It was a very weird feeling and something that I haven’t felt in a VERY long time. I actually almost poured myself a drink. It was like I was on autopilot and not thinking. It wasn’t a craving, there wasn’t a trigger, it was just a feeling as if someone else had control over me; felt like my non-sober self.
I’m still sober. Just trying to figure out what happened.
Edit: I’m almost 14 months sober which makes the feeling for me even more uncomfortable.
you are a strong person. that auto pilot is a horrible feeling.
keep up the good work. ur not alone
its like my head tells me what to do on auto piolet. pick up the phone and talk it out.
it felt so good to have a sober thanksgiving
Some head doctors say it takes about as long to get over something as it does being in the thing…
I’ve been drinking for 28 years… And though new to sobriety… My head know when to go for a drink and just does… It knows it more than me telling it no… It can be a physical effort, though actually psychological, to not do what I’m telling myself to to… I think its a bit, but not quite, like breathing… The choice is already made… Its the unmaking of it that’s the effort … And I know that’s Going to be there for a long long time…
Before I relapsed 2 1/2 years ago I had 18 months of sobriety. I had faced many difficult situations and always fought off the desire to drink. I was in a good place, had started a new job, had a good relationship and then one day while on a weekend getaway I just pored myself a drink. I drank every single day after that until 12 days ago.
Looking back now I think it was my complacency with being sober. I was on autopilot. my life was good. I had stopped going to my meetings, stopped reminding myself of how dangerous alcohol was for me. Lesson learned now.
I wish I would have kept up with my meetings, been involved with a site like this and not have let myself get comfortable with being sober. Wish I would have done what you have done and at least reached out to someone to talk about it.
Hopefully this helps in some small way. Looks like you’re making better decisions than I did. Stay strong, be proud of where you are at, but never forget how easily you can be right back to where you were.
You should give yourself a little more time before you get down on yourself. It hasn’t been long enough. Stay vigilant.
You caught yourself, made yourself aware, talked about what happened, and raised your awareness. Sounds to me like you did everything right. It does creep back in, it’s a long term habit, so it may happen from time to time. My longest sober stretch was about 4 years and sometimes auto pilot kicks in. I’ve very recently learned that not only being cognizant of it, but talking about it, really helps. Otherwise it can become just a fleeting and damaging thought. You done good kid!
That feeling is one of the reasons I stay active here, so that I am reminded of where I came from and how much that cost me. I have to remember that life is in my past.
And good job not drinking.
Call it muscle memory or lizard brain reaction, it demonstrates how deeply engrained in us is the drinking behavior. Almost like a waking drunk dream.
Don’t fret on this. You didn’t drink, the reaction is starting to feel unnatural which is great, and you came here to unburden yourself of it. Every thing is alright
Thank you all for your encouragement and support. It means a lot. I’m so grateful I can come to you all and not worry about being judged or criticized. It makes things a lot easier when we have a place to go and people who understand to talk to.
I’ve had that feeling!! It’s like someone else is reaching out to pour from the bottle. I have to actively remind myself “hey, I don’t drink!”.
Good job and congrats on 14 months!!
I know exactly the feeling you mean, this happened to me on holiday this year. I am also just over a year sober and I go about daily life without constantly thinking about drinking (or not drinking) and things are usually pretty stable. A couple of days into our holiday though my partner brought a bottle of wine into the lounge and poured it in front of me (he does this all the time, never usually a problem) my brain just went straight to oh I’ll have one of them, it seemed so normal I almost said it out loud before I caught the thought and stopped myself. It niggled me for a good few days that it had happened and why had it happened. For me as @SinceIAwoke said above I think those thoughts and behaviours are so well ingrained in our brains it would be mad to think that they wouldn’t pop to the surface occasionally, but you recognised it for what it is and didn’t act on it and now you’re talking it through. They definitely do unsettle you a bit though, It’s one of the reasons I am still here every single day because the more an alcohol free life becomes the norm for me the easier it is to forget the life that went before and that weakens my defences against these occasional thoughts that come from old ingrained behaviours. I don’t want to forget that life, that’s when I know I’d be in dangerous territory
Holidays are tough for me. I always get the urge to use for some reason. Sort of sucks, because you want the holidays to be good times, but I sort of dread them for this reason.
Hey Brooke, and @Shell,
This sensation has been around forever. In 1948, the book “24 hours a day” went into publication. Here is the thought for the day for December 1.
The thoughts that come before having a slip are often largely subconscious. It is a question whether or not our subconscious minds ever become entirely free from alcoholic thoughts as long as we live. For instance, some of us dream about being drunk when we are asleep, even after several years of sobriety in A.A. During the period of our drinking days, our subconscious minds have been thoroughly conditioned by our alcoholic way of thinking and it is doubtful if they ever become entirely free of such thoughts during our lifetime. But when our conscious minds are fully conditioned against drinking, we can stay sober and our subconscious minds do not often bother us. Am I still conditioning my conscious mind?
We are not the first folks to experience this phenomenon and there is some comfort in that. Blessings on all of us today. 