I’m 50 - Can I do this - or forever keep this a secret

I’ve been in some sort addiction most of my life. Married with Children and still living in secret. Got high a week ago and beer drinker on weekends. I’m tired but believe in God - Just feel that forgiveness is running out . I’m starting today - I’m not sure but sobriety is hard - even today the urge to smoke or drink -

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Welcome Rick! You can do this! Stick around and read a lot here - share when you are ready. You’ll make some great friends in this group. We’ve all been where you are.

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First, you are here now, so let’s not discredit that you took the first, allbeit hardest, first step. Congrats on that. Charlie is right. You’ll meet some fine folks here, but I strongly encourage you to read as well. You’ll find at least one of us that has something relatable to what you are experiencing. We are all here.

Now dealing with your question more direct, should you keep this a secret? That answer is personal to you. Everyone is different. What I will offer is that I lived in secret for a long long time, the relief I felt when I came clean was the most refreshing feeling I have ever had.

You might even find that people are a lot less judgemental and a lot more understanding than you anticipated.

Jesi.

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Thanks - So much Fear - So much pain - but I’ll try til end of day. So much to live for as well -

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Ty - it’s a relief just to know “someone” is listening - i can accept that I have a problem - but never did I think that I would be addicted to meth - I thought I had it under control - to live two lives is embarrassing- I’m ashamed and mad - but the bad feelings disappear by taking one hit. It’s a crazy cycle that I just want to stop. Before I die, get caught and lose everything, …

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I’m glad you’re here Rick. Yes you can do this. I know because I did and nothing special here. I quit all substances 18 months ago after 40 years of using. 55 Now. It wasn’t even as hard as it seemed on day one. It took a plan. A simple one but a plan nonetheless. It took the right mindset which I got by gaining the right knowledge about addictions, about myself, about quitting. Lots of knowledge you can find right here at this forum or elsewhere on the web. And it took a group of my peers to get support from, to talk to, to support myself. I also found that right here but there are many places and opportunities where you can fiend friends who are going to the same thing and who fight the same fight. Being together is essential IMO. Together we’re strong. Alone it’s too much, which is also saying keeping secrets is counterproductive in the long run. Anyway, welcome here Rick and all success in your journey.

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A pastor reminded me of king David and when he repented for all he did he acknowledged his sins were not against others (even though we may have hurt others as a result of our actions) but against God. He doesn’t run out of forgiveness and does not give us anything more than we can handle. He knows the plans he has for us and we are fearfully and wonderfully made in his image. He reminded me if we start with asking God to forgive us for our sins against him we can start to heal ourselves and the hurt we have caused others.

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12 Steps & 12 Traditions / pages 23 - 24…

Who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A.’s message to the next sufferer?

No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn’t care for this prospect—unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself.

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Welcome. Thanks for sharing.I just listened to Matthew mcConaughey who is also a Christian and has written a great book about life and values. You might find it helpful. He says “We cannot fully appreciate the light without the shadows. We have to be thrown off balance to find our footing. It’s better to jump than fall. And here I am.” Basically, you can do this. There are always shadows but it’s better to jump into sobriety than fall into something terrible.

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Hi @goldrush49 welcome aboard :upside_down_face:

You can start changing your life whatever your age or addiction.

Sobriety isn’t easy because you have been using to hide-relieve-numb (etc) something for so long.
So not only do you face becoming sober, you also have to face your issues head on…
The good thing is you only have to face one day at a time. One step at a time… and we are all in similar situations so you aren’t alone.

Forgiveness never runs out, it’s like a waterfall, as long as we are going the right way, doing the right thing, our best, forgiveness comes just like the water flows.

One day at a time…

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This! The worst addict is the one who doesn’t have a problem with quitting - I’ve done this 1,000 times. One who’s been there for other addicts, one who’s been the Harriet Tubman (spelling?) of leading people away from drugs, alcohol but not himself. It’s ugly how it rears it’s ugly head. Never to share my addiction to fear of leading someone astray. I preach our true transparency but just can’t do it. I’m taking it 10 minutes at a time. Today is a good day. Ty

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Ty for the calm response -

Thanks man - I appreciate the response

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10 minutes at a time sounds great :slight_smile:

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Yes you can absolutely do it, I’m 52 and 400 plus days sober. I would be lying if I was to say it’s easy, pretty much in the same boat as you 12 pack a day and pot. Enjoyed it the first 25 years tried to quit the last 10, found this app it’s good people and it’s working.
I can honestly say I am way happier than I ever was in those 35 years!!!

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That’s awesome - - done with work today - going str8 home - no stops - no $$ in my pocket - str8 home will get me through until tomorrow- ty -

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You can do it! you already made a good choice. That’s all it is, one good choice at a time. You can make good decisions when you’re sober. Keep at it, it’s worth it!

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Hi Rick,
I’m pretty certain you know you won’t be able to keep your addictions secret, and you probably suspect they aren’t as secret as you wish.

I’ve found in my experience and that of others, that being willing to do anything - to reveal some shameful behavior if needed, to upend one’s ideas on faith, to experience humiliation on the way to gaining the strength of true humility - that willingness is the indicator of readiness for sobriety.

I got sober at age 45 after a 35 year drinking career. For me, I wasn’t so much ready to get sober or ready to quit drinking, but I was desperate to stop drinking, I knew I didn’t know how to do that on my own, and I was ready to surrender the two-front war I had been waging - fighting the destruction of alcohol on my life (“I’ll control it this time”) and fighting against the idea of sobriety (“I’ll never have fun again” n.b. I was getting arrested and losing relationships so not so much fun). I was ready to simply give up and be pointed in the direction I was led and do what was suggested.

There’s more to my story than that, and there’s more to yours than the desperation you’ve shared with us so far. But the bottom line is that we need to decide then we need to take action. Getting to bed clean and sober is the goal every day, when I had 1 day and when I had 1000 days.

Blessings on your house :pray:. Welcome to Talking Sober, brother!

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The first time I joined this app I was a youth leader at our church. I’d go every week and give them a great lesson and then come home and start drinking :upside_down_face: Talk about a hypocrite! I was the biggest. Forgiveness doesn’t run out but our guilt starts to pile up till we can’t feel it anymore. Just think about how good it will feel when you lay that burden down. You can do this :muscle:

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If you believe in the Lord, you should know that his forgiveness never runs out. His grace is sufficient.

On a more secular level, living a secret life can be such a strain on the human mind, as I am sure you know. You may not be ready to tell your family, but I hope you can find some support here with us. :slight_smile:

Welcome to the forum

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