I turned around

Today at work I made plans to go out to a gathering. Not many people and at a home. I had already made up my mind and made peace with the fact that I was going to buy a six pack to take with intentions of only drinking two to three. Doing keto so I couldn’t drink much. I knew the only way I could go and handle the social aspect was to drink. To be clear, a couple of close friends were going and a lady that I’m semi interested in. I wanted to hang out with them but wasn’t excited about a few other people that I really don’t know.

I was driving to the store and a truck was on my side of the road. He got over well before I got to him but it spurred memories of the last time I was blackout. I have no idea why. Memories that had evaded me until that moment, memories of getting into a big argument at the bar that almost turned into a fight. It made me feel sick.

I decided after those thoughts came back to me that I had to go back home. So here I am posting on Friday night again while I sit on my couch. My anxiety makes me feel like I can’t be social in most situations without drinking. I know that’s an obvious statement but it led to a thought that I’ve never really accepted about myself. I obviously want to be social but that’s just not me and if I’m going to be with people or in a situation that I can’t feel comfortable in without drinking then I should reassess my plans. Guess I’ve kind of always wanted to be somebody I’m not and maybe if I can embrace the person I really am I’ll be okay with skipping the things I don’t actually want to do.

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Good for you!! Sounds like that reminder came at the perfect time and good gor you to recognize it.