I don't know where to turn

Relapses
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Hi everyone,

I have lurked on here a little bit an saw all the wonderful things everyone has posted and even given praise or support when I could.

I had been sober since January, but recently I relapsed. I think you might understand the compulsion that filled me. I don’t know if that is the right word or sentiment, but I just needed to drink again. So I did. But even as I drink I am sorry I’m doing it. I don’t know how to describe it. I just feel very low. Very very low. I don’t know what I expect out of this post, but it’s really the only place I can turn to.

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I had gotten sober and went back out a couple of times before this last time. What changed for me was my perception of alcohol and sobriety. It changed from using tools that i hadn’t previously tried. This last time i fought like my life depended on it for my sobriety because it did. I’m more than happy to share anything i can that you would like to know. You can do this, you deserve a sober, healthy, happy life.

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Thank you for replying. This really means a lot to me right now

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Around 3 or 4 months was a big wall for me. Thoughts of “see, I can control it” or “fuck it, I can drink if I want to” started. The motivation and euphoria of early sobriety starts to wane also, real life kicks in and u turn to what u know. In my opinion, this is when having a program really kicks in, doing a little something everyday to maintain sobriety, meetings of course, could be podcasts or a regular posting on here. Keep at it :purple_heart:

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We’re here for eachother, keep reaching out :slightly_smiling_face:

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I’m recently back from a relapse, stick around stay active and you will get what you seek :sparkling_heart:.

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You don’t have to bc we all know exactly how you feel and that’s why everyone is here to offer you support and advice. The only thing you gotta do is listen and then put it into action.
Stick with the winners they can’t all be wrong.

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Thank you all. Like I said I am very low and this helps a lot.

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Hi i hope you start to feel better, do not let those feelings of doom and lowness keep you in a dark place.

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This hit home for me tonight. I too found myself as low as I could get and decided to drink tonight :pensive: I was only on day 3 so I feel very foolish but on a positive note tomorrow is a new day!!! I will be better and so will you :hugs:

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I relapsed twice after joining here and setting my intention to be alcohol free. You are absolutely not alone. I learned from my relapses that I didn’t have a handle on moderate consumption and could no longer keep my brands in the house. You’ll get this. Keep trying. :heart:

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I know the feeling.

I’ve been there many times.

I’ve come to the understanding that I need daily maintenance.

Each relapse got worse. The last time I drank, I lost control immediately. That’s the one that made me willing to work harder on my recovery than I had been willing to.

Don’t give up. Glad your here. Thanks for sharing.

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I hope you can remember this lowness and use it as a tool to overcome the urge next time.

It’s a reminder of how rubbish drinking is, despite what we’re sold by the media.

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I understand. I relapsed many times along my journey and it always fed into my shame and self loathing cycle. It is such a hard place to live in. I am glad you reached out and are here. Reading and interacting here helped me so much to build the confidence, knowledge base and sober toolbox I needed to let go of alcohol for good…and especially to let go of the belief that I was depriving myself of something. Instead, I finally understood I was gifting myself with sobriety…letting go of all that guilt, shame, anxiety, hangovers, bad decisions, etc.

Glad you are still fighting the good fight. :heart: We all deserve a happy, healthy, healing life.

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I have had this happen to me so many times I can’t count it…I got to the point that I just couldn’t do it to myself anymore, letting myself down. I’m glad you came in here! It’s a very helpful and inspirational place. You got this! Just take it once second at a time, and have someone to call and talk you down when you get the urge.

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Also, when I get the urge sometimes I remember how awful I felt physically and emotionally after I drank the last time, and that’s usually all it takes for me to say no. In some ways, the low points can be used against our urges.

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Thank you for posting this! I’m coming up on 75 days and I’m starting to get an “itch”! This put it back into perspective for me!

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Dont feel foolish, i gave in on day 3 too and now here i am at 41 days after. You got this! Im not gonna lie, its been hard and my emotional mood swings have been crazy this past month. Bought alcohol yesterday i was planning on drinking tonight,but im not going to bc im in a better headspace than yesterday.

Think of everyday as a new day you’ve conquered :slight_smile:

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That’s awesome :star_struck: I am going strong today!

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I hope you are doing okay. You can get back up and be even stronger now. Please keep posting and sharing. I think many of us have felt similar to where you are and I hope you know that we are all here for you :heart: