Last night I drank, a lot. I don’t know why, I don’t if it’s my un-medicated bi polar that got me, or just a moment of weakness. I sit here writing this with a hangover, and tears in my eyes, it’s all very surreal. But that was an incident, not a relapse however. I love sobriety, and I hate drinking. And I realized last night as I was drinking that it brought me no kind of satisfaction, no peace, no happiness, it was automatic almost, like a reflex. No matter how much I drank it never felt like enough, never felt full. Had to keep getting more, I don’t even remember walking home again. NOTHING changed, and I knew it wouldn’t. I’m embarrassed but if I don’t post this here there is no accountability. For whatever reason around 40 days seems to be hard to get too without incident. I am not giving up however, I am not about t lose all this progress I’ve been making. I guess the question now is do I reset or just count the day as a loss? kind of terrified of the prospect of losing all that time, but I did do this to myself. No one took control of my body and forced me to do anything. But I know this is just a bump in the road to recovery, I refused to ever get derailed again, got to keep moving forward!
Hugs…I’m so sorry. I gotta say after celebrating 30 days yesterday I’m having an overwhelming desire to drink. I can only guess we all have, or will, experience this.
As for reset I don’t know. I guess you have to decide what is a relapse. Is it one drink, one night, a full bender??? I guess the good thing that it hasn’t taken full control of you so maybe it isn’t a reset.
Let’s see what others say.
Well done for posting @Leigh. You said it yourself - keep moving forward. One breath, minute, hour, day at a time. This is a tough journey. The road to all good things is. This is a bump. Know that we understand and are working through similar mental twitches. “Your past is not your potential” (love that quote talking sober). A big virtual hug from me 
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Good job at coming back on here and not continuing on drinking @Leigh. That takes some serious courage. Idk if I would have been that strong to just stop the next day. Cheers to you on making it through and coming back
I have successfully not drank for 3 days this month i originally planned for the whole month but relapsed 4 of the days, ive been doing meditation hypnosis and considering going to church have you been to a aa meeting? Im too scared to go
Lets try have a sober 2017
@Leigh Good to see back on here…you didn’t give up. As for resetting, only you can think about this and know what is right. Take time and be honest with yourself. I personally chose to reset because I knew I relapsed by choosing to drink. Think about how much you learned in the time you had. Keep coming back.
I would reset because it’s a way of holding ourselves accountable. Of course you’ll bounce back and be ok. We all take pride in how long we’re able to stay sober. It’s why we post our days and give each other props and encouragement. I also think resetting gives a clarity and refocus. A drive if you will to get back to where we were and beyond.
Glad you posted! I know how it feels to relapse as I’m sure others do here as well. Relapse is part of our journey to recovery. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again. You’ve got a lot of support on here. 
Proud of you! I had to reset recently too and it wasn’t fun. Instead of focusing on the small number I look at my timeline graph to see how much progress I have made and keep moving forward!
Thank you for sharing @Leigh. It shows strength to come on here and make yourself accountable. Only you can decide to reset. I kind of agree with @alpine_1975 but of course this is up to you. Stay strong!
Thanks for sharing. This insight may shape another persons decision before relapse- it’s a learning experience for both you and this community.
I’d harness this remorse you feel and grow from it. Identify what this “reflex” is about and work on that aspect- recovery is a battle, arm yourself with what you learned from this experience and you’ll only be stronger.
I think what I’ve said previously applies here: throw me to the wolves and I’ll return leading the pack 
Hang tuff, you have this in the palm of your hand.
@VSue @Oliverjava @rabbit @Steve92 @Melrm @alpine_1975 @Leelee77 @Gemstone123 @Elisabeth @Philip_W and everyone who responded
Thank you everyone for all of your support, lord knows I really needed it yesterday!!! I was quite disheveled and heart broken. But after reading all of these posts I’ve realized that this one set back doesn’t have to determine my future, and I guess this is just part of the process to fully recovering. It’s getting back up instead of staying knocked down when you get hit. So ultimately I’ve decided to reset, I think it’s a good idea, it think doing this will be a good deterrent for the next time a moment of weakness comes around. After all we are only human and should’t expect perfection, just the best we can do. I love you all, thank you again 
: this forum has be my saving grace for a while now, know that you are all thoroughly appreciated <3
Lucy I know that struggle! I LOVE meditation, it’s helped a lot in getting my through the 40 days before l relapsed here and It will continue to be a tool for me in the future. I’m actually Buddhist and where I live there are a lot of temples but I need to start going every week I haven’t been good about it. I think it’s important to have a community. I have been to AA a few times but I never really felt like it was the right place for me, you should definitely check it out at least, having a sober community of friends is important to recovery because most people we know can’t really understand what we have been though because they haven’t been through it themselves. Best of luck on your recovery if you ever want to talk i’m here 
Thanks so much for the support im feeling pretty crap at the moment but im about to do some kickboxing to make myself feel better im looking forward to a clean sober day tomorrow at work i have to take one day at a time but i can see myself feeling proud and happy tomorrow without a hangover and feeling guilty
I can truly relate to you I hide it from husband as well… also relapsed yesterday … stay strong ur an amazing. Person and take it one day at a. Time
We all fall down…today is a new day…recreate your dream…get up and take the first step in that direction…great that you shared…there is no judgement here…only support…you can do this…
This is what this app is about. Sharing your up and downs and knowing that you are not alone. We’ve all been through it and it sucks, but next time know that if you feel like it too hard at that moment reach out, because one of us might be going through the exact same thing and maybe you sharing might help them and yourself at the same time. We all are brothers and sisters of sobriety. Chin up
I’d pay for my alcohol with cash so he wouldn’t see any charges from the liquor store on our debit card. I would throw away all the empty bottles before he’d get home from work. I was convinced he wouldn’t suspect a thing. Maybe he knew but didn’t say anything. I remember hearing in AA that you’re only as sick as your secrets. My secrets were awful and shameful. I don’t want to live with these secrets anymore. Relapse is part of this disease. We pick ourselves up and put in the fight to save our lives. You got this!