I just need to vent...😔

Hey everyone! So the last few days have been kind of stressful and hectic. I just really felt the need to get what was bothering me out of my head. My one sister lost her job and she came over to where I’m currently living, with my other sister and my brother in law. They all were drinking wine and beer and I was just kind of…there in the background. Nothing happened. I just felt really awkward. I’m probably moving out soon (as in mid January). I’m 7 days sober and I’m moving across the country for a much better job.
I’ve asked a bunch of people their opinions about me moving and everything is very mixed. Some say its a great idea. Some think its a terrible idea. But I definitely want the independence. They have AA meetings where I’m moving. The job pays 5 dollars more. Rent is cheap compared to New Jersey. BUT its in Washington state…
Any thoughts guys??? I wouldn’t mind some additional feedback!! :slight_smile: :honeybee::honeybee::honeybee:

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I think it’s a great opportunity. You can have a fresh start, you’ll have a better job, and you can focus on being a healthier, happier, sober version of you!! So great that there’s meetings there too :blush:

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That should read “AND it’s in Washington State!” I live near Seattle so I’m a little biased. :joy:

You can weigh the pros and cons all day, but at the end of the day, it comes down to what is best for you and your future. Is it better to stay where you are because people want you to stay for the sake of staying, or is it better in the long run to go for the better future?

My family and I are in a similar situation. My wife may get a job that would require us to relocate. My sister’s don’t want me to go, but it’s a better opportunity for us, so if it comes to it, we will leave.

BTW, there is no income tax in Washington, so that is even more $$$

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The most important part is, how are you feeling with this? Meanwhile I follow my instinct. If it feels good it is good, if it feels bad: get outta there. Others are not you so they can’t give you any good advice I think.

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The job of president is really just a temp, thank god.

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I’ve basically been relapsing ever since I got back home. Everything about New jersey seems to be a trigger. I went back to my old job (I use to drink in my car on my breaks :worried:). My father is a HUGE trigger for me, I started drinking when I was taking care of him before. He’s handicapped but also has a nasty temper. My mother is sick and going to be put into a nursing home soon because she’s proving to be a danger to herself. She has Alzheimers. They have people to look out for them.
Everyone knows that this has been one long big trigger for me. My family isn’t even surprised that I’ve been struggling. I’ve been open with them about it. They want me to go and get better. Go to AA, see a therapist and restart my life. I want to too. I think its just the past holding me back. But I want to move forward.

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None of us could truly know all the factors to determine if it is a good decision for you but there is one thing I would seriously consider.

If for some reason you decided the move wasnt working. Would it be easy to move back?

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Good question: yes and no. I would have a way back certainly. 3 siblings that have offered to help me move out there. And a car. So yeah.
But its 3000 miles away what if something went wrong??? I want to move. I don’t like it here. Its far too crowded. But…I’m just insure I’ve moved before. I’m not afraid. More anxious to do it…

Moving to Washington ought to be the most exciting thing in your life right now!

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Yes, I think i remember you saying you moved to the Grand Canyon last time?

I think if you have the support it you should probably give it a shot.

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I’m with @anon2074485, how do YOU feel about the move? I can totally understand wanting to get away and that feeling of being all alone in a house full of people so I’m sorry you have to go through that. But one thing I want to say is no matter where you go, you take yourself with you. You’re doing great by getting back up your days and if you think this is a good thing, do it! Just please don’t think it’s going to be a miracle fix for what’s not working because that shift really comes from the inside. I’ve been using my shitty living situation as a way to grow in the biggest way possible through the adversity, everything has to start and shift within me inside though. Good luck girl! :two_hearts:

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Is this your answer? Whenever I’m struggling, I try to quiet my mind and meditate untill an answer presents itself to me through my higher power, which includes a part of my own internal intuition. I trust my intuition as though it is the universe speaking to me. BUT that doesn’t always remove the anxiety. Any change is hard and stressful, even if it feels right.

So I look inside myself, recognise a part of me is worried about the unknown, thank that part of myself for looking out for me, and give myself comfort, reassurance and compassion. That’s my little ‘internal family systems therapy’ routine and it helps to quiet the noise.

The right answers will present themselves to you, and maybe they already have… :two_hearts::two_hearts:

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Change is good. Not always easy but I’m a believer in shaking things up now and then. I think it’s healthy.

One of the reasons I was able to stop drinking and keep it that way is because I changed jobs. At the new job, I didn’t know the drinkers and so they weren’t there to serve as an undertow pulling me back under.

I had made a half assed attempt to stop drinking while at my old job but I didn’t make it past two or so weeks because my old friends and colleagues couldn’t understand why I wasn’t drinking and kept pressuring me to drink with them. At the time I was so new and uncertain about being sober and what I wanted that I quickly capitulated and went back to what was easy and comfortable.

At the new job, I stayed out of the party groove and was allowed to do that because I was unknown. I didn’t go out to the bars with them and they didn’t care.

I was able to start new habits and cut out “reliable drunkard” from my work reputation.

In a new state and city and job, you get a chance for a new start. It’s always hard to make a new start but it’s also really exciting and a great opportunity to grow.

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That is so true, you still have to work on yourself and commit to your sobriety. That said, you are not moving to another country, you speak the language, you know the sytem. What is the worst that can happen? In case your plan B? I personally would not even think twice, especially when you secured a job and your family is supporting you with this move. Live. See places. Have experiences, that is all life is about. My two cents.

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Dude, that should go to the Amazing Facts thread. Unreal.

I always wanted to live in Seattle. Maybe one day…

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I will move, change it is good when we are very tempted or stuck. I will move if I will have the opportunity and having AA near you in the new spot, I will definitely move. :pray:t6::pray:t6::pray:t6::pray:t6::pray:t6::orange_heart::heart:️:green_heart::dog:

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Washington here we go!

If you don’t move to Washington, you should at least move out of the house.

The constant trigger your facing each day is counterproductive to your recovery.

And you’ll still find a support system through us because you can use the app wherever you go. :blush:

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No matter where I go, there I am.

Any problem you have in NJ will be waiting for you in Washington. Our problems are of our own making, bc we allow them to be problems. A new job will not get you sober. A geographic switch will not get you sober. Escaping family will not get you sober. I’ve done all those things. They did not keep me sober.

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As derek said even users and drinkers are a part of americas work force and society. Its everywhere we look. Some know they have a problem and some think its just life to live with that everyday drink. you need to make time for yourself to detox b4 going. You dont want to do this on your own with your mental health suffering. After detox then go out to accomplish life and goals. We need to build a foundation. Just like a house the more sturdy the foundation and reinforcements in it make for you to build higher… Maybe some food for thought…goodluck to you!

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I do plan on working a program and work on myself. That’s why I checked out if there were meetings there ahead of time. I feel like all I’ve been doing is just regressing, so I want to make a change but make a real change. I will have support out there I have a group of friends that got me the job so I won’t be alone. It will be a great opportunity!! I guess just like when I moved to Arizona from Jersey, I’m getting cold feet.

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