I really want to drink. And I can get away with it as I have the weekend to myself with nobody to bother me. I don’t know if I can withstand this but I don’t want to throw away all the hard work. I was out with friends last night and I was drinking red bull. After a while I let my friend buy me one. I was careless and didn’t check it before drinking. I took a sip and there was vodka in it. I was freaked out and gave it back to him. Its affecting me today. I want the feeling.
Well said @Mephistopheles. You have to play the tape all the way through in your head and you’ll see its not worth it.
The feeling of regret and anxiety in the morning? Or the feeling of embarrassment you can’t remember what you said or did? Maybe the feeling of a hangover?
Seriously. This is all drinking offers you. You know where that all leads.
Why not see how sobriety feels more long term? Build some self confidence and self respect. You won’t regret it, honest. The drinking…well, you WILL regret that.
I think you know all that though. I am hopeful because you posted here first. A positive step.
Hey buddy. I think it helped me when I realized that there was no one to hide anything from that mattered. Whether you drink or not you’re not “getting something over” on whoever is out of the house right now. You’re an adult that decided to stop drinking for you. The other people are just also beneficiaries of this better version of you. Is there any one you can hang out with for the day? Or a meeting you can go to? Drinking won’t do anything but give you a hangover and regret tomorrow…and could do something much worse. Maybe go back and read all the reasons you decided to quit and try to remember what your last hangover was like, not just the physical feelings but also the sense of regret, despair, disappointment etc. glad you came on here
Hang in there JK47. I’m with you on the 5 months, a little bit more. I’m on my way to a meeting here in about an hour. Several months ago I was by myself for a period of a month, and thought the same “I can get away with it.” - And I decided to be sneaky. Being sneaky for a day turned into a 7 day binge, a 10 lb. weight loss, and subsequent rehab most of the month of June and the first week of July.
I too, enjoyed vodka and red bull because I enjoyed being able to go all night.
I cannot eat tree nuts; they will kill me, so I stay far far away. I cannot drink alcohol - because it will kill me. I’ve been able to inquire out and about when people want to hand me something to drink if there is alcohol in it. And if they say yes or “I don’t know”, I hand it back citing, “oh I’m driving tonight.”
We’re here for you.
The other night, I wanted to give in to drinking, and I’ve been sober for 78 days. I didn’t give in, but I did bought fast food which has been my replacement for alcohol. If you’re alone, try to stay busy because if you’re too bored, lonely, sad, angry… those reasons might cause you to relapse. Hang in there. One day at a time
OK, so I’m sitting here right now and I have relapsed as we speak. DON’T DO IT. I do not feel any better, I’ve got a banging headache that I now can’t take a tablet for, nothing has changed apart from I’m gonna be pissed off when I run out of beer. I’m not getting any more but it’s not worth even the effort on thinking these things. I’ve let all of my sober buddies down, I’ve let myself down. I knew when I woke up I would drink today and was weak. DO NOT HAVE THAT DRINK. If the only reason I’ve drunk today is to tell you Not to because it’s absolutely fuckin pointless then that will be the only good thing to come from this experience. PLEASE DON’T DRINK.
I agree with all the advice you’ve already gotten. Everything I would tell you had already been said. So I’m just going to say don’t do it. Be strong for yourself. You wouldn’t “get away with it” because you would know you drank. Choose to stay sober for yourself, not anyone else. The drink lies. You won’t feel good or better. Have you ever drank and thought 'wow, I’m so glad I did that?" probably not. Stay strong. We’re cheering you on.
Big giant hug to you Paul. Throw out the rest of the beer & start the next 24hrs now. I don’t feel let down by you FWIW… I feel compassion & empathy for you.
That feeling you are getting the itch to scratch can be scratched in so many different ways.
Go for a hike. Work out. DO something. Your brain thinks it’s lacking something, and the way you retrain it is to replace it with something better.
5 months is amazing, and you definitely shouldn’t waste in on being bored and alone.
I felt awful when I saw you like my post, but I had to put it out there it’s bad enough what I’ve done, again, without being a secret drinker. You all derseve to know and be reminded that this is not worth it. Don’t feel like this, I was happier a few hours ago I just didn’t know it until it was too late.
Hey Paul, I’m so sorry, and I applaud you for posting. FWIW you have helped me to not pick up today. I was just busy sorting out a closet and for about 2 hours straight, I’ve been wanting to drink.
I’ve moved away from the closet mess. There’s no hurry. I will go watch Netflix or something. Left over Halloween candy will likely be involved.
Take care. Big Hugs x
I’m glad you didn’t keep it secret & are trying to help someone else who is struggling. Still have a soft spot for ya friend. Don’t be too hard on yourself. No hard feelings here. I really just want you to put the drink down, dust yourself off and learn from it.
I think the fact that you call it “throw away” indicates that you really do t want to. Listen to that voice!!
I’m sad to read this… Hugs to you hun.
There is Nothing and I mean Nothing that a drink is not going to make worse. Want to add in crushing anxiety and guilt and shame? Add Alcohol. Want to have to hide away from people and be alone and miserable? Add Alcohol. Want to just have one drink or just 10 and pretend it didn’t happen? The physical allergy to Alcohol will set off the obsession of the mind, and you will return to the same way you felt in your first day of sobriety. Call someone. Message someone. Glad you reached out;
I love this… Saved it.
Also your first sober date is my sons birthday… Well the year was '88…
Hey, you’re going to be ok. Just because you started drinking doesn’t mean you need to really go for it. A slip doesn’t have to be a fall. Can someone take you to a meeting this evening?
I’ve never been but if this keeps happening I may have to admit I can’t do this my way. Which is pure bloody stubborness.