I am so frustrated. I am into my second month of sobriety and doing well, and am trying various AA meetings to ensure long-term sobriety. Went last night and realized people were so much worse off than me and I am feeling so confused. Even the people that I have been hanging out with. I know I am not supposed to compare-I know I don’t want to be addicted to this crap anymore. But when I go to meetings I question what I am doing there - I can’t help it. I am so frustrated and just wanted to vent. It seems the drinkers like me, moms who got themselves addicted to wine drinking at home are more active on the web and less in AA. I have been drinking for about 40 years. I think i felt it was becoming a problem for the last fifteen. I dunno. Ugh.
Do what you feel is right for you. I am active in AA but, it’s not for everyone. All I will say is that everyone’s bottom is different. It’s wherever you stopped digging. Best wishes on your journey.
Maybe you should start something: WMA…Wine Mothers Anonymous.
I guess like anything in this journey, it’s ups and downs. One meeting may be a bust, but another may inspire you.
You’re doing so well. Maybe you’ll find some other method suits you better. You already found someone you know in the meetings, right? Maybe just keep in contact with her and try SMART?
One of my all time favorite comparisons of whether or not you define yourself an alcoholic and want to be a part of the fellowship is this:
Did you come to AA because you dropped a martini glass poolside or because you crashed your car blitzed into a school bus? If you are in the rooms you (may) indentify yourself as an alcoholic regardless of how you get there. Keep It Simple
do you have any women’s only meetings in your area? it might be worth trying some different meetings but equally maybe you can find better support online and supplement with SMART as others have suggested. Personally I think you can get something out of every meeting but it depends on your mindset… are you doing the steps? that might be useful regardless of whether you’re attending the meetings. Good luck, I hope you find something that works for you.
It’s a natural human reaction to use others situations as a yardstick to measure ourselves. We do it when driving. We do it with our finances and lifestyle. We do it with our marriages, our kids, our faith. It’s natural, but whether “good or bad” really depends on our own attitude.
I read stories and struggles here that make me thankful that I arrested my slide before I experienced what they have. I’ve read stories that break my heart, and find myself praying a lot for people with whom my only relationship is this app.
I once ran a half-marathon for vets. I was mentally complianing about how tired I was, and how much my knee hurt. At about the 7-mile mark, a guy comes chugging past me…and I noticed his right leg and arm were prosthetic. I quit comparing myself to other runners in that moment. He had a will to win. Atitude counts.
Maybe you need to be there for the others that are trying to come and find people like you.
Also, at 119 days I still meet New people at my home group. People that have been around, and some how went to different meetings than me, or just had not gone to a meeting since I started.
I think that is why it is so important to 'keep coming back!'
What you seek is there, and I pray it does not take much longer for you to find it.
maybe getting a sponsor might help , in my early soberiety i used to get confused and angry why didnt these guys lose there wife and everything else like me and boy didnt i tell them that at meetings till i got a sponsor and he put me right , told me to sit on my arse and listen and low and behold there was guys there who lost everything like lol , that was along time ago now my sponsor passed away two years ago now it was a privilage to have known him for 30 years ,
I have been drinking since I was 15, so 42 years…time off for pregnancy, breastfeeding and the odd time or two or three I stopped for a bit. I binge drank…for a long while I drank liquor, beer, wine, martinis, mixed drinks, shots…beer dropped off, then whiskey, I drank martinis for years, switched to just wine many years ago.
I crashed a few cars in my younger years and when I was mixing meds with alcohol in my later years, was sexually assaulted while loaded quite a few times, drove drunk for years…often doing lines while driving and smoking and drinking a beer and driving a stick…classy. I was homeless for awhile, used what I had to get me by for awhile, stole drugs and money from a lot of people. I have hurt countless people who loved me, myself most of all. Did I ever hit a rock bottom…not really…at least it never felt like it.
I also raised a beautiful talented successful daughter on my own, got two degrees, bought and renovated a house on my own, opened my own business, invested in the stock market and traveled a lot…among lots of other stuff.
