I cut myself (again)

So I haven’t been drinking for 2 and a half months, I hit 5 years sober from H on Friday, and I’m 18 months sober from meth. And all that has been difficult.

Lately my emotions have been so intense and it’s just a lot to deal with. And last night it was too much and I fucked up. I cut myself. I used to do that when I was 12-14 and had a lot going on emotionally but I thought I wouldn’t do it again. But I did. I fucked up. I mean I’ve kept it clean and bandaged, no signs of infection so far.

But yeah. I don’t remember what I used to do in order to not hurt myself. I just feel such an urge to self destruct. I don’t know why. It’s hard to explain. As usually thatbks for reading guys.

6 Likes

Hey Amanda, Congrats on that 2 and a half months of not drinking. And 5 years off H. That’s some great stuff right there. Sorry to read your emotions came on so strong that you felt you had to cut yourself. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You sound like you know you fucked up. Maybe you won’t do it again. But it’s not the end of the world. You’ve shared it on here so you are doing something to fight back and do better next time.
:pray:t2::heart:

4 Likes

Hi!! First Congratulations on the 2 months and the the 5 years of H. Like @Dazercat said try not to be so hard on yourself, you are doing an amazing job with the others addictions try to go one step at the time.
Have you try to do physical activity???
When I stop the self harm that was one of the first things that help me, that way I could take off all the bad energy working out and if I need to feel something I was to tired at the end.
Sending you a big hug!

2 Likes

Go to the gym, join a kick boxing class, let that anger out it different ways, nobody wants to see you hurt yourself. Be proud of your accomplishments, most people can’t quit addiction like you did. You’re a powerful person, go punch a punching bag next time you feel down.

4 Likes

You said you don’t know what you used to do to not cut yourself. Somehow I hope you can figure this out. Whether it’s with help from here, help in 3D, or help from deep within yourself.
You’ve done a lot in overcoming your addictions. See yourself as powerful, strong and beautiful and wanting to help and soothe and be kind to yourself. That is what I would want for you. Simple acts of kindness that you can give yourself. Not destruction. Let the people here help you as much as they can. Let them try to talk you out of it when you feel like doing it. Hugs for you.