Day 11… yesterday I drank again. I had not been sober in 11 days for as long as I can remember. I cried when I drank again but I did it anyway. I said I’ll only drink one. That was a lie. Woke up and feel like crap. How do I reset my timer? Do I lose all my journals? That felt good. I’ve only been to a meeting once about 3 years ago. I’m scared. I don’t think I have a problem but I can’t stop it, which says I have a problem. I drank yesterday because I was so stressed out about something. I hate that I’m here with this. I’m not some loser off the street. I know it sounds pompous. Most don’t know my problem until they’ve seen me drink. I just keep going. Now I’m like my dad and brother. Something I despise.
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There is no such thing when you’re speaking of addiction. Some people fell farther than others that is it. The #1 thing we should do for sobriety is check our ego. Our ego tells us we can control the drink… it tells us we don’t have a problem… it tells us we’re not as bad as person x over there… it tells us meetings are for weird people… kick the ego in the ass and do whatever it takes. Go to meetings, connect with other alcoholics and addicts that are in recovery. We understand eachother. Put work into your recovery and your work will be rewarded. Best wishes to you.
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Welcome Msun 
There’s a reset on the menu by where go to check your milestones. No you won’t lose your journals when you hit the reset. This didn’t happen because you’re a loser, It happened because you need support and to build up more tools for dealing with stress and fight cravings. Just stick with it and keep working at it.
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I think you drank because alcohol lied to you and you believed it, saying drinking would help you with your stress. Truth is alcohol helps with nothing.
We come in all sorts and shapes. And none of us is despicable. But we do all have an illness. From what you describe I gather you have it too, just like your father and brother. Knowing we’re not just despicable losers, but instead we have an illness we can start looking for a cure. The cure is called recovery. Recovery is work. Recovery comes in many forms and shapes too. It always involves the help of others though. The help of our peers. We can’t do it alone. Welcome Msun. Together we can do this. One day at a time.
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Here are some very nice people who came to the conclusion that a life without their doc is something they need to think about.
Welcome to the forum. I don’t consider myself or my life as a riun of crap. I changed my journey some years ago. Sober isn’t always fun but that is life. In my recovery I learn each day how to tackle new challenges,how to live a good life as I see it. When I was drinking each night, falling into bed drunk, waking up hungover,not knowing what happened the other night (maybe I knew and didn’t want to face the truth).
It took me some time to come from I don’t have a problem but I drink too much. But please to put me into the ugly picture of an alcoholic bc that is not me. I have the impression that you put yourself there. We are not what society think we are. A bunch of sad, nondrinkers. The opposite.
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Neither am I. Hello, I am Scott and I am an alcoholic. Truth be told, most of us dont fit society’s picture of what an alcoholic is.
What have you been doing to stay sober?
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Maybe try a meeting again different mindset is needed wish you well
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Just journaling all my horrible thoughts and talking myself out of it.
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I’m not some loser off the street.
While I was actively drinking, I finished my masters, worked a 6 figure job, bought and managed 3 rental properties and owned a part time home painting business. Mist people on the outside think I am superwoman. I actually doing less since I quit. I was getting more done ro prove to myself I didn’t have an issue. I am still as successful but more able to appreciate it now.
Tanya
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That’s a start. It helped you get 11 days. What more can you do?
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Alcoholism/addiction absolutely does not discriminate… meaning that any walk of life… no matter what your situation, or how much money u have, or the amount of material items u have, or what background or how ur family life was… none of that matters to addiction. It doesn’t care. There’s absolutely no need to feel “bad” for having a “problem”, but it’s what we do with that knowledge that matters. The fact that u are here and even have to question that u are an alcoholic, may be a sign that there is an issue with alcohol. But only u can determine that for urself obviously. For me, I knew that as soon as I began to turn to drugs and alcohol to get relief from stress and life, thinking it could solve something for me, I was done. I crossed that line at 16 and I’m 37 now and have 16 days in. It is a progressive disease and only gets worse. I am glad that u are here and reaching out! That’s a great step!! Take some time to read the posts and see if u can relate 
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If you mean really how to reset, use the back arrow in the upper right to get back to your timer screen. There hit the up arrow at the bottom and you should see the reset button.
You don’t lose your journal entries. Just like you don’t lose that experience from that first 11 day stretch. Good to reflect on how sober feels, and what may have been differently to keep it going next time!
Good to see you back and “up on the horse” again.
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Today is bad. It feels just like it did, maybe worst because I betrayed myself. The nervousness, guilt, I almost missed my work meeting, was super late. I guess I’m not as functioning as I thought as I have been. I guess I have to make it to a meeting. I’ve never done that here and not sure how. I’m super scared to go. The nerve are bad. The shame!
Here is the good news:
None of us were as functioning as we thought we were…so you are in good company
None of us waltzed into a meeting happy go lucky, we were scared…so you are in good company.
For me it boiled down to: did I want to be an active alcoholic and kill myself…or did I want to recover, and experience life. I chose life.
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I was literally just thinking about this last night. I have (as I know you have as well) been completely swamped at work. And all I keep thinking about is there is no way I’d be able to survive this if I were still drinking. I did quite a bit while I was still drinking and drugging, up until I didn’t, but there was absolutely no way I’d be able to perform at this level with even a drop of booze in my system.
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