I relapsed and feel shit

Hi Everyone!
So I joined roughly a month ago and started on Friday 13th (lucky for some!!) I managed to go 35 days and was feeling so good about it, feeling happier and healthier! Unfortunately I relapsed which lasted 5/6 days until Xmas day (I live with and care for my alcoholic disabled mother who was going in for an operation which triggered my relapse). This obviously attracted alot of attention from other family members and girlfriend, who don’t seem to understand the difficulties I’m facing and with very little to none support to help with my mum.
I know I can go again for another month probably. My problem is I binge when on hard spirits, I can go many days with out other alcohol or even socially without a problem.
Does anyone have any advice on my whole situation? Any positivity would be great!
Much love, Zak :slight_smile:

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Hi Zak,

I know this well… In terms of the month of freedom, followed by a reason to relapse. Rinse and repeat.

When I started reading about it I realised this 1 month-ish stage and onwards for a few months is known as “The wall” and it sounds like you’re hitting it, the same as I and many other folks have.

It’s like you’re a month in so you have this almost sort of security that you “might be able to moderate” along with the fact that the awful memories of feeling crap are now a month in the past, this is coupled with the fact that your inner-alcoholic-destructive-voice gains a little footing, and you start to barter with it instead of just shutting it down instantly.

It’s almost like once you’ve bashed your head against this wall so much you realise it’s gonna be easier to just quit on thru!

The book “The unexpected joy of being Sober” can explain this so much better than me. And other books will too, reading definitely helped me.

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Wow ! I didn’t know this was a thing , but this exact thing happened to me twice at about a month sober . The “bartering” … “I can moderate” and than it turns into a down ward spiral . So glad I stumbled upon this today ! Thank you .

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You’ve hit the nail on the head!
How do I go through that wall??

I must add that it has had a HUGE impact on my gf as it covered both our 1 year anniversary and Christmas. The fact we were in Tier 4 lockdown here in the UK seemed me think that it was ok as possibly it meant I shouldn’t really see her anyways. The stupids rationale of an addict, added to the fact I ‘needed’ the hair of the dog.

I hope you are all doing well on your journeys

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You need to change your relationship with alcohol. Quitting alone isn’t enough as you’ve discovered. Until that relationship changes, it will always be a struggle.

Look up the truth about alcohol on youtube (also on Netflix). Thats a good starting point.

Also, it doesn’t matter if you only binge once a week or drink everyday, hang out here in these forums and read everyday, there is a strong correlation between the leven of activity and sobriety.

Wish you well.

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