The longer I’m sober, the more I want to die because I hate who I am as a person. Like, part of me wishes I would have died all those times I passed out and overdosed and stuff. Is this a normal feeling that looks pass, or should I try rehab? I just want to not hate myself and get better. But it’s finals week at my university in two weeks and I don’t want to waste a semester of school and miss finals. I just don’t know if I can do this. I feel so messed up and I can’t sleep and in feel like crap. I know the physical ailments go away, in just concerned about everything else like the wanting to die part of me.
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You’re not strange for feeling like that. Sometimes bad thoughts are a sign how you need help. Does your school have a psychiatrist or a nurse you can talk to? I know it might feel difficult, but talking from experience, I really only started getting better once I talked with a professional about my addictions and depression. In the meanwhile, do things that make you happy. Good luck with the finals!
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I agree with the above comments, definitely look into what your university has to offer.
If most schools could come up with programs to help kids post election, I’m sure they’ve got some options for you.
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They do, but the last time one of my friends reached out to the schools counseling services for depression, they kicked him off campus due to the fact that if he did decide to hurt himself, it would be bad publicity. So I don’t really feel comfortable reaching out to my school. If you admit you have a problem, they fine you or kick you off. Perks of going to a private, for profit university, I guess
Is there any way that you could set it up with the school to have a proctor come give you your exams while in rehab? Some schools are willing to make compromises for the mental well being of their students, especially if the student has been doing well during the year. I’m not sure how your school is, but it’s something to look into under their policies.