So, I’ve be sober from alcohol for 76 days, which is amazing for me. I’m a terrible binge drinker. As most binge drinkers, I drank too almost dead. Blackouts, driving drank. Putting lives at danger, because I never had enough alcohol and would keep going back to the store for more. So ashamed, but thankfully never a car accident or DUI. Not sure how I got so lucky.
Anyway, I replaced alcohol with medical marijuana. Last night I, while high, I started feeling really ashamed, as if I was living a lie. I’m not drinking and driving, or any of the other horrendous things I was doing while drunk. But, I do reach for marijuana when cravings for alcohol hit.
It’s legal in my state. I don’t and can’t drive high. I’m fearless while drunk, and don’t think about the well-being of anyone else while drunk. But, I do take those things into consideration while high.
I’m ashamed that I have to have something to self medicate with, I guess.
Has anyone else replaced alcohol with medical marijuana? Am I a hypocrite? It seems to be a better option, but is that just a justification on my part? I know how alcohol and addictive personalities like to justify their actions.
I told myself last night to overcome the alcohol and maybe down the road I can work on the marijuana.
Thoughts?