Narcissistic boyfriend of years . . Love him so much but this is so so so toxic . I have forgotten who I am. Facing some scary problems and I don’t want to let go quite yet because I feel like I NEED HIm, and he’s let me know that I need him over yeah and over: I know I should really leave and focus on trying to out myself back together . But how do you do that??? Ugh. My heart aches. I love him. But I’m not dumb. I’ve been
through his phone. … and sex is nonexistent
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Get out. I stayed with my guy (who sounds very similar to yours) for almost 9 years. It’s terrifying and painful to leave, but two years later, I’ve dated a couple guys and I don’t miss him at all. I wanted to avoid the pain and all that, but you know in your gut this isn’t going to work. I wish I’d left sooner. You deserve better, just like I did.
There’s a Facebook group I used to visit…I think it’s called Narcissistic Support or similar, and that was such a great group of people to talk to and help you go through the rollercoaster of emotions.
Good luck 
When your gut feeling says leave put your energy into leaving. Toxic relationships are not healthy. Educate yourself, read literature on the issue (leaving toxic relationship, loving a narcicist, positive psychology …), talk about the problems, write them down, work on helping yourself and let go, find a therapist to help you change your situation. If you think this sounds a lot for preparing to leave a toxic relationship: It’s not. It’s about putting yourself first and into focus that you are able to change the situation.
I feel with you, parts of your story sound very similar to my own.
There’s a thread you might want to check out, a lot of good and helpful sharings there. We use it for several kinds of relationship problems, don’t hesitate to join in regardless if your partner has addiction problems. Are you affected by a loved one who’s an addict?
I’ve been there also. "It’s you and me baby, you and me against the world’. He made me feel like we were almost invincible while also somehow breaking me down into tiny pieces at the same time.
Took many times before I finally left for good and it was hard. Hardest thing I think I’ve ever done, felt like I was breaking my own heart… and healing took time, alot of time. Surrounding myself with new people who only wanted the best for me helped and slowly I began to realise I was so much better and stronger on my own.
I read alot about narcissistic behaviour, dv and learning to let go. That helped me ALOT.
If you do not leave him all of this misery will continue. That choice is up to you though…
Run away. Get out. You deserve more better partner then this. 
I totally get what ur saying about feeling like you need him, but its sooo important to remember that abuse distorts our thinking drastically. It was extremely difficult also for me to leave my ex abuser. I honestly needed help in doing so. For me anyway, i used to attend one on one domestic violence counselling (without him knowing of course) which helped me to sort thru the distortions and make a safety plan for my escape. My abuser was also physically abusive so this safety plan was crucial. Idk if ur partner is like that but when u decide to leave, make sure that u have a plan in place. Through counselling, I learned alot about trauma bonding and codependency etc it helped me to understand alot of what i was going thru.
When it came to feeling like i needed him, i had to look at what exactly it was that i “thought” I got from him and that relationship. And then I had to start giving myself those things instead of feeling like i had to get that from him. For example: one reason i stayed with my ex for so long was bcuz he protected me from others (real lie there… again distorted thinking). I realized that I can give myself that and protect myself by leaving him and his abuse. I can protect myself from others by following such n such ways.
I stayed with him because i held onto the idea of what i wanted the relationship to be. I was honestly living in a fantasty world, imagining the what ifs of what he could be like if he wasnt abusive. What our relationship could look like. I really had to step back and see the abuse for what it really was. And again counselling helped me with that.
I really hope that you are able to get the support u need in order to leave. Youre life can look much different without having a toxic relationship in it. Sending you healing and strength today 
Narcissists are incapable of love until they are healed. If you are looking for love don’t look for it in him. Love is greater than feelings. You deserve Love not manipulation
Find yourself.
Need yourself
It’s good to feel needed
Wanted
Is not good to feel trapped
I’ve met so many people who are trapped
It’s not until the toxin is removed that we become sober
Whatever that toxin is,
remove it don’t
get a new toxin
Calling @Hangingbyathread to check in to the discussion. How are you doing? Don’t feel forced, we are here for you and want to support whatever is going on.