My point? I was a functioning drunk for most of my life. I have never done AA, tho I thought of it plenty. We are all individuals on our own journeys…some people find AA helpful, others don’t. We each need to find our own path and find what works and feels right for us. For many people that will be a strict AA doctrine, for others, not.
As long as you are honest about your process and sobriety… stay sober the way that resonates for YOU. Build your sober toolbox and flex those sober muscles YOUR way.
And great job on your two months!!
I think the reality is a desire to get sober needs to come from within the person…whether that comes from their own mental fortitude or some type of spiritual awakening, the premise holds true, no one but you can make that decision or put in the work to be successful in sobriety.
Take the internal desire for change and add in an accountability and sober support network component and you have the building blocks for success. I’ve read the attached article, I don’t personally do AA, and I don’t think it matters what label we assign to ourselves.
There seems to be an ongoing debate about AA or not; it clearly works for many, it doesn’t for others. Doesn’t really matter as long as people are progressing in their sobriety.
I personally take issue with the “powerless over alcohol” mantra. I understand it’s use and that it liberates the addict from responsibility to fight off the substance and places that responsibility in a higher power. That works for many…it doesn’t work for me. I do not use “weak, powerless, can’t” in my vocabulary. We don’t use it in our home, my children say “I will always do my best” instead of I can’t. We become who we believe we are. What I will admit is that everything I do, I take to the extreme, many times to my detriment. When I run, I run further than I planned to run. When I eat, I eat more than my share, when I work, I am a workaholic. I drink to excess, but I have COMPLETE control over that because I tell myself, despite the cravings, no one is forcing me to take that first drink, just as no one is holding me back from taking that first drink. That choice is in my hands and the debate occurs in my mind.
Religious or not, we have a choice in this life over what path we take. Alcohol is a liquid sedative, it reduces inhibitions, it is a central nervous system depressant that also has stimulant qualities. It isn’t a fairytale monster or some other anipamorphic demon that we cannot slay without Divine intervention.
I think regardless of what path you choose, if it is working for you, keep driving onward.
I am done with alcohol, and “I will always do my best” from this point forward.
Be careful with that, I thought the same & then I would give myself permission to drink cause I wasn’t that bad, keep your head where your feet are, all the best to ya
Nothing wrong at all. This is another reason I didn’t like AA. It was depressing. I didn’t drink in high school or drink. You dont have the same issues as major alcoholics and there is nothing wrong with realizing that and never going back to AA.
Just because you aren’t as bad as the others doesn’t mean you can’t learn from them. Be grateful that you haven’t slipped down that path to rock bottom…
Thank you so so much for your thoughts on this. The first thing I thought when I left that AA meeting was to put it out there to you guys, and you did not disappoint. I read through all the comments more than once. I hope this question will help someone else too.
I have made up my mind that I am done with alcohol and never want to go back to where I was. I don’t trust myself that my resolve will be this strong indefinitely, and that is why I am looking to join a group like AA. However, i am also not comfortable with the concept of surrender, yet I am intrigued by the success of AA and by the self discovery to be learned by the steps. So I am going to give it a few more tries.
Trying women’s AA meetings this week, and tonight I’m going to one where they discuss the first few steps. SMART is 40 minutes away, but what the hell, I’m going to try it next week.
Bottom line is that I don’t want to come this far and lose my resolve, so I’ll keep trying.
Thank you!
That’s “winner talk”. I like it.
Great to hear pal! I’m so happy for you that you have decided to leave alcohol forever. And it’s pretty cool to watch you sober and fishing around for what works for you. Keep it up!
As far as the surrender thing. It might help you to talk to someone who’s higher power is not God in the traditional sense. They may be able to help you get thru the steps with a “surrender” that you are more comfortable with. They may be able to help get thru steps 1, 2 and 3 so you can move on to the benefits of 4,5,6 and 7.
You are sober!! It’s admirable. A lot of people can’t say that while they are trying to find their way. Keep it up!!