I had sober sex (tw)

It’s been 2 days but I managed to have some sober sex which I was afraid wasn’t possible. But my stuff still works. So I can’t use that as an excuse anymore.

14 Likes

This is great!!! I have struggled with intimacy right the way through my sobriety. I’m married and I love my husband loads but since getting sober I’ve had to work through some things that have happened to me when I was younger and as a teenager and this has caused our sex life to stop! I sometimes feel that it’s been that long will ‘things’ still work?! I’m glad you posted this because you have given me hope. Thank you :pray:t2::two_hearts:

9 Likes

I guess it’s like riding a bike? Lol I seriously thought no way would things work.

1 Like

Sex is something that was perverted a long time ago - for a guy it’s all about the release, the chase, wondering if we still have it. Do you still close your eyes when you have sex? It’s gonna take awhile - although there’s still long showers - being a man, sex is very visual - I’m working on (day 8) going to bed clean - and hoping that my sobriety rubs off on her so we can continue what we once had - instead of these 3,4,5,6 months apart - I am more freaky - just taking time to heal and continue my sobriety and continue with those long showers - maybe she’ll join me some day.

3 Likes

Fake it till you make it. That’s my advice. Intimacy is the glue and spakle that seals the cracks in the marriage vessel.

4 Likes

It stopped being about that a long time ago, for me. Now it’s reassuring, comforting, bonding. I don’t know if it’s age, or maturity, but that’s just the way it is for this married guy. And just for the record, my wife says I still got it. The trouble is, these days I forget where I left it.

17 Likes

That’s never ideal. Never chase.

2 Likes

:joy: you’re funny

1 Like

My wife won’t trust me enough to be intimate with me since we got sober. It’s been about 6 months since we’ve been together that way. We’re both on step 9 and her resentments have only got worse. I feel that her fear is going to cause this to go on unless she can finally trust me. But I don’t see that happening. And I need to be close to her again. It’s killing me

We need it back in our marriage or it will fail

Intimacy has many forms. Sex is the form that entails the most risk for women, and therefore requires the most trust. Will she talk while you actively listen to her, without opinions or judgment about what she’s thinking and saying? Will she hold hands? Will she take a quiet walk or sit with her head on your shoulder. Will she accept non-sexual hugs? These are ways to share Intimacy, and build physical and emotional trust, and if done consistently and genuinely can eventually lead to the ultimate expression of Intimacy.

17 Likes

@Yoda-Stevie

I swear my life would have been way different if you were my couples therapist.

Your probably cheaper too

4 Likes

Wow. Could u talk to my husband?

8 Likes

Please write a book.

Sincerely, all of humanity.

11 Likes

“Memoirs from the Mountaintop”, by Yoda-Stevie

Coming to a bookstore near you.

8 Likes

I was thinking,

How to survive life,true facts and experience from a not so grumpy old marine

3 Likes

@TMAC LOL, Prosaic and catchy :grin: :+1:
@Fury Very informative, haha :smiley:

@Yoda-Stevie:

Me neither. I heard it’s sort of a sea creature, LOL.

6 Likes

Good for you mate.

I don’t remember what a sex is.

6 Likes

I think it’s already written many times over, here. I can think of no better place for it. Rather than being published, read, and relegated to a dusty bookshelf or a used bookstore, I get to write new chapters whenever the need suits me, to new people who share my desire to get better at getting better.

4 Likes

I had one once but the wheels fell off.

2 Likes