I’m 5 years sober on august but I feel like a fraud especially because I’m not immersed into any program anymore, my sponsor kinda ghosted me after 3 years of working the program with me (I understand she got married and gave birth), other than that my rules haven’t been strict at all I hang around people with different lifestyles I’ve hung out with my friends while they were drinking and I’ve hung out with a friend as she smoked (marijuana) I however did not partake in any of that, still I don’t know if that affects the validity of my sobriety, I’m not sure I’m doing this thing right but I’ve been sober regardless even though I don’t follow a strict regime nor have a sponsor nor do I update other ex addicts I don’t attend meeting as well, so I don’t know I just want everyone’s honest opinions.
You are not responsible for others’ sober, or not, activities.
You are only responsible for your own, and it sounds like you’re doing ok.
As we move through sobriety it’s kind of natural to end up being around people who aren’t fully sober - that’s just being part of the normal world.
If you’re sober, then you’re sober. What other people are doing is not your problem, nor does it relate to, or affect, your personal sobriety.
Thank you for the validation, I appreciate it I sometimes overthink and overanalyse situations and how I could’ve handled them worse in the past, but instead I should just watch my growth, sending love x
@AyBee said it right.
Sometimes, i go and hang with the boys.
They drink, i don’t. But, ill leave after a few hours, we laugh, we enjoy, we whatever.
Then i go home and sleep.
Thats that.
Recovery is not a one-size-fits-all type thing it’s a spectrum disorder. If you feel content and peace and you’re working at your goals and living your life and you’re happy then it doesn’t matter about labels or programs or really anything like that. If you feel like going back to a program would benefit your life then maybe it’s because it’s something you want to do. You don’t have to work a program. It’s like how The only requirement for membership to AA is a desire to stop drinking.. Steps and everything else is optional or suggested. But I will say if you feel like a fraud then maybe that’s something you have to think about as far as maybe something is missing in your life that the program gave you. I don’t think you’re a fraud but maybe you just feel like something is missing. Maybe it was the networking or being around like-minded people. Maybe it’s the step work and applying that to your life. At the end of the day I wouldn’t beat yourself up and I would be happy with your sobriety time and at least you care. There’s nothing wrong with caring or questioning things. Congrats on your sobriety time
Ps: There’s nothing wrong with being around people that are drinking as long as you feel strong in your recovery and they respect your boundaries and decision to not drink or smoke
I want to tell this story that recently at the sober living house I live at I was talking about one of my neighbors and how he Really is a good dude and Is always in a good mood , Always helping people and just has a good attitude towards life. I was talking about this friend to somebody else at the house and they said to me well he has no program !! all he does is go to the gym and maybe church once a week!! Like seriously angry and telling me this… I literally said to him so what!! The gym and exercise maybe that is his program. He’s working out his goals , he is staying sober And living his life. Meanwhile the guy who is supposedly working a AA program is Miserable And being very judgmental of my friend for not conforming to AA beliefs. Obviously not every person in AA is like this but my point is that there is many different ways to stay sober or types of programs or lifestyles. All that matters at the end of the day is how you are improving or evolving and how you want to live your life
Congratulations on your soon 5 years, that’s a great achievement 
I think it is normal to reflect and question our current situation from time to time, be it recovery or anything else in life.
Maybe the upcoming milestone makes you irritated and in need to reflect on where you are and how it is going, how you feel, if you are missing something etc.
You for sure are doing the right thing, you are sober, you work on your recovery, you enjoy your social life, you are vigilant about staying on the sober path.
Many people don’t participate in a 12 step or other kind of programm. You do what supports your recovery best and keeps you strong in your sobriety.
What helps me when I’m in such place mentally is journalling and writing things down. There are patterns and they are more easyly detectable when going through your downwritten thoughts. Working on old patterns, learned mindsets, old belief sets that are unhealthy and not supportive is a journey. It seems to me you feeling like a fraud comes from such an old mindset you once learned. You are doing fine and you are doing you. Keep rocking 
If you can live like a regular person and keep your sobriety you should be very grateful, but obviously keep a keen eye out for temptations. I hope you keep it up and can find the value in that lifestyle as long as it’s working.
