I only had one beer but I ended up drinking the rest of the weekend and I don’t even know why. I had finished my semester and I didn’t have anything extra to worry about. People kept pushing drinks and I just gave in. I hate myself, and I almost feel like there is no hope for me. I got sober for almost a year because I had nothing and I was ashamed of myself but I am even more ashamed that I am not being the best version of myself now that I have a great job, car, and grades. I’m being risky and I hate it because it’s as though my addiction is trying to bring me back down again if I can’t find the strength to get out of it myself. I know I’ve posted a bunch after relapsing and the judgmental comments will flood in, but I don’t want to give up and anything even if it’s reprimanding will help me get through this first day again. I do know when I’m sober I’m running at 1000 miles an hour and I overload myself to the point where I am freaking out over things I can’t fix in the moment. I know my university has tele-health now and I might see if they have resources for people like me.
The truth is, we can’t get out of it ourselves. We need help, many of us on a daily basis. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
If what you’re trying isn’t working, maybe it’s time to try something different, not just the same thing with more effort.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
Take it easy on yourself 
I’m impressed you admitted your relaps and are trying to figure out a way forward. You show strength and perseverance by trying again.
Remember not to overwork yourself. Take it easy
Just don’t drink today
One day at a time
Thank you so much, I am lucky to have a partner who doesn’t drink. I feel so bad once again sending the “I need to stop this, and I need your help” text because it’s almost every week now. But every single time he just says okay I’m here for you. I don’t feel like I deserve it at all and he doesn’t deserve to be with a mess, but I want to get back to me, and I know he wants me back too.
I also have to remember it takes a while for the brain chemistry to get back to normal so I just gotta stop giving up before my brain gets back in shape.
What you need is a plan to get sober. This normally is a pick and choose of lots of different things that have been tried by other alkies and have been found beneficial. The most comprehensive list of those resources on the Forum is this:
Pick a few things - AA meetings, therapy, mindfulness practices and exercise are the big ones. See what helps. Stick with it, couple of weeks minimum. Make a real effort. Mix n match until you find your golden ticket combo.
There is no reason you can’t do this.
Here is what longtimers would want you to know:
Advice for the Newcomer and Constant Relapser
Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober)
Stay connected. Use this:
Checking in daily to maintain focus #50
Let’s get to work, girl. See you around! 
The main thing is your back trying, don’t beat yourself up, what good will it do, what’s done is done now add more tools to your recovery and stay out of places and situations that are risky especially in early recovery, good luck
Thank you so much! Yes any resource that can help is appreciated, I need to start switching it up instead of just being hard on myself. I used to go to the gym 6 days a week and I wouldn’t let anything like drinking or staying out late get in my way, so I know fitness could work for me again but you are right to have a few eggs in your basket to cope with alcohol dependency. All I know is if I give up then I’ll truly be lost again so even though this is another day 1 I’m going to make it count and make it different than all the other ones.
fitness is great as an assett. we have quite a few dedicated gym nuts here.
Gym selfies, weightlifting & fitness 
but it won’t get you sober or keep you sober on its own. I lifted weights and drank all my non-protein calories for a couple years.
this is what I was hoping. we are going to hold you to this. you can absolutely do this thing. 
I can definitely relate to the working to exhaustion/stress. I ran my own business, burned out after working 140 hr wks for 2 years. The stress drinking, depression, feelings of failure… sold my business after and for a job but then just kept drinking. Am 90 sober today. To a plan, support from my spouse, and heavily, and medication. Whatever you need, it’s available to you. You can do this. Just keep trying. One moment at a time.
Thank you so much for this. Stress is definitely the main reason I drink, and I’m stressed all the time so of course we all know what that means, constant cravings and the beginning of risky behavior. I found out recently my university does telemedicine and I definitely need to get my mental health in order if I’m gonna beat this for good. 90 days is something I had at one point and for a bit recently I thought I can never reach it again, but for my daughter, my partner, and my family I have to do it and for myself most importantly. Owning a business or being high up in a profession is my goal but I will never get there without mental stability and sobriety. It’s gotta stop, I keep trying and failing but this time it has to stop. Thank you for your story and your motivation!
