This is what I looked like this time in 2017…
It’s 7:30am and I usually start my day with some mindfulness on how far I’ve come. Being one never scared to stare into darkness I went thru a folder titled 2017. Inside we’re lots of pics of me and the ex, our cat (R.I.P) and just random things we were doing. Scenic locations ect.
As I scrolled thru them I sat and looked at each one relflecting on what life was like then. I didn’t smile much. My ex didn’t smile much. When we did they were visibly fake. Then as I came to these two pictures. (Above) I starred at my former self for a few mins. I remember that day. I remember snapping these selfies and thinking to myself then, “I don’t look that bad.” “I’ve looked worse.” That’s when tears started running down my face. At the time I was not only comfortable being seriously underweight, but visibly a drug addict.
It’s so fuckin astonishing how jaded one’s life view is while in active addiction. The saddest part is for a long time I believed I looked good emaciated. Something about that herion-chik look.i guess hahah.
I digress.
Yesterday was the 5 month mark for me… it has sincerely flew by. Feels like just yesterday I was throwing out my pipes and shit. Now, 5 months later looking back at my former life, the former me, I barley recognize that asshole. "Asshole"being the appropriate word. At that time I wasn’t a pleasant person to be around. All I cared about was what I deemed important which was nothing. Nothing was important to me other than getting high. My kids weren’t important, my girl wasn’t important. My cat wasn’t important. My living situation wasn’t important. My health wasn’t important. I was so wrapped up in my own bullshit that looking back at it now it’s astonishing. It’s no wonder when I hit rock bottom I had absolutely nothing.
Before hitting rock bottom I hadn’t been in contact with my kids for over a year. My cat died. My girl cheated on me countless times. I was homeless bouncing around and you know what?? I deserved it. I deserved a life of utter shit because I was in effect a shit person.
Today as I sit here typing this I can proudly say that I am a changed man. The old me is dead,buried and gone.
In the last 5 months I’ve worked to better myself tirelessly. I’ve gotten clean, am living in a stable environment. I raised money for two different charities. ( Shout out to Derek on the last one) I have been educating myself to further my stance in life. Have become so active in bettering my physical health that I am seriously considering becoming a personal trainer after enlistment. I am rebuilding the relationship between my daughters and I. My overall attitude towards life is positive. (It even astonishes me with some of the things I hear myself say) I’ve done a complete 180. All within 5 fuckin months.
I don’t really know what else to say other than “I’m very proud of my accomplishments.” And god damn I used to look like shit 
In case you haven’t heard it today;
I LOVE YOU & YOU’RE AWESOME!!
I dont want to see him again.