I was in the methadone maintenance program for six years. In June of this year (2017) I had completely weaned myself off the methadone.
Three weeks into my successful titration off the methadone, (my trigger) - which is being around ppl who use - was a man I met and fell I love with. So… needless to say, I ended up relapsing around 07/29/2017. I relapsed using Percocet but later found out that the whole time…
I was taking fake Percs. Fentanyl pressed Percocet. I don’t wish the withdrawls on my WORST enemy.
Between the legs kicking and feeling like you cannot get comfortable no matter what not sleeping not eating you literally feel like you’re going crazy I have never been so addicted to anything in my entire life. I wish to never have to go through that again and knowing that whether or not that happens is in my hands that’s in my control gives me Comfort because I know I won’t stoop back down to that. I know relapse is a part of recovery but I’m also afraid to withdraw and I’m glad I’m afraid because I’m almost positive that fear will keep me from the relapse that made or may not happen.
In my experience, relapse is due to feeling comfortable. I quit for 23 months once. I convinced myself I was in control and could drink and control it. That was pretty much halftime in my illustrious, All Star quality, 28 year drinking career.
Addiction is a Dragon. He hides. He waits. He has no timescale. He doesn’t give up. If you stay straight today, he’ll be there tomorrow.
No amount of time, no miracle treatment on TV, no rehab, no drug, gets you clean enough to “Just have one.”
I am glad you are back.
Best,
Chandler
I know the feeling - I too had 5+ years and figured I was cured. That first relapse was 3 yrs ago now and I have struggled to get 30 days (and that was only once) since then. I am on day 6 again this time and hope this is the one that sticks.
Hang in there - we’re all in this together.
I had a friend who unfortunately was addicted to Fetanol and it really ruined her life. I wish I could see her again, but she disappeared. All I hope is she’s okay. Bless you for kicking that awful, awful addiction.