But I can’t handle it. He comes home and verbally abuses me. Calls me stupid. Tells me to go away. Calls me a bitch because I tell him that the only time I see him he’s drinking. He says stuff that’s so cruel and demeaning until im crying and broken down. Then I get put down for being emotional. I get called crazy. Told that I’m a piece of shit. I am not allowed to speak up about anything without being treated like dirt and put down. I make sure the house is clean. He has a home cooked warm meal waiting for him and im a piece of shit dumb crazy bitch. It’s not right. It makes me feel crazy. Makes me wish I had the fortitude to hang myself because I have no life left now.
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You don’t deserve to be treated like that. I hope you know that in your heart and If not, I’m here to tell you, you it’s true. Sounds like he’s got a substance abuse problem too. I am hoping someone with experience dealing with an addicted spouse chimes in. Thinking of you. You’re not crazy.
How long have you been sober? My stbx husband was very abusive and cruel. Whenever I stopped drinking, he would start drinking. Almost like he wanted me to fail so he had even more reason to put me down. At 10 months sober, I got the courage to leave. Being alone was better than that. I was terrified and it wasn’t easy. I just knew I deserved better, sobriety gave me that insight. I ended up drinking again about 3 months after leaving. Had a few back and forths with sobriety and I’m around 5 months I think.
You don’t deserve the treatment you’re receiving.
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I cant leave. I have no job. No income. I gave up everything for him. We are out in the country and I can’t even walk anywhere to go somewhere else. I gave up my life for him. Now that I’m nothing- I have no way out.
I was in a horrible relationship like that for almost 15 years that lead me to drink just as much as he did (which was a lot) but one day it got physical and never got any better…until he wants to change nothing will change…I hope you get out before your hiding bruises and having to make excuses on his bad behavior…
Good luck and stay strong 
Currently going through the same situation. He turns into a verbally abusive stranger when he drinks and if I talk back I am sure it would be physical . I hope you don’t feel trapped like I do and have support!
Seriously get out.
There are ways and means
Surely there is some one in here who knows the way that this can be done.
Women’s refuges, something.
Am not going to try and make a judgement on your relationship, especially over the internet, other than to say if you feel unsafe then please seek help. In relation to you feeling stuck…
Where did you move from, any family or friends back home you can get in touch with?
Just because you can’t see a way forward right now, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there 
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It’s wrong.
One thing that’s important to remember is that abuse makes us think we’re weak. That’s part of it. It’s manipulative and exploitative, makes us feel small. But it’s a lie. We are not unimportant, and we do have people who care about us. You have people who love you. There are people you can safely ask for help.
You need a safety plan:
There are places you can go, even if you have no money or job. Search “women’s shelter” online and you will find some. Read the link above and you will see what you need to do. If you are outside the US, there are other resources in other countries (though no matter where you are, you need a plan).
You do not deserve this and you are a good person, you matter, and you do have options. Your boyfriend is lying to you and making you feel worthless. He is wrong. Search for help, reach out, make a plan, and you can escape this and start your safe life without him.
Check back in with us here. Sending you love. We are thinking of you 
Im so trapped and zero support. I can only hope I die of a broken heart. Because unless I
I have 2 little dogs who are all I have in this world. No vehicle. No job. I was an uber driver but i cannot do it anymore because of my physical and mental health. I am isolated and 20 miles from any town. I dont have anyone I can stay with. No family. No resources. I dont need a womans shelter. I am not abused. Just treated like everything wrong is because of me and constantly belittled. I woke up here alone with a note saying he wont be back until I leave. It’s his house. I cant stay here. I literally have no way to leave here and today I am so overwhelmed I cannot focus. I dont want to hurt myself or anyone else. I am not mentally ill. I dont fit into any category for help. In farm country in central Illinois there isnt really anything I can do either. I do not get disability for my health issues and even if I tried to get it I have no insurance to see dr anymore and that is a long path when I need to find a rather prompt solution to this.
Being mentally and emotionally abused is debilitating as well. Do you have access to a phone? I suggest you call the local helpline for domestic abuse and talk with them about resources that may be available to you…such as finding a therapist you can call in to if you cannot drive. Sometimes just having someone to talk is a good start. I know you spoke of physical limitations as well. Are you able to walk? Can you get out for a bit of nature and fresh air? Even for 10 minutes? Moving my body often helps me, maybe it would you as well. I hear you feeling hopeless and i am sorry for that. Please give the local hotline a call if you can.
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At the end of the day, if you can’t leave right now then you are staying there until you can. Here in the UK the council (local government) are the people to speak to about housing and welfare options.
You deserve more from life than someone who makes you feel this way. I hope that this turns out to be a blessing in disguise for you, even though it is awful that you are in such a difficult spot right now.
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Verbal and mental abuse are abuse. Just because you don’t have any bruises doesn’t mean it isn’t beating you down.
I know he’s got you feeling hopeless, but take a deep breath and start doing some research. Just like quitting your substance of choice, you are going to have to make some decisions, and act on them. There are people out there who will even drive to you. He is controlling, and abusive, and someone in Illinois can help you. Hell, go to a surrounding state if you don’t have anyone keeping you in illinois. I’m from Iowa. I can promise you there’s places to help you.
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There are people, organisations who can help you.
But it’s up to you. Only you can make the decision.
I just didn’t want to lose my dogs. No one will take me with them. But I’ll find something hopefully. Thanks guys
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There’s shelters for abused women. Can you contact them? Get out. They will help you get a job and on your feet.
His behaviour is totally unacceptable. I am not from the US, so don’t know the system. As a first step look online, ring local authorities and find what is available.
How’s it going today Bree?
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