My grandfather passed away a few days ago, and today’s his service. I obviously have to go and want to be there, but im very nervous since theres going to be tons of alcohol around. I’m not taking his death so well, so im afraid i might give in to drown my sorrows. I’m 21 days clean and sober.
Any suggestions on how to deal with these sort of situations? :(
Hi Rach,
Sorry your loss. I’ve lost both my parents in the last 10 years. My advice to you is the advice I wish I heeded. My parents didn’t drink, neither my brother, guess I was the black sheep so to speak. My advice is that what would your grandfather, grandmother, parents, i.e. people who care about you do. How would they handle their grief at his passing? Find your strength among others who will be there. Hopefully they won’t all be partaking. If they do, ask themselves why? You have in yourself to raise the bar (not literally either).
21 days is awesome. I am in the same beginnings myself and we just need to tap into our inner resolve to abstain. Your (inner) spirit will be soaring high if you can get through your day today. I wish you the best of luck. I’m reading a book right now which includes an anycromn (sp) S.O.B.E.R. which is talking about maintaining a mindfulness rather going on auto-pilot.
S=stop, O=observe, B=breathe (I stink at that), E=expand, R=respond (vs. react).
Thank you for your kind words. I greatly appriciate it during this tough time
Very true. I know my grandfather knew dying that I was on a bad path with drugs and alcohol. It kills me. I want to make him proud of me again. I’m going to try to hold onto this thought.
Thank you so much. I’m working on the positivity thing. It’s hard work, but i will take baby steps to get there
So sorry for your loss. Just take today to love yourself and don’t drink. Sober tonight, serene tomorrow.
First, I am so sorry for your loss😔 Jus so sorry.
Second, you got some great suggestions from the others. So I’ll give you the whole tape. Played all the way thru.
If you drink at this wake it will be very messy. I’m sure you have heard the term “head full of AA/NA with a belly full of booze”. Bad combo. Those emotions are not something you want to deal with. Especially at a wake. You will feel like the worlds biggest piece of shit and most likely end up crying in a corner with a bottle of champagne. Not shedding some grief tears like everyone else, but drunk sobbing. Make up running, making an ass of yourself sobbing. Then there will most likely be some kind of incident with one or all of your family members and that won’t be pretty. It will be a fucking mess! All because you decided to drink and drown Your sorrows.
A wake is a celebration of life. Your grandfathers life. The Program teaches us to take our Self out of things. This is a big example of that. It’s not about you and your sorrows. It’s about you grandfather and his life. He so proud of you wherever he is right now. So try to think about him and what he would want ya to do.
Please don’t get me wrong. This message is from a place of love. This sobriety shit is so hard. But you are doing it. I can’t pretend to know how you are feeling with this loss. But I do know the feeling of overcoming a bad situation. And so do you. You can do this. I know you can do this!!!
I also want to first say I’m so sorry for the pain your feeling from the loss of your grandfather, it’s never easy to lose a lived one. I just want to echo some of what Gabe said. When my grandmother died we all drank, now the memory of that has tainted the grief I should have been letting myself feel. I remember more the regret of drinking then I do about talking about memories of her. I feel now it was selfish and took away from the night, I hope you don’t end up with that regret, dont let alcohol take this memory from you. It hurts and it’s hard , but try to be fully present during this, your future self will be thankful to you, and 21 days is nothing to squander away, you’ve done an amazing thing, don’t let go of it. Good luck!
Yes I had an uncle pass away recently. I would say stay for the service and then excuse yourself. Everyone deals with this kind of thing differently and some like to mourn privately its okay if you dont stick around for the drinking part.
Im so sorry for your loss💜
Alcohol is a depressant. Don’t do it. It will only make things worse and you will regret it right after it goes in your mouth. Stay strong. Just for today. You can do it.
Dont risk your sobriety. Stay only as long as you need to then leave. Trust me, nothing is more important than your sobriety.