for you as well, and do likewise for them.

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