I was free from this shit for 11 days, then I drank beer last night, I ended up in my friend’s house using cocaine! I thought I had everything under control, I thought I could stay sober! Do I have to lock myself to stay sober? Should I stop hanging out with these friends?? Cuz all of them use drugs! I don’t know what to do I’m 24 and I feel lost.
For me I stayed aways from all alcohol related events in the first 3 months of my recovery. I found it better to become stronger before I could say no to alcohol. So I avoided some friends, the pub, restaurants, festivals, liquor store, etc.
Now I have more sober dsys I can handle it.
Sorry about your relapse, try to learn from it so you don’t have to go trough it again. My doc is alcohol.
Hey , first of all congrats on the 11 days. Dont beat yourself up too much on the relapse, i know VERY well that post relapse feeling , dont focus on that , get back to your previous mindset that took you to 11 days. You dont necessarily need to lock yourself up, but this is different for everyone, when i first got sober i didnt leave my house for two weeks and handed my car keys and all my bank cards to a trustable friend because i knew i was extremely addicted and had to make it as hard as possible for me to get drugs. Now i have 2 points:
Alcohol: Dont drink a single drop, at least for couple weeks/months, having struggled with a lot of drugs and knowing people that went though the same i can safely say that alcohol is one hell of a drug, it triggers all those memories and experiences and good sensations you had while using drugs and will make your brain go “ok lets get fucked up” and its a very hard feeling to fight when you’re drunk, this wont last forever and you will eventually be able to enjoy a few beers without having too worry too much (but know yourself and your limits)
Friends: Yes, you should stop hanging out with friends that use drugs that can trigger, this can be painful at first , but eventually you will realize that even though they’re your friends if they’re still addicts they will not only be triggers but most of the time they wont want you to get better, because it will remind them of their own weakness. Also most drug use friends are not real friends, usually once you remove drugs from the equation these friendships become very shallow and you will see that the only thing binding you together were the drugs. And its very common for people to be a reflection of their friends, if you only hang out with addicts you’ll most likely be one too.
Dont be too hard on yourself, this process is already tough on its own, im tearing up reading this and writing this because i can only wish i had taken that first step when i was 24 , but i wasnt brave enough and i wasted a long time of my life doing drugs. You’re so young , you have your whole life ahead of you, and i can guarantee you it will be a much more joyful and rewarding one if you’re sober. Dont worry about the friends, you will make new ones. I hope you can get better and get healthy, if you’re feeling down from the relapse just listen some blues, get a good cry going , put it all out, theres no shame and it will help.
Feel free to message me if you need support
You need to cut your friends off completely and keep to yourself for a while ( @Buts has a good point on this). I know from personal experience that once I had a beer in my hand, my nose would start to itch. So it’s pretty obvious that drinking goes hand in glove with doing blow. Delete everyone off your phone and keep to yourself for those few months.
While you’re keeping to yourself, you read, learn and listen to YouTube videos. Educate yourself while you’re in this self imposed and much needed exile. Notice the changes in your behavior, constantly be aware of how you are feeling, what you are thinking and keep in mind how you’re acting around those close to you. If I can do what I did, so can you. You’re no more different than I am, amigo. If you have a question or feel as if you need to get something off your chest, come on here and let it all out. Self Discipline is the to all of this.
Very well said @chicoscience and welcome to Sober Time!
I agree with all that has been said. I’m newly sober (again…keep relapsing) but this time I gave my bank cards to my partner as I needed it to be concretely impossible to buy alcohol. It is also such a f+++++g relief to not have to do that whole internal dilemma of whether to use or not in those early days. If you don’t have your bank cards then you can’t.
Anything that changes my mood, is halfway to disaster
This is a sobriety forum. Suggesting this is not incouraged.
Altough im not suggesting him to do it just speculating on my own experience i will pay more attention to not mention this again, thanks
All good. Welcome to the community anyway! glad you are here
Learn to be strong by yourself, before entering a crowd.
You should not need to stay indoors forever, but might need some new friends…
Alcohol used to be a trigger for me to do SOMETHING more intense. It took me 20 years of thinking I could do smoke weed or drink and not fall and bump my head on a crack rock or meth rock. For me, it ALWAYS lead to me shooting up 3 months later. I understand some ppl can. I could not. Still can’t. Maybe you’re similar?
In the beginning I changed everything: people, places, and things. Getting sober was just that important to me. If someone is truly a friend, the will understand you getting sober. If they dont support the decision…are they really a friend?
I think you already know the answer…anyone or anything that is going to compromise your sobriety should be cast aside. You and your health come first.
Your conscious brain knows it’s time to make real changes…you now have to get your subconscious brain to agree. That’s more difficult task in my opinion, BUT you/we can do this!
Give yourself over to the process, and be gentle with yourself. You didn’t get here over night. It’s going to take sometime to heal.
We’re here, and your worth it!
Onward and upward my friend!
I think you may of answered your own question, dear…
I am currently deciding whether to keep people in my life who still drink. Until then, I stay away from anyone who is currently (at that moment) drinking.
To me that’s trigger #1 is being right in front of alcohol around a drinking buddy.
I had to decide that my sobriety, and therefore the future of the rest of my life, is more important than any potentially temporary friendship… you know what i mean?
you’re stuck with you, not with your friends.
I dont talk to many people I knew when I was 24…
I had to draw all these conclusions about friendships and the BIGGER PICTURE in order to make that decision.
You can make new friends, you can limit with current friends to sober activities, you can’t reverse endstage liver damage/ etcetera…
Nothing says you have to stop being friends with people, but you need to draw the line and make your boundaries clear- and dont give in to temptation as well- that you’re serious about staying sober.
Theres only so many relapses before it gets old and tiring and you just get sick of it.
I need to know how to deal with pressure, something I catch myself stuck in my head. I think that’s the reason I was using this crap. I care too much!
Thanks for these words man, I feel depressed about the last relapse because it wasn’t the first one, I’m trying to figure out why I’ve started to do drugs, to begin with. You are right we only hang out to drink and waste time, but things have changed, I’m studying 5 hours per day to get a better job as a web developer, I’m learning English, I was sick About my life, but complaining won’t solve these problems, thank you for the support, I will stay avoid Avery single trigger. How about you, are you okay, I hope covid won’t reach you and your family.
Yeah, I’ve realized the is impossible to stay sober and stay in the same environment, there are too many triggers, but this relapse made me think about everything. Thanks for this comment man, I have to deal with my concerns, it’s time to get clean.
Great idea! I won’t walk around with money. Thanks man