Today I’m 15 months clean. I’ve been reading a lot of the posts but I haven’t checked in or posted myself in what feels like forever. But I felt the need to write today, because of something that happened a few days ago. I was visiting my mum and she talked about how her husband is dealing with really bad pain in his back and knee. She then mentioned how he’s been prescribed strong pain killers and continued talking about something else. It felt like my whole body froze. Once they were asleep, I started searching like crazy. Every cabinet and drawer. For anything, tramadol or oxycontin. And found nothing. No pills for me to steal. It took a moment or two, but I finally realized what I was doing. Or what I had been willing to do if I’d found something. It’s been 458 days and still, I was 100% prepared to relapse. It’s been a couple of days since then and at first I felt awful, now I feel determined. It’s not easy just because I’m 458 days into recovery. It’s been a bad few months and I’ve been craving more than usual. I think about using daily. And so I’ve decided to go back to NA. I never had a sponsor or worked the program and am not sure how it works or whether it’s too late for me to start, but I need to start with something, so I’m writing this and I’ll go to the next meeting in my town. I’m proud to say I’m still clean. 15 months 
But I need some help moving forward. I just needed to write this and put it into the universe, so thank you for allowing me to share. This app is truly helpful.
Well done. Inspirational man
It’s never too late to start a recovery program. I’m so glad you didn’t slip, and so glad you’re going to put more work into your sobriety. That was a scary wake up call. Glad you reached out, and thank you for your honesty. It will help a lot of people here.
Thanks for the honesty.
Keep telling this story.
I’m happy you made it thru that too. And glad you’re wanting to start a program. I believe that the world would be a better place if every human went thru the 12 steps, alcoholic/addict or not. So you’re not too late. A lot of people do it multiple times. Good on you for putting yourself out here like this. Another way to keep yourself accountable. Keep up the good work 
Thank you guys! Sharing your honest thoughts and struggles in an accepting environment is truly powerful. I’m relieved to hear it’s not too late for me to start the program, I’m attending a meeting tomorrow afternoon and will hopefully find some guidance there!
stay strong, there will be help and you will make it through. stay tuned: one day at a time, one hour, even one moment. take a deep breath. you can do it 
I’m so proud of you, that’s how we listen to our spirit when it talks to us. Hey your still clean does it get any better than that whoooooooo. Way to go champ