So i used meth for 6 months back in 2016 and then i got clean october 2016. I have a 1 year old daughter now and i live with my mom. So monday night i went out with my daughters dad, one thing led to another and now here we are, at the shitty end of an almost 2 day meth binge. I left my daughter with my mom monday night and didnt talk to her at all yesterday, so shes definitly going to be pissed. I know i should have called, but im so ashamed and scared to tell her that i relapsed. I feel like a failure. I feel like a horrible mother and a horrible daughter. Im so scared to go home… Please help i need advice.
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You need to go home ASAP and get clean and take care of your daughter. Fear has you paralyzed but you can recover from this. You need to start over and prioritize your child first. You are a mother now and your baby comes first. Go home to her and get your life together. Quit using -go to meetings -WoMAN up and step up to the plate and go take care of your child.
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What @Digitaleve said. Go home. Own this relapse. Get clean. Meetings, rehab, whatever it takes. And stay away from people “in the life”, including your daughter’s father. He has his own journey. You have yours.
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Go home and be honest. It may not go well but it will go better than if you lie. Tell her you’re ashamed and scared. Tell her you want help. Tell her you want to be the best mom you can.
Addiction is a disease full of lies. Honestly is the medicine.
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I don’t know if this helps but you should probably hear it. If you didn’t come home for two days and left your child with her she already knows you relapsed. You should call her and let her know you are alive. I know my parents would assume I was dead if I went out like that.
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Go home love. We went through this with my sister long ago and my mom was afraid my sister was dead when she would do this like @Englishd said. There is likely very few other reasons you would leave your child like that aside from relapsing or being seriously hurt or worse. I am sure she expects it’s one of those. You can only move forward from here so try not to beat yourself up too much but make sure you get the help you need. To get that though, you need to start with being honest, owning your slip and making a plan of what you need to do differently now.
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If you had the pride to relapse and hang out with a user(bf) then you should be able to face the consequences. You deserve to be scolded some for your actions and own up to it. To me it sounds like you need to stay away from the father and also distance the child as you dont want your child growing up around addiction. Obviously the father just wants to party n have sex. Both are very toxic for you and you need to block and ignore and maybe open up to him how you feel. That if he doesnt want to grow up and deal with responsibilities then he will no longer be in your life or childs. People want to have kids while partying and using but dont want the responsibilities of a child. If that was the case he should have wrapped it up. You need to build yourself up and get independent and confident in yourself again. You deserve better and will find it i promise. A better you will enable you to find a better partner. Keep an open mind and dont hold onto this relationship because its your kids father. Keep getting better for you and your child.
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Thinking about you today and hoping you made it home, that baby needs their momma. 
How ya doing?
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Hi guys, thanks so much for commenting, i really appreciate the advice and support! I did go home maybe an hour aftet i posted this. My mom was incredibly supportive, which i honestly wasnt expecting. I went to my psychiatrist yesterday and got my meds adjusted and now im waiting to meet a new councelor. Im doing good now, sober. Happy to be home. Sad to have to start over tho.
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Thats great! Yeah moms are usually pretty awesome like that, mine has certainly forgiven me for a lot of dumb crap over the years. Eh it is what it is, dont beat urself up too bad about it, it sounds like u got a solid game plan to help prevent it from happening again. Just jump back into ur recovery head first so u can be the same type of mom to your daughter that yours is to you 
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I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news but. . .
I’m willing to bet that your mom already knows. Gotta be honest with yourself before you can be with others.
Please stay clean. My cousin died after a meth od and left behind her 4 year old son Jacob. Poor kid has to grow up without his mom now. Im not saying this to guilt you, getting sober was the hardest thing i ever did. Im 3 years sober off of heroin, my friend was shot in a deal gone wrong. Ive seen some of the ugliest shit “that world” has to offer. Please get help, get clean. I can tell you care about your family, about your mom and your kid. You have a big heart, and you know what you have to do. From the sounds of things youve gotten clean before, i know you can do it again. Take care
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It takes a strong person to admit their mistakes. You did the right thing for yourself
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Your story sounds all too familar to me. It was after a deal gone wrong that i decided to get sober from opiates.