I fell off the wagon you should have heard the thud

I fell again and now it feels harder to stop cause I’m not puking, bloody nose, can’t move stuff like before just swollen liver I can feel and eyes turning yellow again. I stopped the malt drinks and liquor but now it’s wine up to 4 bottles a night I want more than anything to stop I have the medication to help but the night sweats and body shakes at 3am are hard when i have to get up 6 and get the kids ready I’m scared to detox again but have to I need help and sometimes wish I could go back to inpatient. I feel like it’s sad I miss being in the hospital but life was so much easier there but I have 3 kids I have to be here for and need to get my shit together. I always apologize for using this board like a diary to get things out so again sorry for this I should be able to do it but I’m lost and need help and no meetings are open in my area cause of fucking covid crap sorry for the venting


Welcome here. You made a good first step venting here and asking for someone to talk to.
Please stop hurting your body and soul like this.
Maybe you can only for today or maybe only for an hour stand the symptoms of the detox. Break it down little by little and go through the waves. You know already from past, that it will pass.
Just be there now, do your things, love your kids, know detox is f… hard and there will be lots of excuses maybe to get out of it.
Until you find maybe an outpatient programm or other intrinsic motivation just one breath at the time.
Maybe also call the doctor for advice on how to detox, from drinking a lot over longer time it can be pretty serious. But only you can feel that.
Be here on the forum, vent, ask for help or only just read to remind you.
You are worth it


You can stop.
You do have it within you, just like everyone else has.
You’ve got every reason to stop.
Primarily you health and your mental well-being.
Secondly your kids.
You’ve been here since May but only have 4 hours read time.
The statistics support a more active participation on here helps to get sober.
Meetings are hard to attend at the moment so spend time on here.
By now you will know that you can’t do this on your own.
Use this forum.
SMART is online.
Intherooms is online
Get involved, have sobriety the number one thing in your life and you will be surprised at how quickly you will be able to get and stay sober.
Once you realise this the motivation will keep you going.
For me, after about 3 weeks I realised that I could actually function without alcohol so that was motivating me. And the guys on here helped enormously.
I lived, ate, slept my sobriety.
I found it the only way.

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I HIGHLY suggest online meetings!!! Theres hundreds of thousands. Download zoom and then search for online AA meetings. Also if you are experiencing detox off that much alcohol it’s quite likely you should be doing a medical detox or at least be tapering yourself down off booze. Alcohol withdrawal is deadly. I know you need to be there for your kids but it may be worth it to get medical help and do this thing right so you can be there for them long term

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I lapsed labor day weekend. But now I have a new 7 days completed and happy. I looked at why I slipped, took some steps to remember that and have helped me this week. It’s ok just realize what caused it. And yeah many online meetings. I’ve used InTheRooms it’s global but kinda cool since it’s worldwide.