I screwed up and I don't know where to go from here

Relapses
33

Thank you for that. =) I know if I keep writing and keep going to meetings and keep my focus I can conquer this. I can make this dream come true.
I know its not as easy as I make it sound. But it is a solid and clear goal. And one day, I will make it a reality. And today I’m sober. It’s thanks to all of you. :slight_smile:

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35

I love you! Lol sorry I fangirled and got really crazy happy when I saw that!

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37

Yeah I love him to death. And I can’t wait to see what happens. If he can be saved, anyone can be. Lol I haven’t killed my dad though! That’s a good thing!

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38

Day 2. I’ve been writing a ton in my binder than I have. I’ve just been trying to get all of this out of my head. And I’ve realized that I’m scared to death of what I’m going to find. I’m such an insecure person but I never really knew what that problem stemmed from. I think digging deep and trying to find the answers is the only way I can move forward. That and righting my wrongs too. I think that the scariest part is going up to someone you’ve hurt and let down and standing in front of them and saying "I’m sorry you were right, I was wrong can you ever forgive me?"
But at the same time I want to do it. I want to make things right. And I’ll whatever it takes to do it. Even if they think I’m full of Shit at least at that point I tried.

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40

:blush: I know I’m not going to do it until I feel like I’m ready. This is about me this time. I’ve never put myself first when it came to anything. Time to start taking care of myself.
I use to be like “I can handle this, I can handle anything, I can do anything. I can get sober on my own!” Holy crap I was so arrogant. I’m not going to test my limits yet. For once I’m going to actually give myself this time to recover. To feel better rather than just jump. It sounds like a good place to start.

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42

I’m doing okay. Going to drive 40 miles to get to a meeting today. I don’t care how far I have to drive. I need a meeting. I feel kinda fragile today. Like if I saw my ex, everything would shatter. sigh crap.

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44

:smiley::smiley::smiley: thank you my dear I really appreciate it!!!

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