I didn’t drink for 17 days… Ive been struggling mentally and not feeling very supported. Ive been trying to do it alone and haven’t really been talking to anyone about what’s going on in my head, feels lonley. I have a hard time opening up and sharing my feelings, especially if they are bad ones.
Now to what happened…
My partner has finally moved into the house and it’s been absolutely wonderful! They didn’t drink for 17 days with me and did have intentions on drinking again for special occasions, but never bringing it in the house. Last night they texted me while I was at work and told me they wanted to have one glass of wine while they were listening to music. They were completely fine with not drinking if it would upset me. I told them it would and I can’t have alcohol in the house so soon into my sobriety, and they didn’t and understood. I ended up thinking about it for a couple hours and started getting upset. I’m upset they said they’d only do it on special occasions and not bring it in the house and then tried to go back on there word… they told me they want to be able to drink when they want, which won’t be often… I started getting fearful of the future and being able to be sober while my partner drinks, promises things and then goes back on it… I know its my problem and not theirs… I got all pissy after worked and got in a “screw it, I don’t care” mood. I felt that even if they didn’t drink tonight it’s only a matter of time until they did, and I’d be tempted… I walked to the corner store and drank two giant beers and of course woke up feeling like shit. But I will say this replase is different than any other one I’ve had. I still want to maintain soberity and work on myself. I don’t have the desire to drink everday and continue the pattern. I’m not going to beat myself up over it and take this as an opportunity to learn and grow from it. I’m still scared about my future and drinking and relaize I have to start figuring out how to be around alcohol and not give in.
Sorry things got south on you. Sounds like the AV sold you on what might happen. You bought it instead of what really was happening. AV does this to all of us. As you said you now have learned a lesson. You will be stronger the next time this occurs. Get yourself together and start your next run at this.
Many of us have a tendency of doing that. We get so caught up in the future, we let it ruin or now. Booze brain will take advantage of this situation and use it to trick you. You have to stay positive and live in the present. Your #1 enemy will be your emotions.