Thank you for sharing the details of your journey. I wish you the best and appreciate your honesty.
Your story helps me.
I hope you can feel the support and respect of the people here and take good care of yourself.
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I am 2 days away from one year sober and am humbled by your story and your introspection.
Thank you for allowing others to be helped by your words and to be bold and proud enough to receive help in return.
The reasons I started down this path of sobriety (a reckoning to what truly was a problem) are no longer the sole reasons I remain on this journey.
Those now include a clarity of mind, an ability to feel the full range of my emotions, the ability to stay present to both tough and beautiful moments and to be the one consistent force for good in my own lifeā¦ in other wordsā¦ to be the only person who doesnāt leave me behind.
For me, this is āthe beautyā of sobriety you reference. Itās the beauty youāve tasted, earned, worked for, held, shared, experienced, cultivated and been in dialogue with for nearly five years.
There are so few people who have done what you have done. You have transformed belief (I wonder if I can really get sober) into knowing (I was sober for nearly five years straight).
You know you can do this. You already are doing it. You are being honest, seeking out community, getting back in touch with the beauty of sobriety.
You are showing up for yourself in ways that no one else will and there are people here that are so deeply proud to this show of strength.
May I say one last thing.
There are rooms, in real life, full of real people, committed to sobriety that NEED to hear from you. They need to hear your story. Your truth. Your honesty. Your recovery. Your connection and reconnection to the beauty and gift of sobriety.
I know you are scared and embarrassed and guilty and ashamed to say this truth out loud, in front of others. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Itās so hard.
But on the other side of your honesty, you will not be the only one who grows their capacity for strength and beauty.
There is a community that grows and blossoms when its members do hard things.
If you can do five years, you can do this.
If you can five years, you can do five more.
If you can do five more, you can doā¦ā¦
Immensely proud of your honesty. Here to support you.
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Donāt beat yourself! Just get back on the bus! I quit alcohol the first time five year ago sober about five months. I thought I could just dabble in alcohol and before I knew it covid hit and it was seven days a week. I learned that itās either zero or full blown drinking. That simple.
Also, you have five years. Just build on the five years. I donāt believe in ditching your original sobriety date. Just add days to when you quit again.
Iāve found the alcoholism mentality applies to other things. I eat zero carbs but a bite of candy here and there, a sip of soda, a bite of pasta and before I know it Iām back eating like a slob and not meeting my fitness goals. Itās not just alcoholism that convinces you to play with fire.
Good luck Iām proud of you. Just get that first day under your belt and youāll be on your way!!!
Welcome back! One day at a time! I just diagnosed with cancer! It was a wakeup call! Iām in the process of starting to live my life the right wayā¦the way it was supposed to be. Iām going back to school and hopefully in 2-3 years I will be in a much better place! I have handed everything over to God! Iām tired of being a train wreck and just mediocre! I know with God, Jesus, Recovery, and AAā¦I will have that chance to be all that I can be! Hope you arenāt offended by God and Jesusā¦keep up the Good Fight and just live one day at a time!! Spiritual progress not perfectionā¦Iām not perfect in that regards but I am trying and that is what counts. Good 
Susan
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