TW: self harm. I tried so hard but I relapsed yesterday. It’s not something I can distance myself from, because I scratch my lower back until I bleed. It’s so hard to stop. I can’t believe I did this. I was good for 2 months. And I just… ruined it.
I’m not knowledgeable enough to help you with this but I’m letting you know I’m thinking of you… Love yourself
I’m so sorry you are struggling. You are not a piece of crap. You have a problem that you are trying to deal with, and that is a good and brave thing to do.
Is this a purposeful type of self-harm (meaning you begin the behavior with the intent to make yourself bleed) or is it compulsive where you feel like you can’t stop yourself or don’t even notice yourself doing it until it’s too late (like trichotillomania)?
Identifying this may help you decide on a course of treatment. Either way, I hope you have or seek out the help of a professional psychologist. I don’t personally know much about self-harm, but I do know it is considered treatable and people do overcome it.
Please be nice to yourself, this journey will be a rollercoaster. Please talk to a professional about self harming. I use to get a sense of relief, or my way of punishing myself, but I never did it frequently, just when I felt trapped within my feelings. (I bottle things up for months then explode). It helped me to write my feelings down to clear my head. Some people think its attention seeking, but it’s not all. Everyone has a different life story, but all problems are just important to each individual. If you use tools can you put them away out of sight. Self harming is difficult to stop, especially when you are feeling in pain or depressed, basically having a crap day, You have come this far and you are strong enough to continue. You can beat this and you have supportive people here to help you.