You are so worthy of sobriety and the partner you have. My relapses occurred after I finished/got through something very stressful and challenging, maybe like the end of the semester? You have a good head on your shoulders and understand the severity of alcohol abuse. Way ahead of the game and in your way. Glad you started this thread.
Hang in there! I have walked in your shoes. I am certain many of us have given into temptation. Stay FOCUSED on your goal for a sober life.
Dont beat yourself up- ive been with my partner 5 years and for that whole time all hes said is im here for you- i know your not the person i love when you drink. He wants to help and that is a huge thing, im 37 days sober now and our relationship is the best its ever been.
Be proud that you asked for help and he stood by you, and well done for being on here too 
Sobriety and recovery isn’t a make the decision and then you are free kind of thing. It is a process and a journey. It is not a straight line from ‘I need to get sober’ to ‘I am healed and whole’…not even close. We put too much pressure on ourselves expecting perfection…in all facets of life.
Drinking is a vicious cycle involving a lot of shame, guilt, anxiety and broken promises. In my experience, we build our sober muscles slowly and add a variety of tools to our sober toolbox along the way.
Beating ourselves up does not solve our problems.
Learning tools to manage stress is very helpful. Physical activity…mindfulness…meditation…yoga…reading…journaling…eating healthy nourishing foods…quiet walks…all of these have been, and are still, very helpful to me. Learning our stressors is important. Finding new ways of coping with life (which can be stressful) is paramount to our health.
Tele health sounds like a good tool to add to your life.
As for judgemental comments…I think for many of us, early sobriety is a time of feeling super raw and on edge and very emotional…it was for me. Everything felt like a judgement, as I was so ingrained in judging myself and being ashamed and guilty. My advice is be gentle with yourself and with others. We are all just doing our best where we are, right now. Sometimes it isn’t that great, but we are trying.
Life and sobriety and recovery are all a processs. It is a bumpy ride, but worth it. 
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Easier said than done though, I know. I can only speak from own experience as a chronic relapser. I have 142 days today. What I did differently this time was get support. I did not think I needed nor did I want support. But, I went back to therapy and started Recovery Dharma. For me, it has helped. I’m not sure if you’re “white knuckling it” as my therapist said to me. You may need other support. You still had the 10 days sober. Next time maybe it’ll be longer. Don’t discount the work you have put in.
Yes I agree with this 100%. The guilt and disappointment is just the alcohol trying to make you feel like crap, so you will keep giving your money to it. Just part of the trap.
This dark tunnel is waiting for all of us each time we drink. If you drink you will always have to walk through it. Let this crap tunnel be an additional motivator when your tempted. Just thinking about “the after tunnel” can be enough to Nope the heck out of there.
Good to document how crappy the tunnel makes you feel. It will become one of the most powerful tools to REMEMBER. Like a diseased paid lady of the night, soon we realize the juice ain’t worth the squeeze.
Find hope in the fact that most of us go through what you are going through and success will be found if you don’t stop seeking the best combination of things that work for you.
When you loose motivation it is just alcohol doing its job to make companies rich no mater your personal cost. Best to ignore any lack of motivation and keep moving forward.
One thing that helped me was having a plan. I have plans for what to say if offered, what to do if i get a craving, etc. I picked up a new hobby (learning guitar) and started doing some of the things I’ve been wanting to do (finishing a book, and starting to write articles). They remind me that life is better without drinking. It’s amazing how much time you have when you don’t drink. Also, i was prescribed medication for the alcohol cravings, Gabapentin. There’s no slams in asking for help, only in reusing to admit you might need it.
Keeping yourself in this massive stress cycle might be what is enabling your drinking. And that statement is coming from me, the Queen of Massive Stress Cycles. I echo the other advice that you need a plan- a daily one for managing stress, creating a manageable schedule, and staying sober.
I’m so sorry you felt pressured like that. No one should ever pressure someone to drink. Ever.
My thought is that the next time you are in a position like that you just grab your coat and go home. NOTHING is more important than your sobriety.