I had a terrible insomnia for the last 2 nights and masturbated out of desperation for sleep. But that just made the problem worse. The lack of sleep coupled with the brain fog from the relapse literally made me look like a zombie. So what should I do?
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Relapsed on alcohol? Can you tell us more? Take a deep breath. Were here.
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Dennis, you should definitely not take drugs and get some sleep. Everything will get better. Even the zombie look. Try going to an NA meeting. They help.
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I had an addiction for Porn and Masturbation. It’s just as bad as dropping mollies
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Hi Dennis, I’m not sure if you’re a recovering porn/masturbation addict (as I am), but if you are - I totally understand. I’ve been there and it sucks.
You’ve conditioned yourself over time to insert masturbation as an escape from something unpleasant. You don’t want to feel unpleasant/aversive things - boredom, anxiety, stress, fear, a sense of unworthiness, conflict - so you escape into masturbation, which is all about anticipation (dopamine) and all the rituals of that, the anticipation of masturbation. That serves as a kind of “bubble” that insulates you from the things you’re trying to escape.
But they’re still there. And when you’re done masturbating, you feel like a zombie. So you eat a box of Oreos or watch hours of video or whatever to numb/distract yourself even more - and the tasks are even harder to tackle when you’re feeling so lousy - and the cycle repeats again.
You’re not alone in this struggle brother. There are many here (and around the world) who have bent their sexuality out of whack over the years and who are working to re-shape it, regenerate it into something healthy. You can do it too.
First: rest. You need to get some sleep. If you can’t sleep, get up and go for a walk, or do a run, or any constructive thing (insomnia happens, it’s part of life - one of the things we need to do in recovery is live life with all its ups and downs, without running away & escaping). Eat some healthy food. And start learning about the role masturbation is playing in your life.
Have you read Your Brain on Porn?
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Oh, I see I made a slight miscalculation. I apologize Dennis. I assumed the issue had to do with drugs. My bad…
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No worries Ed, it happens! Your heart’s in the right place brother.
And actually - the basic principles of recovery are more or less the same for this too: being sober, building a sobriety toolkit for handling life on life’s terms. So if you’re working a recovery from a drug, you can translate a lot of that to recovering from porn and masturbation. 
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Thanks for the kind support. I’ve been recovering since 2016 and I’m getting better at it. But I’ve never fully recovered from it.
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Thank you Matt, my mind is so focused on alcoholism and addiction that sometimes I have to be reminded that people suffer from a multitude of varying forms of addictions. I just assumed. This is a great learning tool, being careful of tunnel vision and stay open-minded. I love recovery. 
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It takes time. It took time for you to dig the hole and it will take time for you to find your way out. But you can do it.
There’s a group of us here recovering from that same thing. If you search “masturbation” or “porn” or “PMO” you’ll find some. Let me see what else I can find tomorrow.
Also there are some good resources online; Neal made a great post about it a little while back - support groups; recovery programs:
I’ve gotta head to bed now but I’ll check in tomorrow. Be gentle with yourself tonight - maybe make some tea, draw a bath, relax & really help yourself relax naturally - then after a good night’s sleep the world will look better. 
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Yeah I know I’m not the only one. The tough part is that I have little to no social support outside of NoFap forums and subreddit. Most therapists I met denied my addiction and argue that occasional masturbation was healthy. The internet also shared the same sentiment. That general lack of sympathy also caused me to hide my addiction and my addiction recovery efforts to basically anyone in my life. In short I have no one to talk about my addiction and to hold me accountable for it.
The second hardest part is that my addiction is not a product of escapism. Before recovery I habitually jerked off for sport and sometimes for no reason at all.
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It’s common to view masturbation as something relatively harmless. I suppose for most people it is. For most people alcohol is harmless too. But for some people it’s not.
The links I shared above are a good source of connection; there are many recovery groups you can join there. For me, my major steps forward in recovery started when I joined a sex addiction recovery group in my city. In that group I’m able to hold myself accountable, and speak with other men who are in recovery from the same thing.
I also took some steps to change my environment. I downgraded my personal cell to a flip phone. That was very helpful, especially in the early days. I would also have days when I would spend the entire day in a safe place, for example a library or a mall, rather than be home alone.
There are underlying reasons for your dependency on masturbation and porn. One element of those is they are “self-soothing” (like other drugs are), in that they give you a “bubble” where you escape unwanted feelings or thoughts for a while. You will need to begin digging down into what those thoughts are; it will help you understand yourself.
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I can understand your frustration. I have addictions to some things that many people consider harmless or socially acceptable to be addicted to and there is almost a sense that you’re being dumb to avoid them. The opioids, for example, people understand, but tell people you struggle with caffeine or exercising too much and it’s a different story. Anything can be unhealthy when taken to the extreme, and it’s up to the individual to know if that’s the case. In my opinion, it takes a huge amount of strength to admit to those things and stand firm when others --even ‘professionals’ – tell you that the addiction is ‘fine’ to engage in.
That said, I don’t have any advice. Lack of sleep is one of my biggest reasons for relapsing. I know that they say it gets better, but I don’t know how to get through not getting sleep after several days. So I’ll just tell you that you should keep trying because it’s worth the struggle even when you fall. Because one day you have to succeed. And there are people here who support you and want you to succeed.
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Yeah you’re right. Maybe the crave for intimacy is the culprit
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I would stay PMO free for life. Abstaining from it unconditionally would always be better than conditionally.
Like Matt said addictions are kinda subjective. In my case PMO turned me into an emotional idiot. I was timid, afraid to confront people and chickened away from difficult things like starting a business or writing a book.
And finally thank you for the kind encouragement. I would definitely do my best to get rid of PMO from my life
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I also think, that the root cause of the start of my pmo addiction is the lack of intimacy (physical and emotional intimacy with female).
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Porn and masturbation - in my case; and in the case of many recovering from sex/porn/love addiction - are very often escapes from an intimacy deficit. And I don’t mean intimacy in a physical, sexual way. I mean what intimacy really is: into-me-see - the vulnerable, empathetic, respectful communication, listening, and being-there of a relationship. Whether it is a family or significant other relationship, or a close friendship, what they all have in common is a lot of intimacy work: listening, engaging, seeking to understand non-judgmentally, going through life’s ups and downs together. Note that none of that requires sex. What it requires, is courage and vulnerability and sustained effort. And those are the things we do often run from, for a variety of reasons.
In recovery people often speak about getting “comfortable being uncomfortable”. This is why. We need to build an intimate and fearlessly honest and searching relationship with our self, our inner self, and then use that truthful, sincere understanding, to build relationships with others. And as we do that work, our escape into porn and masturbation gradually evaporates.
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Sober_engineer,
www.StrengthenYourBrothers.com is an amazing online support system and recovery rehab online. www.SA.org also has good resources. I have been in recovery for this same thing (sex and porn addiction) for over 5 years now and I will tell you that there is hope and freedom, but you can’t unlearn something, so you will always have those old neuro pathways in there. You just have to make new pathways, rewire your brain, and live a life of healthy recovery. This is a new way of life. Dr. Patrick Carnes observed in his studies following over 1,000 sex addicts for over 7 years, that it generally takes about 3 to 5 years to get healing and lay a solid foundation for recovery. However, this is 3 to 5 years of laying a foundation of recovery, on which you will have to live for the rest of your life. If you are indeed a true sex addict (not just struggling occasionally with porn) you will have to walk with your guard up for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, there is no “quick fix.”
In it with you brother! You are not alone.
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I absolutely agree with Matt. If abstaining from something makes your life better then that’s all that matters. No one else’s opinion about whether ‘a little bit’ is healthy or not matters.
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