Started off my new year in the depths of a vodka bottle…I got aggressive with people and made an absolute idiot out of myself publicly…
I’m not that person. I am not like that, I am kind and loving and always try to make people smile and drinking alcohol destroys everything. I’m riddled with guilt and shame today and suicidal thoughts have started to creep back up for the first time in a LONG time. I just feel alone in this journey, I’m young and in college and it’s so hard when life is surrounded by alcohol but I just can’t go on like this anymore.
Welcome to the forum. Most of us have had a night like that at some point. Are you now saying that you want to quit alcohol forever? I started drinking way before college and should have quit way before college, but here I am pushing 50 and still fighting to be sober.
You are not alone in your feelings of guilt and shame today I am sure and you are doing the right thing by getting on here as a first step. We have all been there but shame is not a healthy emotion…and we can’t go back in time so we can’t “fix” what caused it. Just accept and learn from it.
But first and foremost…please call a helpline or talk to someone you trust about your suicidal thoughts. Please.
This is the first time I’m saying it but yes. I NEED to quit forever. I’ve been constantly trying to convince myself I can moderate my drinking but I just can’t. I’ve made too many excuses and had too many blackouts and f’d up nights and then die for days after, it’s affected my relationships and friendships and have let people down.
You are a step ahead of many your age and older if you know you NEED to quit 100%. Moderation didnt work for me but it took me 30 years to get the courage to stop…and when I did, there was nothing but support from the people around me that matter.
Drinking is just bringing out your inner issues that you need to find and fix. You’re trying to mask them with alcohol and it will never work out. Well, the majority of us addicts are trying to mask some kind of issue, but they are easier to deal with when you have a clear, sober mind. Good luck, today is a good day for s resolution to change your life for the better
Decide to be better, and then be better. It’s a matter of saying “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink and saying “no” to the hardest person to say “no” to…yourself. It really is that simple. Not easy, but simple.
The good news is from the sound of it, all you did is embarrass yourself. Didn’t wake up bruised and bloodied, or wondering if you were victimized while drunk. You didn’t wake up in a cell or handcuffed to a gurnee.
Welcome to the forum. I hope you will stay and share your journey. Much to be gained…Life!
I noticed that you created a similar topic back in May, so it’s apparent that you have been aware of your struggles with alcohol for some time now. I went through something similar, I would post on here when I had a bad night, then delete the app when the fog lifted from the hangover and I was ready to drink again. What is your plan to stay sober this time around? I had to avoid certain people and places for a while, and get serious about my recovery. I am dedicated to my sobriety, and I am working on my issues that would unbury themselves when I was drinking… Alcohol ruins lives, and it’s poison, it truly is. I hope that you will find motivation and strength to get serious about being sober- it’s a much better life to live!
I noticed two prominent feelings from your post - regret, and feeling alone. You know you need to need to stop (a brave and empowering thing to truly accept), so my thought here is to use these feelings now. Feeling alone in sobriety means you’ll likely get huge benefit from actively developing a sober community around you – that can be here, that can be going to a SMART meeting, or AA (my favourite), or making friends in sober environments away from bars and the like. Your college may have clubs for various interests where you can meet people with common interests that don’t involve alcohol, or maybe you can get to know some of those who prefer studying to a night out. Sober friends really help take the pressure off. Second, you can make your regret pay rent by writing down how awful it was to pick up the drink so you can read those words before thinking about picking up again.
There can be better days ahead if you take steps to create the better future for yourself. I hope you find what this looks like for you, and more importantly, carry it out.
Welcome back, @RosieH. You’re doing the first and most important thing, continuing to reach out for help. Please know that everything will be alright, that you can stop drinking for today and tomorrow. It may feel like a struggle for a while,and that’s natural. Please do check out whatever counseling or meetings you can access through your school or your local AA.
Keep coming back to TS, to whatever group you pick, to sobriety. Your life will be amazing!
I understand. I’ve relapsed so many times. I know the first step is admitting I have a problem, which I have. Second, is saying no to drinking and remembering it doesn’t do me any good. I know it’s hard to not beat yourself up, but at least try. Be thankful to be alive, not arrested. I know it’s still hard, but girl we can get through this. You can always message me if you need to talk!