I have no willpower anymore

I was clean for over a year and the past two weekends I’ve relapsed. My brother committed suicide this month 3 years ago. This time of year i have a really hard time. I have to throw my stuff away but I just don’t have the willpower. I’m alone in this I don’t have any sober friends where I live so it’s very lonely… I just need some encouragement and support.


My brother died several years sago off an overdose. The last time I met him, we fought. I did not get to say goodbye. I did not get to attend his funeral. It hurt a lot. It still hurts a lot. The pain never goes away. But in time, I have learnt to live with it. What you are going thought is natural. Accept the pain. It will always be with you. But you need to get clean again. For yourself and for the memory of your brother. One day at a time. If that seems too much, try one hour at a time. As far as encouragement and support, you are in the right place. This is a wonderful community with some very supportive and friendly people. Just reach out, express yourself and you will find the help you are looking for. Hang in there. We are with you.

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You had the willpower to come and post this instead of going for a drink. The seed is there. If you keep watering it and protecting it, it can grow. It can be really hard to do it alone. I’ve been supported lots by the people here, as well as in AA. Trying a few meetings was well worth braving my anxiety for. Walking the recovery path with others on the same path helps so much.


My brother passed away of an overdose as well. Hence, I believe is what led to my own substance abuse. I pretty much was on a roller coaster for 2 years, taking anything to make me feel better. It worked for a while, but then it went to shit real fast. Our finances were horrible, I couldn’t sleep, and I basically couldn’t function unless I had a while shit ton of pills.

I checked myself into detox. It was either that or I was going to have a nervous breakdown.

I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. And, yes the pain will be with you for the rest of your life. But, I SWEAR as time goes by it gets a little more manageable.

If you need to cry, cry as much as you want. Talking with people helps a lot. For me, I have convinced myself I am reserving all of those feelings about my brother for the anniversary of his death, and let it all out. It still catches me sometimes if I hear a song or something, but it’s getting a lot better.

I hope this helps you even if just a tiny bit. I am very sorry for your loss. No one truly understands the loss of a loved one until they go through it.

Maybe try a meeting plenty of guys there who have been were you have and youl get sober friends wish you well

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Love and prayers from Spain. Willpower helped me not so much. Love yes, loving people. Here you will find loving and awesome people and close to you I am sure you will find too.Please don’t give up. You are precious never forget it

I’m more or less alone in a city of millions. Lots of acquaintances but very far from real friends. Still I’ve had to learn to become my own friend. Harder than it sounds. But worth it.

Oh I know so well how lonelyness feels.
Its a trap, a vortex that sucks you in and never lets you out. Therefore I cant give you ultimate advice how to escape from it, cause if I knew, id immediately do so. But at least I know that it is possible and thats the first step I guess. Dont let lonelyness make you think low of yourself. There is surely someone who loves and supports you.
if not you might just haven’t met him/her yet. :wink: