I keep F#$&in up

Since my last relapse about a week ago I cant stop. I feel like a worthless piece of shit and a disgusting human. I should be there for the ones I love but alchol comes first again and again.
A friend that I love dearly texted me back after a fucked situation and Im To drunk to even be there. I’ve yet to tell her I relapsed. But Im Sure it will be the last straw. It breaks my fucking heart
I would do anything for her literally I would sell my soul for her to be in a solid place but I cant stop. I know i have to do it for myself but i cant even do that. My dad is dieing of alcoholism and yet I still find myself at the bar stool. When is enough enough if not now ?
Where is my rock bottom?

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Detox, followed by a rehab and then straight into 12 steep meetings. That’s a solid plan.

Rock bottom is where ever you choose it to be. It’s a question of what are you willing to do to get sober.
The answer needs to be: what ever it takes.

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Might sound harsh but put yourself first for a while then you’ll be in a position to help others. Also as a wise man once told me ‘Try a meeting’.

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Im with @Mephistopheles on detox. If you would do anything for her and you are going to put yourself first, check yourself in to treatment. For some that is the only way to completely abstain in the beginning.

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Meetings make it easier maybe try one wish you well

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Well Since you are willing to do anything, here’s what worked for me.

Inpatient rehab, AA every day for at least 6 months, Outpatient rehab, one on one counseling, psychiatrist/mental health meds, NA, moving into sober living, vivitrol, working the 12 steps

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Thank you all so much for your words and support.
I just hit my first meeting today after my relapse.
And going to start reading the big book with my roommate.
If I drink again I’m going to check myself into treatment. For my first morning sober I’m feeling pretty good.

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When you start wanting to drink, open up the BB chapter 3 and chapter 5 always seem to help me when i need to remind myself that I cant drink. Good job getting to a meeting keep it up, they help.

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This forum helped me stop in the middle of a relapse. It was the last time I relapsed. I like to call it my final relapse. I stayed connected to the forum. Since then I’ve allowed myself to reconnect to AA.

I quit going to bars, I quit hanging out with friends that drink. I started making a lot of changes in my lifestyle. I started spending my beer money on healthy hobbies that help me appreciate recovery.

I spend my drinking time doing those hobbies.

I kept hitting that brick wall harder until I became willing to go to any lengths for my recovery.

You hit bottom when you put the shovel down.

Stay connected! You can do this! Glad your here!

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I put my shoes under my bed so every morning I had to get on my knees and pray that I wouldn’t take a drink. Eventually I didn’t have to put my shoes under there. I got away from things that made me want to drink. I’ve had ankle monitors, Antabuse, and daily po meetings, those didn’t keep me from drinking. Truth is I had to get tired of being sick and tired. I had to keep it simple. I had to let go and let God. I quickly found if I never drank the first drop I wouldn’t get drunk. If I can do it anyone can, as long as you put in the work. I’d recommend going to aa, celebrate recovery, or any of the other 12 step meetings. I didn’t find soberity alone. I had people just like me tell me it was possible to not take a drink. I just had to take it one day at a time. I don’t even crave alcohol. 9 years ago I thought I couldn’t live without it. I know that in one drink I’d be right back where I was 9 year and 3 months ago.

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Hey Brandon! Really appreciated your post, and congrats on 9 sober years!

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