I feel absolutely awful

Im a week sober and i feel like shit. The withdrawal is mostly over, but i feel so bad. All my repressed feelings are coming back to surface and i cant deal with all this anymore.

Ive been suicidal before, and im not that low but i still want this shit to be over. Im not going to kill myself, but if something else wants to kill me it can go for it. Maybe I’ll be on a walk in the woods, and a large tree branch falls on me qnd crushes me to death. Who knows? I have ptsd and bipolar, i don’t want to deal with it anymore. I am so tired of struggling with all of this.

(Im not going to hurt myself, im not in any immediate danger. I just needed to rant.)

You’ve felt absolutely nothing positive since getting sober a week ago?

Life sucked when I first got sober, for sure, however I could always find some aspect of life that improved. One of the first things that improved was my reliability. I could be counted on to get to work, I could be counted on to make my IOP sessions. I made all my appointments with the courts and our DCS casewprker. Another thing that improved was my sleep, and I didn’t sleep well. I didn’t sleep well but I was still much more rested and alert when I got up.

It’s been a week, Rome wasn’t built over night or even a week but it was indeed burned in a weeks time.

Sobriety, and enjoying life is so much more than just putting the drink down. Alcohol gave you something, and now it’s gone, there’s a blackhole mixed with all the fucked up chemical imbalance that’s taking place in the brain.

Do you work any program? Doing it on your own? Therapy? Everyone wants life to go back to the way it “was” but the way it was must not have been all that good because look where that road led you. Time to build a better life, the life you crave, the life that looks like a mirage in the desert heat. Gotta work for it for yourself.

Change your perspective, change your world.

1 Like

I’ve had PTSD, but I’m not bipolar, so I get what you’re saying from one perspective.

In the past, I’ve confused giving up with a desire to change. To me, this feeling is a desire to change, and that’s a good thing!

Surrender and struggling are two different things, and struggling wore me out. Surrendering, however, was easy once I figured out how.