Goodmirning everyone my name is josh and last night just few hours i made the desison to get clean off meth (hopefully for good this time)and came across this app and the support people show each is incredible so i decided to share and hopefully get advice…so here it goes…so just a few hours ago i got back to my house after getting my fix and i idk why now but i glanced in the mirror and just broke down because the person i saw i in the mirrior wasnt me i didn’t recognize myself one bit and i just lost it i broke down in tears and just wanted to end it all, i went to the middle of the orchard and debated it for quite a long time “feels like rock bottom” my addition made me push evreyone away that ever cared about i used for 6 years on and off but the last 2 1/2 years it took my life over because I got really deppresed because me and my kids mom separatated “she didnt know i was using” but we sepeated because i got home from work early and found her and another guy (who i thought was my freind) with my 2 kids sleeping in the living room and she was speachlees didn’t know what to say to me i stood in the door way for a good 5mins debating whag to do i was just staring at both of them i told him tk get the fuck up and out of my house and i walked outside and waited for him to come outside and he tried to apologize to me and i blacked out and litterly beat the hell out him to the point where i thought i he wasnt gonna make it and my girlfreind is trying tk pull me off him and i didn’t know the neighbors called the cops already and when i saw those lights turn down the road i snapped back to reality walked aeay from him and laied down with my hands behind my back i realised what i was doing and was judt gonna take the punishment which was only 2weeks in county till i was able to see a judge an he went to testify and told the judge he wasnt gonna press charges and just wanted the case dropped so i somehow was released and went back to mh house to find everything gone and her and kids stuff was gone and it made me really depressed and that’s were the drugs took over my life and i blamed her for so long but then i realized its no one elses fault but my own and had to acept that i tried getting clean i solf evreything i owned and moved 1600 miles away to get clean and it worked for 2months then ended up giving in on my 21first birthday and got hooked on it worse than ever before i ended up overdosing oj mothers day of this year but was found and took to the er which saved my life and i thought right then i was done with it but it wasnt that easy 2days after i was released the first thing i did was go get high and havent had more than 4hours max without it since but I now i think i can make it i hope i can…i miss my kids and my family i thought about rehab but i know the only way i can do this is by myself im coming down for the last time and hating myself evreysecond for even touching it in the first place im 22 and have nothing going for me at this point but to get sober its gonna be a very hard recovery part of my emotions are coming back are they are hard to handle because i pushed them away for so long…
THANKYOU everyone who reads this and letting me get some things off my chest this defintly wont be my only post
@Josh.r I’m glad you are here and told your story you not going to regret sharing it. But you can vent on here and so much support on here I’m on my 9the day been very hard I’ve keep starting over every time but if you don’t give up it will work. Be Strong and it’s not a bad thing to do rehab for help some people or some addictions need medical help so you know I still think a good detox would help me but I work some much you think it keeps me clean but it didn’t no time for ourselfs is bad for our health. Sorry I hope to see you one here and every day is a better one
Thankyou @Tanyarae ima try my absolute best and i definitely understand the work thing concidering i work outdoors and mostly alone at a small ranch i can preeth much do anything i want while i work and thats the hard part
You don’t have to do it alone. Even people on here want to help. Some who are going throguh similar things, and some that have made it. Don’t knock yourself down, you are good person for understanding that you need to change. That is a big step and be proud of yourself. There is small book that helped me Called the 4 agreements. I recommend it. But don’t beat yourself down for what has happened, but build yourself up for what is coming. Just know it is the person you bring to the table now that matters, not the guy from the past. It’s in the past. Gone and done
Welcome @Josh.r. Thanks for sharing.
It sounds like you might have hit rock bottom, which is a good thing! That’s the real turning point.
Are there any rehabs or clinics in your area that you could possibly go to?