Hi all! My name is Sally, I am brand new to this site and have no experience talking in forums, so bare with me if I make any mistakes!
This is my story…
I am 21 years old. I was brought in a stable home, great loving and caring parents. Nothing has really happened to me to " give me a reason" to do what I do. I am addicted to pain pills. My drug of choice is hydro morphone. I am addicted to crushing and snorting it. I got started when I was about 19, I was in my first serious relationship with a guy I was completly in love with and admired. He was able to start a conversation with anyone and instantly become friends. He was that guy who everyone knew and wanted at the party. I am the opposite. I am shy , and before then I never tried any drugs at all. One night before we went to a party he had gotten a hydro for us to do together before going. I was hesitant at first, but at the same time curious and wanted to impress him. So I did it. And i felt on top of the world at that party. I could become friends or talk to whoever i wanted with out the anxiety or fear. The next day I puked my guts out and said never again. But again happened. Days maybe months later he got another one and all I could think of was how good it felt last time.
This continued until he was buying it everyday and could not function with out it.
Fast forward to today.
I am now 21 , the boyfriend I had then is no longer around as he moved far away for work and broke up with me . After he left. I went almost a year with out touching the stuff. Everything was normal again. Until one night I was out with a friend and they told me they can get hydro. So I said to myself " one more time " I wanted to feel that feeling of power again and amazing state of mind. So I got one and ever since then it has been worse than ever. I can’t go a day with out it or I end up with hot/cold sweats , nose running , my body aches, I feel depressed/ have terrible anxiety. I hate waking up and it’s the first thing I think of. I hate not being able to leave the house unless I have it. I see how negatively it is affecting my life but Its so hard when I don’t have it. I am scared of who I can become . No one knows of my problem. Its my biggest secret. I can’t tell my parents because they will be so sad and dissapointed in me, they have warned me about drugs ever since I was little. It would destroy them. I am trying to quit now on my own, but I need help. I need support or something. It has been 2 days with out it and I feel so depressed and down. Can anyone give me advice or tips to help me ?? Anything at all is highly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read about me today.
I read the first paragraph of your story and you described me. Raised in a wonderful home, drug of choice is hydromorphone. I started stealing them from my dad at 17. Its been 6 years. I developed severe asthma from snorting them and started IV use even tho I’ve said I’d never boot.I have tried almost every drug out there and aside from crystal method dilauded (hydro) is the most addictive substance I’ve ever tried. I have been to rehab 3 times. Its very hard to do cold turkey. This site will help a lot, but it depends on how many mg you were doing a day. Good luck! I’m here if you want to talk
Hi I’m not familiar with hydromorphone so have just done some reading about it! Have you had any advice from a doctor? As I say I’m not an expert but I would imagine going cold turkey would be challenging to say the least! You are doing amazingly well and being clean for 2 days is an achievement. Stay strong and I know you can do this! I wish you every success
Thank you so much for sharing that! I really need that right now
Right now I am doing about 12 MG a day. I want to quit so badly but it is incredibly hard, especially because i have a full time job and i can’t just call in every time I have cold sweats or feel depressed. Were you able to quit them on your own or did you do rehab ? I have never been to rehab or any doctor about it. Now when I do them I don’t feel high. I just do it to feel normal. Also How long did your withdrawals last ?
Hello! Thanks so much for your support. It meams the world ro me.No I have not seen a doctor… This forum is the first time I have ever opened up to anyone about my addiction. It is my biggest secret. No one knows the sort of double life I am living. Not having hydro has been very very difficult. I think about it all the time. I guess I’m too scared to tell anyone about this in person , even a doctor. I am going to try my best to quit this. Thano you again for your comment
@Sally Hi & welcome! Thanks for sharing, this is also my first time ever opening up in a forum. We are all in this together. I’m not familiar at all with hydro, sorry, but I’m here for support & encouragement! Thank you for opening up, I know it can be hard. Your making the right steps towards recovery! Great job at 2 days, that’s a blessing! We’re all here stuggeling with our addictions, but united we can overcome! Have an awesome day! Blessings & hugs!
I’ve only been using the app since this morning and already I’ve been amazed at how helpful and supportive it feels! Keep sharing and I’m sure we will all do our best to help you stay strong!
@Sally Hey you have made the first step and you are in the right place, I think it is really important to talk to someone but here you can openly, it will help you with the struggles and also assist you in overcoming this. This App is amazing and it will help you greatly Z(I am on here constantly since finding) Maybe you could find a support group in your area (just a suggestion) no judgement here!!! Welcome… Sending positive vibes your way…
Thank you for your support ! this app is amazing ! Everyone is so kind and helpful! I know this will really help me. Finding a group in the area I live is rather difficult and I am not sure where to begin to sign up for such a thing
You will get there in your own time, the internet is also a great tool in finding support groups ect, I know here in Australia there are various toll free support lines you can call (totally anonymous) for various things so something to keep in mind and do some research on in your area or county… You have started your journey though and that’s the most important step I wish you so much luck. It can be tough but your are definitely in the right place !!!
I reccomend at least talking to your doctor. I was right around 12-16mg a day and I could not stop alone. After like two weeks it gets easier but the cravings come on so strong. I’m not a fan of maintenance drugs but if you really can’t do it you may want to talk to your doctor about suboxone. I had withdrawals about 10 days, but I was only really like incapable of functioning at all for 5 days…its rly rough but I still struggle. 12 days off pills today although I haven’t touched a dilauded in months because everyone I knew who had them cut me off. Thankfully.
Maybe you already do this but i will mention it anyway. Exercise. Go to the gym. Run. Anthing to change how your body feels. It is very hard to start but once you do, it will motivate you. You will feel better and sleep better. It will take a month before you notice any gains but when you do it will motivate you much more. You will feel more confident which will give you inner strength. I am not downplaying addiction but this will help. You can overcome this.
Hi I am Sandra. Thank you for sharing your story. Like you, I grew up with loving and caring parents. What a great reminder that addiction doesn’t discriminate.
Coming from a mom myself, yes your parents will be disappointed, but I think they would want to support you in any way they can to help you beat this demon.
This post was awhile ago. Any updates?
I really need that right now
