I kinda relapsed again… This time it was kinda bad… I didn’t go to work… Took urgent leave… Its 2 times I did this… And 2 medical leaves… In 1 month… And its my new job… I am only a month new here… I am tendering the job next week as I realised I don’t like the environment too… I feel so crappy… I went over to my uncles place which my dad does not like… I was talking to him drunk… I kinda told him all my stories of my ex gf… And apparently my ex is also related to him… And I mentioned how I kinda broke her house window and stuff… I was so stupid discussing all these… I feel so bad now… I wonder what’s wrong with me… Its day zero again after 20 days of being sober… This time I am gonna be dead strong… And not give in to this crap alcohol
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So sorry to hear this. What’s your plan to get and stay sober?
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I used to ask this too for days after drinking and making decisions I did not like. The answer for me is pretty simple: I am an alcoholic who drank. Period. No more mystery.
It’s not very poetic or sympathetic, I know, but the simplicity is actually effective because it states the problem and the solution in one statement for me. I can’t drink ever because I am an alcoholic. Boom.
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Sometimes the simplest answer is the best. I feel like sometimes people are looking for a recipe for sobriety which is what groups can offer, programs with steps etc. But I agree with you, first admit the problem, and accept the overall solution. Then find the root causes as to why you drink and develop a plan that best suits you to maintain sobriety daily.
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You seem to have this pattern where you relapse, do your starting over post and then disappear until the next relapse. All the advice and good wishes in the world don’t mean a damn thing if you’re not willing to even check back in to read it.
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Try a meeting might help wish you well
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Definitely stay on here
I realised that it’s a monthly affair after I get my pay…any suggestions how to cope this… Like maybe give my pay to my mum to keep
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If payday is a trigger, it wouldn’t hurt to be accountable to someone with your $. Your success depends on healing and finding healthy ways to live without the toxic crutch that is alcohol. Find a recovery plan that can provide you some comfort and maybe even joy.
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As a few others noted, you strike me as a bit of a rolling stone, and as the old saying goes, a rolling stone gathers no moss.
If you think about this metaphor a bit you might realize that a stone is dead. It’s the moss that’s living.
Maybe resist the temptation to just roll on when something seems tough, or makes you uncomfortable, or involves actual work, whether it be a job, or your relationship with alcohol…gather some moss.
Because the only thing that awaits a rolling stone is a bottoming out, as stones only roll in one direction…down hill.
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A rolling stone gathers no moss!? I like that and needed to see that myself. Great advice!
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Your use of the word “kinda” implies I level of deniability. You either did or didn’t.
I would start hitting meetings as often as possible. The more you actively work on your sobriety by doing something about it the greater chance at success you will have.
Ask yourself, when you had 20 days sober, were you enjoying your sobriety? Or, did you think to yourself, I will drink again eventually? This is where work and consistency comes into play. You can’t think your way to sobriety.
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How does one “kinda” relapse? Either you drank or didn’t. You need to change your vocabulary. The words you use become the thoughts in your head which become your actions. There is no “kinda” in recovery.
YOU CAN DO IT!
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Don’t beat yourself up. Just keep moving forward. We’re all here to support you.
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A Vet told me this, and he’s younger than this 63 yr old guy, he told me one day “Don’t Quit, Don’t Give Up” I repeat these words along with other word.
Good luck.
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