I just need a place to speak

Emotional Support
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Hi there…

My name is Ana. I’m 28 years old and am an emotional mess. I just need to pour out my emotions somewhere. You can answer to them or not, but I just need a place where I can speak out on a daily basis. And that’s what I’ll do. Just to feel lighter.

I’ve started drinking again this Saturday after 120 and something days of sobriety. It opened a lot of emotions and I just need to deal with them. I reseted my countdown again and I’m starting over but I need to clear my emotions too.

While I was drinking this Saturday I started a rant about everything, in front of a lot of people. Things that you’re allowed to have an opinion about but shouldn’t speak it out in public because you’ll just look desperate, jelous, stupid. But everything as a result of my personal failures and frustrations coming out on the surface. I don’t even know where to start so I’ll stop here and continue tomorrow when I’ve cleared my mind a bit.

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Been there, done that. I know it doesnt feel good. I’ve definitely learned with my sobriety that I can absolutely NOT keep my feelings inside and bottle them up.

It’s great that you’ve decided to check in here and talk about!

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Hi and welcome

My name is Niko, 28 too. I got similar thread where I speak whatever I think or feel. Opening here is great way to vent out and community is really supportive and positive (Warning, it’s infectious). I feel in a week or so here I’ve gotten more motivation to stay clean than I’ve had in a year. We are happy to see you here :smile:

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Welcome!! Vent away!! I understand the relapsing after having some time under our belts. It sucks, but it’s for the best to be sober. Dont beat yourself up too much. Those first few days are the worst, but just stay strong!! I know venting here is so much easier than turning to family and friends who have heard it so many times. And I agree with @Enzo, my motivation to love a sober life def comes from this app!!

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Feel free to tell all here. Guarenteed you will not feel guilty when you wake up in morning and we won’t judge you.

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Hey how are you?

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Hey guys, thanks for your support. I’m doing well. Just needed a day or two to sort things in my head and to decide how to sort my emotions here.
I think I should first start with my drinking…so here it goes.

I come from a country and culture where drinking comes really natrual to everybody, and from a very young age. I live in so called vine country, and I had my first blackout when I was 13 years old. I had my first drink waaay earlier. When I started what would be equivalent to high school it was normal to go out every weekend and to drink. I must say, I’m a social drinker and a weekend drinker. I don’t feel the urge to drink every day, or even to pair my meals with alcohol. But, I have friends who do that. Some of them are proud to say that they don’t even drink water. I repeat, it’s that kind of culture and upbringing. And I’m talking about girls. I am also smaller and rather petite so I can’t really handle the same amounts of alcohol as my girlfriends. This is in no way me trying to find an excuse for my behaviour.

I have this problem where I can’t have an empty glass…juice, water, alcohol…if it’s empty I have to refill. And problem two is that I can’t drink slow. I’m not the person that can’t have one drink per hour. Ok, can’t is a strong word…when I think about it, I haven’t really tried to drink one drink per hour, but by now I know that I reflexingly just drink until my glass is empty. So instead of one glass of wine per hour I’ll have 5. Which was sort of ok til’ I was 20 and went out every weekend, I had a sort of drinking stamina. Now (for the past 6,7 years), I go out once every couple of months and it hits me hard. REAL HARD.

Since I started drinking (15 years ago :see_no_evil:) because of my not knowing how to drink moderately I had more weekends where things went wrong than good ones. I couldn’t remember what happened, constant headaches, bruises and bumps, I would get into embarassing situations not only for me but for my boyfriend and friends and also family. I’ve lost money, phones, bags, even panties. But mostly, I’ve lost respect and self respect. The self respect part is the worst because I never really was a self confident person. I even believed as I was younger that alcohol was my solution to being interesting because I believed that I couldn’t bring anything else to the table when having a conversation. I was quiet and timid and had a hard time talking to people and alcohol was my go to solution. And even though after a drink or two it did help, after a while it brought utter caos. I ruined parties and gatherings I can’t even remember how many. And even though shit has calmed down for the past 2,3 years (physically less damage), I am now in a situation where a drunk night out where I go on a drunk rant can harm me more than physical harm. I can lose my job, reputation, friends, boyfriend. There is a lot of emotional stuff in my head which when I get drunk and start talking can harm me in ways I can’t describe. But I’ll talk about that next time. I’m going one issue at a time.

My surroundings have been supportive for years, but with all things in life…you can’t expect support over and over again. People are gonna get fed up. There were times and still are when all of these people got batshit drunk and crazy and did unimaginable things just as I did, but I’ve done them twice as much. So I understand when people tell me that I have to slow down. But I don’t thing going slow is a thing for me. I have to stop. And I want to free myself of these restrains as soon as possible. I can’t control myself so it’s better to stop completely.

I am writing here because I know that my emotional issues are the reasons for my alcohol failures and I am hoping that by sharing everything here somebody will be able to help me, and that my story helps somebody else too.

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I’m in a similar situation, I’m an introvert last few years I’ve lost my confidence, ended a serious relationship with a guy I loved was allready drinking heavily with him spiralled out of control when I ended up alone.

Now have a new boyfriend have curbed drinking most days but I have still been binge drinking to black out drunk saying and doing really stupid shit feeling terrible the next day usually for 2 days. Been close to losing my job several times the amount of times I have gone in hungover/ taken random leave has really not helped my performance. Depression and anxiety have got worse I’ve gained weight from all the booze and lack of exercise and I don’t feel like myself. Message me anytime you want or check in here and let us know how you are doing. I’m currently on day 5 and started walking to have at least one positive and de stressing thing to focus on :slight_smile:

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I’ve gained weight too. Not because of drinkig but because of the notion ‘well, my life is shit so why bother’. Instead I should be at least fixing my body. One good thing would just roll other things into motion. But I’m just in a negative place in my mind right now. Just looking for excuses. That’s not a way to live.

Good for you and I’m so glad you’re making a positive step forward each day.

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Very nice to meet you all! I’m Taylor and I am the absolute BEST at making up excuses. I’m struggling, having just relapsed myself and currently on Day 3. Just moved states, almost two months now. I have high hopes for this place so far all I’ve read is such relatable people. And the honesty! I can’t really do that all the time right now, now about drinking that is.

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It’s just sad how many of us can relate to shitty situations which means we’ve all been there. But at the same time some examples can stilk teach us where we don’t want to end up if we continue with our behaviour. So just keep pushin and holding on!!

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