I’m 50 - Can I do this - or forever keep this a secret

It’s exactly where I am - I’m an accountability brother to many - because I believe in it. The hurt is deep - maybe too much to carry - my daughter sees Christ in me. My wife suspects through my behavior - and my son recently is becoming my prodigal. It starts with porn - then with lust - then with meth - then with infidelity and lude acts and then with guilt - regret - condemnation- repent - forgiveness- and start again - it feels like a curse - I just want consistent days of being good - sharing way too much for one day - but I will try one more day tomorrow - forgive me for being transparent- but I can’t sugar coat it - I rather die trying than repeating this vicious crazy cycle

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Praying now that God calms your storm. One day at a time is all we can do. Hour by hour even. This is a great place for support :raised_hands:

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Ty - I’ve never asked anyone to pray for my addiction because no one knows - I just gotta believe that my life has meaning and purpose - that you all are real and not bots - that my best days are ahead of me - that while I continue to make a difference in other peoples life’s - but that I can go home in peace - and go to my bed “clean” - and my addiction, abuse and hurt will not get transferred to my kids and their kids. That i can have peace and know that I can string days of sobriety - 1 week has been hard for a year - 3 weeks before that and the longest 3 - 4 months. Turning in for the night - again, ty -

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Yes it’s hard but so worth it I’m 53 and just passed 90 days sober went on my first vacation in 15 years that I can remember everything hang in there you got this we are all here for help

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Welcome. I’m 48 and fighting this thing. Hang in there and keep fighting. Rooting for you.

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Thanks man - thanks

I was thinking about you when I was fishing today, I hope everything’s going okay for ya today.

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Yeah man - another hurdle - another chain broken - it helps to come back here - it’s a safe place - sometimes it feels like the floor is gonna give out - taking daughter to her youth group church meeting and having date night with my wife at the parking lot - finding the good in my day.

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I am 50, quit at 47. 3 years 9 months. Drank for a long time. I would drink a lot, sometimes not so much, go periods without, periods with. Sometimes all night, mornings. Sometimes I waited until evening. It seemed to get worse after 45 as far as the morning drinking on and off.

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Continuing - Day 13 today - can’t believe it’ll be 2 weeks tomorrow - behaviors are changing - habits are beginning to break - thinking is getting clearer - and reasons to live are now numerous - it’s a conference but humility and thankfulness- For His Grace and Love - hope you’re achieving another day of sobriety too - Happy Sunday Peeps

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2 WEEEKS TODAY … it’s a good feeling to be thinking straight - outta the woods? No - but can see through the woods - I feel like I’m back on that road to recovery - is there temptation? Everyday - but I’ve changed my thought process - I’m taking my daily meds - vitamins - prayer - and checking in with you - Thank you.

Rick

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Good to see you and big congrats on 2 weeks Rick! You’re on the road to recovery as we all are here. One day at a time. Thanks for being here.

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Day 15 - I find myself looking to help others; knowing I’m stronger enough today. There’s a peace inside me - I can’t describe it but it’s not wearing off - I still ups/downs during my days but it doesn’t lead me to “wonder off” I’ve faced some of my triggers - and tonight I’m realizing that some of the things I’ve experienced (good but mostly bad) are life lessons for me. Talk about making chicken salad ought of chicken shit - as I’ve mentioned - I’ve never met my real mom and dad - abandoned at a very young age and only found out about 4 years ago - and now I’m 50 - so as a leader, a patriarch to my family going forward - I’m impressed to make decisions that will not affect generations after me (rambling to some of you) but if you read this - know that you were born with a purpose - a reason - I love this scripture from Jeremiah 29:11

”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Be well peeps - Happy Tuesday
Rick

Day 17 Checking in - missed a couple of days but still sober - not perfect - still miss the feeling of getting high - but love the calmness in my heart - how still things are - instead of racing thoughts - it’s more clearer and steady thoughts- not living in Fear - but taking in the chin every day and facing it - hope you all are well and going to bed clean today - Happy Thursday peeps

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Great to hear you’re doing well Rick.
There are two big things to be aware of right now that catches a lot of people out and they go back to using.

  1. Your :brain: will try to convince you that your addiction wasn’t all that bad. It will tell you that if you can get this far, there can be no way you have an addiction. That’s not you having those thoughts, it’s your addiction trying to trick you back in.
  2. A case of the “fuck its”. Life can be very hard, that’s true if you are high or sober. But that thing that is hard when you’re sober will still be there if you get high to deal with it, except now you also have the shame and guilt and comedown /hangover on top of it.

Read quitting books, listen to podcasts, go to aa/na meetings (intherooms.com is great for online meetings and there are plenty people around your age so lots of shared experience).
You got this!

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@Kipper - probably one of the best advice I’ve received - thank you - I will keep that in mind when I feel that everything is alright and I can take a drink or puff - I CANT - love you for being honest and not letting my comment left on read and not being accountable for telling me some truth - have a gr8 day. YOU made a difference today

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Awww hey thanks, glad I could be of help. Have a great day!

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19 days was all I could handle this last time - I missed up and got high again - I can’t kick this addiction of meth - i can’t do it with will power alone - but I’ll reset my sober time date and start again today - being careful to give advice when I need to listen more. This wil be the hardest thing - I will overcome - so I’ll start again today with getting over being sick, sweats, anxiety and living on HOPE that will stop forever this next time - this f’n sucks - Because Fear, Guilt, Condemnation wins again. If you do, please pray for me and my family (that don’t know) the strangle on me is death gripping.

Sorry to hear you relapsed. What are you going to do differently this time to last time?
Have you considered going to an online 12 step meeting? Intherooms.com is great and they have dedicated NA meetings.

Trying to learn how to navigate through the rooms and fuctikn at work at the same time.