I’m seriously thinking to give up this sobriety thing. I’m not suited for it.
I don’t feel good, not at all. I’m so tired of my thoughts and there’s no one in real life that support me, not even myself, I wanna drink, and cut so bad because it just hurt too much, I’m so tired. I want to die so bad it hurts.
Hey @mirage I feel you. Maybe let’s just wait a bit longer. Just for today. Who the hell knows what tomorrow will be 
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Hey sweet,I’m sorry your in pain emotionally,can’t you speak to a Dr who then can refer to the support you so need ,call them today explain to them what you have explained how your feeling on here,at the leader your get over the phone or zoom support ,I know c19 has changed alot of things but there is still support out there.
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Hey @mirage, your thinking is askew. Your pain is real and I feel you, I really do. Have known deep deep depression myself for half my life and am still battling with it, but nowhere near as bad nowadays. but this pain is rooted in the world and in you in the world - doctoring it with the external relieves of alcohol and cutting have nothing to do with it and will do nothing for you to help you with this pain. The only way out for you is to eventually deal with your pain. You are suited to sobriety, you are looking for a way out. The way out is not to burrow your head deeper in your age old coping mechanisms that keep you in this rabbit hole of despair. Walk the walk out. Your feeling bad because your letting yourself feel your pain. Seek therapy, seek confidence in 12 members, seek connection and start dealing with what drives you to drink and cutting, why you hurt so bad.
It goes without saying I wish you the best of luck and strenght. Stay with us. Let us know what we can do to help you stay on board.
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In fact I was just walking my dog and feeling depressed and worthless and head spinning in those deadly cycles today. I thought of booze like I have not in a long long time. I’m 10 months sober. It makes me want to cry that I still hurt so much and life is hard and scary enough that I know alcohol would taste good and would surely make me feel so much better for today. But by god, I know it is not the way out. Stay with me, @mirage, if I can resist my demons and choose life so can you! 
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“all I want to do now is survive this and then learn how to live💕”
Remember this thought; don’t lose all you’ve worked for.
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I had the same thought when i started. I was in the shower and thought to myself, drinking was the only thing I was ever good at. 800 days later, i am thankful i did not give up.
Its hard, for some of us. This feeling will pass and the blessings of sobriety will fill your life.
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I am so sorry that you are struggling so much. Starting this thread shows me that you, deep inside yourself, don’t want to give up! You have us all standing behind you. Drinking and cutting won’t make you feel good at all. In fact they will push you more forward into the downward spiral. Stay with us. Maybe try a zoom meeting and talk to people? I wish you all the best. Big hug. 
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I am sorry that you are at a point where you believe that your best natural state of being is addiction and self-inflicted pain.
It appears that you have a lot going on inside of your mind. Have you considered maybe you aren’t in the best mental state to be your own advocate, and professional help a better solution?
These are trying times for all. Even I have had to fight daily to keep my mind from wallowing in darkness and despair. I remember what happened the last time I gave into emotional pain, seeking solace in a bottle: it almost wrecked everything and everyone good in my life. Fortunately I caught myself before it was too late, and I vowed to never again take a step down that path, no matter how appealing it seems on the surface.
You matter to someone, maybe more than you matter to yourself right now. Maybe you know this person, or maybe this person is waiting in your future. Maybe this person is YOU!
Wishing you peace.
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I’m really grateful for all the help y’all are showing me. Unfortunately there’s no one I can talk with (in real life), I don’t have any friends and my father don’t support me so heh there’s nothing much I can do.
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First, TS is “real life”. Second, friends or family, even if they are available and willing, might not be intellectually or spiritually equipped to understand your current challenges. There are crisis counselors, 12-step programs, and all kinds of help out there, just waiting for you to say “please help me”.
It’s better to light a candle, than curse the darkness.
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So sorry to hear that you’re in pain. But Sweet Soul, please know you ARE loved. God loves you.
You are here because you matter. Because you ARE worthy. Please, stay online and keep talking with us. It’s so hard, when you feel like to have no one in “real life” you can reach out to, but please know there are ppl who care, who want to listen and who want to help you. Seek out a therapist or a supportive community : ) Just gotta accept this, that there are ppl who want to help you, and be open to it. Walks outside in nature, taking in the tree’s and the sky, the clouds and the sunshine, the birds… this will help you to feel good and be present in the moment. Don’t stay stuck in your mind, fixed in the past or future. Be here, in the now. What are some things in your life that you love? What makes you feel some sort of joy? Do you have a pet? what type of comedy do you like? Please share with us 
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I hear you ok.
HoweverThese thoughts and feelings will pass. Thoughts are just thoughts and all feelings are temporary.
We here support u. Hang tight
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Meetings are opening back up all over the world. There’s people just like you there. People that understand
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well this week everything reopened here (Italy) after quarantine so I was seriously thinking about a support group but I don’t really know how this works.
the only reason why I haven’t already tried this option is because I don’t want to feel I burden to anyone haha
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I think if you google meetings in your area you should find something. 
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We love you.
I’m praying for you to find a meeting. God always puts the right people in the right place at the right time. Praying he’ll do that for you. Keep coming back here and let us know how you’re doing. Don’t give up.
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I’ve had many of those same feelings. Especially the ‘burdening’ people part. I thought I could do it alone but that’s just not possible for me. I forced myself to go to aa, before c19, and it began to change my life so incredibly much for the better. I’ve since relapsed during quarantine and still struggle but ill never give up. I know how good I felt and I know how to get that amazing feeling back. It’s just a matter of reaching out when you need to, just like you’ve done here. There are many many options to get the help you need. You just have to look(and it’s not that hard to find something) and then follow thru. You dont have to feel this way forever. The further away you get from your addictions, the clearer your mind will get. Not every day is a walk in the park, but on those bad days, maybe a walk in the park could change your mood for the better. It does take work, I know, but it will get easier. Stay with us. I did during my whole relapse, even tho I felt as if I didnt deserve to be here. We all deserve to live out our best life. Going back to your addictions will just postpone the inevitable. No one can truly live that way forever. Bc it isnt living at all. Just endless suffering while slowly killing yourself. I hope you can make it thru this tough time bc you’ll come out even stronger in the end if you dont give in. All the best 
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Also I am truly sorry for your pain. I wish I was more qualified to help you. I’m probably not the only one who feels this way. I guess we all try and help by sharing past experiences from our lives.
When my daughter got out of her sober living house and finally got an apartment she went and rescued a cat. Well it turns out the cat rescued her. She swears to God that cat rescued her. They been together 10 clean years now. Obviously this may not be for you and definitely not an answer to a lot of your problems. But I’m sharing.
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