Okay… so I feel like I’m making progress lol. I came back here a couple days ago determined to keep posting no matter what happens in life (especially during relapses). I used two nights ago, reset the timer. Then last night after work I felt the urge to use. Was told we did have abit of money but that the choice was up to me. 1st off… I actually said “No, I dont feel like it”! Those word came out of my mouth! I haven’t said no in years to using drugs! But then of course my brain starts turning. I sat with the feeling and paused for 1 hour without changing my decision while taking transit home. But unfortunately, as I got closer to home, my addict brain got the best of me and I caved. Used last night again. Now working on my 1st 24 hours again. Even though I used, I am proud of myself for trying something different (saying no and pausing). The next step I feel is to continue with the follow through. Perhaps doing something to keep me occupied after saying “No, I dont feel like using”. Just the fact that those words came out of my mouth, surprise me. Shows me that I have abit of strength in me. Just wanted to share my little bit of progress 
Not much, but huge to me! Today will be a clean and sober day. Will be posting again tomorrow with Day 1 clean! Thanks for listening friends 
You’ve got the right idea. Learn from this, pick yourself back up again, don’t kill your determination with guilt. 
Thank you! I appreciate that 
You did well this reminds me of the last couple of times I relapsed I was able to make the decision to get rid of the rest of the stash and stop!
You are starting to get the right thinking and are right to see this as a good sign!
Thank you for your comment! Wow what a huge accomplishment to be able to get rid of your stash!!! That mist have been so tough! I feel like my thinking is slowly changing
Is this your SO telling you the choice is up to you? Are you using together? I was caught in this loop for years with my husband. If one of us left it up to the other, the choice was always to use. All one of us needed was to hear the other was ok with it. This cycle never ended until we were both ready to commit to stopping. You both need to decide there isn’t going to be anymore using and hold each other accountable.
It is my SO. We have had many “talks” about quitting. Usually it is me bringing it up (which I did yesterday) and then him saying the choice is yours. If I say yes, we generally use. If I say no, I stew in my addict brain until I cave. If he says no to me about using, I usually hound him and bring it up until he caves. I am generally the instigator of our using. I need to look after myself and stay strong for me. To be quite honest, he can generally take it or leave it. He doesn’t appear to have that addict mindset like I do. Me on the other hand, its a diff story lol
He wants to quit using snd so do I. Nothing, absolutely nothing good comes from it
It’s good you are posting here. What do you think about saying: no. Or no, I am not using anymore. What do you make when your feelings are changing?
Close the doors in the backyard that will swing open if you feel so.
Words are such a powerful thing! By saying “no, I dont use anymore” it reaffirms my decision to be clean. Sounds more impactful then just saying no. Thank you for your advice!!
Ive been seeing so much progress in you lately!! The drugs definitely lie to you and have you under some mind control. I remember how big of a step that was for me to realize that it was all LIES my addict brain was telling me… but once I figured that out (like you are figuring it out)… I became unstoppable. Seems like you are getting some control back over the mind control! Keep saying NO!! Proud of you!! 
Have u made a list of why u want to quit? Reading it over can really help ur resolve.
Awe thank you so very much! Thank you for your support I needed to read that actually… to know that progress is happening within me. Its true! Saying no to some people may be such a small achievement, but to me its huge. To hear my voice say no is remarkable! Like I always used to cave and give in but would battle the yes/no statement in my mind. I actually said it yesterday! Thanks for being proud feels good to hear that!
I had made a list a long time ago. But things have changed and I think it would be am awesome idea to write one up again! Thank you for the reminder
I was in that exact same position with coke. I was the instigator. I was the one that always brought it up and the decision was always left to me. We both wanted to stop using but neither of us had the willpower. I would say all day “not tonight” then I’d get home from work and my husband would say “are you sure?” and I would always cave. Unfortunately, it took a dui to get my ass into detox. If it weren’t for that dui, we’d still be doing it. I’m rooting for you. I know exactly what you’re going thru. 
I’m sorry to be the odd one out but I don’t understand this thread, I’ve been saying no for years and always end up saying yes, I’m not proud of that, that’s what makes me an alcoholic. We have to say no all day one day at a time.
Jeeze this sounds all too familiar. Thank you for sharing and relating to me. Neither of us use without the other and we both agree that we prefer each other clean and sober. We don’t argue or anything when we don’t use. So we are on the same page, it’s just getting us to not feed off each other’s cravings.
Good for you. Each step is important. I too will try to post each day. One step at a time.
Thanks we got this girl!!