I havent been honest, at all. I am hoping that actually saying it, all of it, actually admitting to myself will help me to accept it. I am an alcoholic, this I have admitted. For the last couple years I have struggled to believe or admit that I am also an opioid addict. For many years I worked in a gentlemans club and would use alcohol and pills as a way to cope. All had been prescribed to me so I used that as my excuse to take them. I married an addict and that, in the end, appeared to be the only thing we had left in common. I started doing them with him when we started dating, it was the way we bonded. I want to say I didnt have a problem with them when we first started dating, but I know that taking them just to take them is a problem in itself. This post is kind of all over the place, I’m scatter brained and just trying to get it out as it comes to me. Now that my marriage has collapsed, I want to work on myself, better myself. My marriage was an abusive toxic, ticking time bomb that revolved around getting high and drinking. I tried to stop so many times, but it only made us distant because those drugs were our relationship. Now that it is over Im trying to get away from the last quite a few years of my life. I’ve moved away, walked away from everything and everyone. Clean slate. Start over.
This post was more for me than anything… I just had to get it out there. Thanks for letting me share.
Good for you for recognizing the need for change and coming here. Lots of great info to read up on and hopefully find helpful in your journey to wholeness. 
Have you ever looked at a map, to figure out how to get where you want to go? One of the first things you need to do, if figure out where you are. Only then can you decide how to get to your destination.
You have an honest assessment of your current location. Have you decided where/who you want to be in 6 months, a year, 5 years? With these bits of information, you can chart a route from your current location to your objective.
Even better, there are lots of folks here who are a bit further along on their journeys, and can help guide you along the way.
Welcome. I am glad you are here.
Your honesty is critical in your recovery. Thanks for sharing and being here.