Like some others, I will share my AA exposure in hopes it might be helpful.
I was 45 years old when I got sober, and 27 when I went to my first AA meeting. I had just been asked to leave the home I shared with my (ex-)wife and child, due to the things I did when I was drunk, both proximate to being asked to leave and a culmination over the 5 year history of the relationship.
I stayed sober for 30 days or so. I did not get back into the house, so I went back to drinking. What I got from that first attempt was a Big Book that I carted around for the next 10 or 15 years, and the knowledge that I really was an alcoholic. All my drinking from that time forward was not so carefree - I had the “head full of AA and belly full of beer” conundrum.
I went back to AA about 6 years later. At that time, I had gone on my first weeklong bender, the week between Christmas and New Year’s. My daughter was about 9 or 10 and was visiting me and my girlfriend for the week. I frightened myself by staying drunk all week when I did not want to, I wanted to be a much better dad. This started my pattern for the next 12 years of dropping in and out of AA every 6 or 12 months for periods of one or two days to as long as 9 months (that stint was following my only trip to inpatient rehab).
I was going back to AA when I needed to get out of jackpot, usually legal trouble related to drunk driving or relationship trouble. Combined with Antabuse, I could demonstrate action toward getting sober to satisfy a judge or my spouse. But, spoiler alert, I was not done drinking. I would take some time off, take a “drug holiday” from drinking, so that when the consequences faded, I could return to drinking the way I wanted to.
The day came when I hit my last (please, gods) bottom, and about 6 weeks later after trying to stay sober on Antabuse, fear and willpower, I returned to AA with a different attitude. I went back because I was desperate to get and stay sober, to just stop drinking. I could not really voice the change I felt, but I was finally done with drinking and I I knew I did not know how to stay sober on my own. I had the memory of that 9 months after going to the farm for rehab, and how I actually started to feel comfortable in my own skin. I was still too ashamed to return to the local AA meetings I had attended off and on, so I started going to those close to my workplace, a half hour commute from home. I started going to noon meetings because my travel was severely restricted and because I found I could get through a morning, go to AA, get through the evening until bedtime with a fair amount of calm and a minimum of craving. I knew I could not wait until evening for a meeting at that time.
All the earlier forays into AA, I was trying to figure out what I could take out of the meetings with a minimum of effort. If that was a cup of coffee or some cookies, or a smile from a pretty girl, or a moment’s peace, if I could get there without all the sponsorship and stepwork nonsense, that’s what I was there for. I would frequently drink on my way to or on my way home from meetings. Even the short time I had a sponsor and we started reading the book, it was more for the sense of belonging than a desire for sobriety that got me over to his house once a week. When I got permanently sober, I latched onto AA with a depth to the willingness to do what was suggested that I did not think I was capable of feeling. I got a sponsor at my second meeting, and did what he told me to do without argument.
I got sober behind an arrest and eventual conviction for yet another DUI. My movement and freedom was restricted from the beginning, for about 2 years until I made parole, and for another year after that until I finished my sentence. During that time, I went to an AA meeting, an individual counseling session, or an outpatient rehab treatment program every day that I could travel. I was doing 3-4 meetings per week, along with a bunch of other efforts (journaling, counseling, AA service work, hanging out with sober men etc.) to get to a contented and useful life. Today, I still make about 3 meetings a week, I hang out on Talking Sober, I represent my AA group at the next organizational level (group service representative to the district), and my primary friendships are with AA men. Over the time I’ve been sober, my AA program has been heavy on the “AA service” aspect - web site servant for the state, group chair, group treasurer, group service representative, district committee member, and about 10 years of bringing a weekly meeting into the local prison.
AA has worked for me and for a couple of million others like me. I credit my sobriety to the program of recovery that is laid out in the 12 steps of AA. I am profoundly grateful for the founders of AA and their dedication to it. I believe it is my responsibility to continue to give back to AA.
There are plenty of other solutions, and the longer I hang around Talking Sober, the more I hear of them. Here’s a couple of pertinent quotes from the Big Book:
Upon therapy for the alcoholic himself, we surely have no monopoly.
Foreword to the second edition, page xxi
If he (the alcoholic to whom you are carrying the AA message) thinks he can do the job some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us.
Working with others, p. 95
No approach to sobriety is going to work without significant emotional, spiritual, and mental effort by the recovering alcoholic. With enough conviction, dedication, willingness, honesty and open mindedness, any program can work. The AA program comes in about as many flavors as there are members. Do not be put off by the approach taken or recommended by one or two or a dozen AA members, particularly regarding religious or spiritual beliefs. Find your way.
