Is it possible that you haven’t accepted that sobriety is a journey and not a destination?
We spend our lives achieving goals. Finishing a work, school or home project, loosing weight, etc. So we can develop an its done attitude.
The issue with (in my case drinking) is it will never be done. There is no amount of time that passes that will make me a normal drinker. I am on this journey every day forever.
You were sober 90 days. That’s a great beginning. Get back on track and return to rest of your sober life.
Hugs
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Thank you everybody for advice & encouragement! I got a good nights sleep and a small nap this morning, so feeling much better.
@JennyH I’m more of a cup of tea person myself. Tough love doesn’t work in all cases; sometimes it pushes you away farther. That’s why I broke up with my first sponsor.
@Mallory You may be right about the journey. I frequently feel like I’m in control after a few months sober.
@JasonFisher You make a great point, but I’ve had a lot of humiliation and it’s not helping. 
Anyway, I contacted my bank for a small personal loan so I can do laundry and whatever else comes up before I have an income again. It was approved and wouldn’t you know, first thought is booze. So I’m going to be spending a lot of time here.
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Aaah, well I am here, currently drinking tea in fact. I am watching West Ham lose at football so all is right with the world (I am not a totally nice person 
)
Take good care of yourself, stick around here to get you through this part. Then maybe look at ways to change what happened this time. Right now though, just be kind to yourself and recover from this.
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I’m p sure Dryln785 was being sarcastic in their choice to “have” to start drinking. Their load of sarcasm about allergies to success and stabilty was the indication. Humor is important when you screw up, it lightens the load. So you made the mistake, dust off and get back on the horse.
I relapsed at my own Christmas brunch and made an ass out of myself by the end of it which is why I’m now 127 AF. Looking stupid, feeling stupid, and being stupid on booze is a good deterant if you have the abitlity to reflect. Reflect away my friend!!
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Staying connected is a good start.
Once you fall down the rabbit hole of relapse it’s easy to justify drinking because you already feel humiliated. You need to turn the humiliation into being humble.
If you spend your living money on beer that’s going to bring humiliation. If you spend your money on living until you you start getting steady checks. That feeds being humble.
Being a drunk with smelly dirty clothes and no food will be pretty humiliating.
It would be arrogant of me to think I could drink like a gentleman again. I’m humble enough to know I can’t.
I’m rooting for ya! I hate to see you make yourself suffer.
I have some experience with the issue that triggered you. Message me if you want to talk about it.
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Message me before you decide to drink, of you do decide to. I can’t help if your drinking. Nobody can.
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Quite so. Much of the subtleties of communication are lost without body language, which makes meaning harder to convey over the internet. I can be quite the sarcastic one, especially when skewering myself.
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I feel you on that. I kicked the crap out of myself when I had like 6 or so months once and i ruined it all for nothing. I can’t even keep track of my timeline any more when it comes to when i actually fell back in. I messed up this Monday after working 8 days in a row. Going to try again. I stared at this page and tried to tell myself to post on here and talk first before giving in. But, i just logged out and did the deed. Here is for round whatever number and never giving up. You can do it.
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