If your sober then your sobriety is valid.
Immaterial who you hang out with or even if you’re not actively following a program.
Although that’s the better road to travel, and I would suggest you might want to get back into, I take it’s AA, and get a new sponsor.
Keep on keeping on!
&
as suggested maybe go back to meetings and get a new sponsor might help but your decision if your unhappy with yourself then maybe a new challenge will help you wish you well as the saying goes hang around the barbers long enough your get a hair cut
Have you heard of ‘imposter syndrome’?
Just want to check in and ask how you are doing
The only thing you need to be sober is to not drink or use. You are absolutely sober if you are not drinking or using. If you have been sober for almost 5 years then you are doing something right.
That being said, the addict voice can get slowly louder without being noticed. If you have been emmersed in the program you know the techniques, so if you feel a little resentful or tired or romantising use then do some reading or make a daily inventory for a period of time, or join some meetings (online is always an option if you are busy). You don’t have to be ‘in’ the program or ‘out’, you can utilise the things you learnt in the program in your daily life.
Everyone does it different!
Do what works for you!
But be wary of spending a lot of time with people who have the vices that you’ve left behind… They say you turn into a copy of the 3 people you spend the most time with, so be aware of that
In my honest opinion, u are not a fraud. U are sober 
Just because u dont have a set program to follow at the moment or dont attend meetings, doesnt mean that ur a fraud. Theres many ways to find recovery.
I started my recovery journey in 2001 by attending NA meetings. I struggled quite a bit during that time with my addictions but I continued to attend meetings for over 10 years. Had a sponsor or 2 or 3 lol and even did the steps. I moved to another province and very occasionally attend an online meeting here or there. I now have 3.5 years clean. Even tho i dont work a program persay, i still live my life now with all that i have learned when i attended meetings. I have never forgetten that information. Same with u! U worked a “program” for 3 years before ur sponsor ghosted u. Im sure u have learned alot and have done incredibly well maintaining ur sobriety for 5 years. Thats huge!!
As for hanging around others that drink/use, i suppose thats only for u to decide. I personally dont feel comfortable being around people that use drugs. Being around others who drink does not bother me (unless they are drunk, then thats an issue for me). But i also never had an issue with alcohol so alcohol itself doesnt trigger me. I suppose if ur second guessing urself tho, than maybe being around those people is not the best fit for u. But only u can truly decide. U havent consumed any substances so in my eyes ur still sober
That was really sweet, I’m doing well I’m 5 years and almost a month sober 
I hope you’re well and happy.
Thank you, I do utilise some of the things I’ve learned from the program so it’s actually quite helpful but I prefer it be a tool rather than a focal point. And congrats to you as well! (and yes thankfully my friends completely understand and respect my boundaries), and it’s true that feeling of something missing comes and goes maybe I do miss the community and the closeness that comes with it since sober me is more reserved and I keep to myself it helped me open up but I’m so grateful I’ve made it this far and I do give some credit to the program for keeping me grounded during the first three years, and it’s true it’s not a one size fits all we all find purpose and solace in our unique ways, sending love x
:’) you’re absolutely right! Well that actually is one of the taught things that I’m not very fond of the idea that this is “the right way of recovery” and so everyone else not working the program but sober is just abstaining and vulnerable to relapse, it felt constricting at times they’ve created a hierarchy an “us and them” type of mentality and embedded it into their brain along with other overly restrictive rules in a cult like manner, taking anything to an extreme will make you miserable, thankfully my sponsor was a chill person and always taught me to take what I need what resonates and leave the rest
You’re such a warm person, thank you. And you’re definitely right journaling without fail always helps me and yes it was definitely milestone stress and yes there are some thought patterns I need to let go of, congratulations to you as well! You’re doing such a great job being a genuinely supportive person <33
thank you, and yes I’m very grateful it’s taken a lot of work to get to where I am and yes always vigilant. When temptations come I try not to keep it to myself then distract myself till I feel safe enough to properly look inwards to fix the root instead of numb it